Those of you who have booted a bridesmaid or demoted a MOH.

Well Emily I guess we have different opinions about that. She knew from the beginning the bridal party would be in long dresses. I am letting them pick the actual style of the dress so they can be comfortable. It's a spring wedding and pretty sure she would end up freezing if I had short dresses.

I did have to do this also. Well I actually think the girl didn't want to be involved anymore. It wasn't horrible or anything but she definitely changed after she was invited to be a moh. She pushed for me to ask her, which was the crazy thing. We are no longer friends. She was very passive aggressive towards me and I honestly have no idea why. She basically made it clear she didn't want to be involved anymore. She eventually flat out said she didn't which was fine by me, I had replaced her already.

Also @Sloan, you will ALWAYS find Emily in posts about BM's and her opinion is always the same. Unfortunately, or fortunately perhaps for her, she only has a MOH standing up for her, not a large bridal party, so she may not be as familiar with the stress that can be caused with some of these girls in the bridal party. While her advice is true - you do have time still to have dresses ordered, etc, I don't know that she gets it as much as those of us who have had first hand experience dealing with someone who seems to almost want to be a headache

I hope your sister is receptive to a real conversation. My only advice on that is to stick to "I am feeling very....." versus "when you do X..." so that you are pointing out that her actions result in your feelings. The fact is that no one can make someone else feel a certain way, and maybe she isn't realizing the impact of her actions on your feelings.

I have a maid and a matron of honor. My maid of honor was also maid of honor for my matron of honor's wedding. She was super flakey and didn't do anything she said she was going to. She was a terrible maid of honor. Am I concerned what this now means for my wedding? Yes. Would I kick her out or demote her? No. She's still been my best friend my whole life. I know sisters sometimes have complicated relationships, but I'd imagine that kicking your sister out of your bridal party will result in hard feelings that may not go away for a long time, if ever. She has plenty of time to order the dress. If you think you need more support, consider asking another bridesmaid to step and be a second MOH.

My husband demoted his brother (my BIL) from his position as a GM. He wouldn't commit to making travel arrangements (he lives in LA, our wedding was in Denver), so DH got tired of the uncertainty and asked someone else to step in.

BIL didn't even care - likely because he saw it as an imposition and, frankly, is a highly narcissistic person to begin with. He did make it to the wedding, buying a ticket about 3 days before the event. He showed up to the ceremony wearing a red tie to look like he was in the wedding party, and he then changed into a blue tie for the reception (cool story, bro?). That was as weird as it got.

EDIT: Other context - BIL got married 29 days before we did and did not ask my husband to be in his WP. We gave them a gift, they did not give one to us. I suspect that would have happened even if he had not been "demoted" - it's classic him.

JK - sorry but I have been a bridesmaid more times than I can count and have seen the destruction that crazy brides can cause to friendships when they go bridezilla over absolutely trivial crap OR when their expectations and demands are so far out of line that they no longer have friends once the wedding is over. I have seen that. That is my experience.

If you think that my opinion NOT to kick out one's own sister - potentially ruining family relationships for years - is a bad one, then you have issues. I am suggesting the OP not kick out her own sister for something that hasn't even happened yet - the dresses don't need to be ordered for 2 MONTHS. And she questioned the length - what a crime!

I also said if she doesn't have a dress, she can't be in the wedding. It's very simple and no drama needs to ensue.

I can't believe how many people want/do drop their bridesmaids. I can see if you have a huge fight but for someone to respond to a dress deadline with is the dress short or long and just say OK to a deadline that is a few months away seems very hasty to drop someone.

Maybe its because I am older, but I have not asked my bridesmaids to do anything. Some know when my craft days are so they have offered to help me, some new when I was shopping for shoes, and offered to go. I picked two colors of dresses I wanted my BM's to wear, I scheduled a date 6 weeks in advance, told them these are the colors, show up on this date and you can pick any long dress you want as long as it is chiffon and in one of these two colors, 3 of you need one color and 3 in the other color, you work it out. It took us about 40 minutes, they all paid for their dresses and we were done.

But honestly, I don't expect anyone to have to do errands, etc for my wedding, just show up in a pretty dress and have fun. If they want to throw me a shower or bachelorette party, that is great, but I don't think it is mandatory if they don't. It would have to be something major before I ever asked or replaced anyone, I'd like to think I knew their personalities before I asked them so I knew what to expect. It has been such a pleasant experience, I have been engaged since last November and have not had any drama.

I would hate to be in your position. I would sit down with her and try to honestly try to work it out, if you can't then you have to move on.

My guess is that the OP has history with her sister. Otherwise I don't see how a couple of questions about the style of the dress and not appreciating a strict deadline are grounds for dismissal. That can't possibly be the only this wrong, to make the OP consider demoting her own sister for something that hasn't even happened yet...

And like Emily said, once the deadline passes and she doesn't have the dress, then you're entitled to give her the boot.

Also, for the record, my MOH was an absolute nightmare before the wedding. She planned a "surprise" bachelorette party that was in a very inconvenient location, refused to give me the details of the party until the very last minute, and then was upset that I didn't appreciate being inconvenienced and at even the slightest remark from me, "offered" to cancel the party. Then when I offered to have my hair stylist do the bridal party's hair at my own expense, she said that she will go to her own stylist, and still expected me to pay. And there was something else, which I can't even remember now.

Bottom line is, I never considered demoting her or kicking her out. The actual wedding was great, she ended up hosting a nice bachelorette party, sang me a wonderful song at the wedding, and everything has been smooth sailing since then.

Did I feel like I want to rip her a new one? Definitely. Kick her out, though? I would have regretted losing that friendship for years to come.

The first 2 went pretty bad. First one was a best friend of 10 years, she moved out of state a week before we were supposed to go dress shopping and she didn't tell me. I had to find out through photos on facebook and when confronted her response was "i thought i sent you a fb message, sorry. it's not a big deal." ummm? yeah, sure. Not only was she booted as a BM, she was booted as a friend. The second one was her replacement, who was FH's best friend of 10 years. (looks like this whole 10 year thing is really messing us up here.) anyway, i don't really understand what happened nor do I care because I was only doing it to make him happy. The third one was a good friend who is currently in her last part of college and in this program where she can't miss any days. Of course the program runs through my wedding. I understood, but it still sucks. Now I'm down to my 3 main ladies and I like it much better this way anyway.

OP every relationship is different and you will have to access yours as only you know your relationship with your sister. If you think you can demote her without it making things worse its obviously up to you, but I really, really, really don't see this as something to demoter her for.

Of course she is going to have opinions on what she wants to wear, why shouldn't she? being a bridesmaid doesn't mean she automatically turns into a mindless drone. Is your day going to be ruined if you sister wears a short dress? no it is not. Is it worth potentially damaging your relationship with your sister over this? no it is not

IDGAF what my maids are wearing as long as the people who are most important to me or with me on the day I marry the man of my dreams.

20 years from now I'm not going to look at my pictures and say "omg I can't believe what my maid wore to my wedding." I'm going to say look how happy everyone is. So before doing anything drastic just try putting things into perspective. Good luck on your decision.

We actually chose not to have a BP at all because my sister is bat shit crazy and we are not close at all. I have friends I would've loved having, but it wasn't worth the drama. In the end it worked out perfectly for us. I still had my closest friends help me get ready and got some cute pro pictures with them. My sister was in the family pics, so she was still included. I got to keep my sanity and skip the drama.