Thought i Didn't Want to Get Married, Now I'm Rethinking...

While I never specifically said I’d never get married, I was more so the type that just never thought about it 1 way or the other. When I started dating my now husband, I felt that this relationship was very different from prior ones. We moved in together after a year of dating because that was what felt right for the both of us. We did not talk about marriage then. After a few years, we had the “maybe one day” conversations, and after about 6 years of being together, we had a serious conversation about our future together (we were making some big changes in regards to me quitting my full time job to pursue a doctorate) and we discussed what we both wanted, and we both wanted marriage so we decided we’ll get married. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all to marriage or not marriage. What’s important is for both parties to be comfortable laying all cards on the table and have an open and honest discussion about what you want your future to look like. To me, whether you thought you would or would not hypothetically ever get married doesn’t really mean much because it’s hard to make that kind of decision in the abstract. Marriage has so many personal, spiritual, philosophical, financial, etc. thoughts associated with it that it’s hard to think about in the abstract versus thinking about it in relation to a specific partnership.


For reference, my husband and I were both 28 when we got married, and we started dating at 23.

People and their priorities can and do change at your age. It's not very surprising that you feel differently at 26 than you did even two years ago after meeting someone with whom you can envision a shared life.

Out of the blue, you can ask him, "how do you think you'd be (or feel) if you were married?" The initial reaction can be as simple as a one word answer, or even illicit a non-verbal response of confusion, repulsion, or desire. See if he asks you the same question. I don't think talking about marriage will harm your relationship, no matter who initiates. Rather, this would increase communication and therefore intimacy. But, if you are too scared to ask, you'll stay scared and in relationship limbo.

I also don't think you should worry about what others do and what your parents think. Personal romantic relationships are no one else's business and not up for judgment.

I had something romantic written and then deleted. I can't say I'm romantic and marriage was not an aspiration, but I took my husband seriously (over anyone else) when I felt I was emotionally and spiritually ready to envision a shared future. I'm most likely still very career-focused and self-centered, but my husband reminds me that loving is an action and I should be mindful.

Ultimately, no one knows what marriage is like before they do it. The government makes it a legal and economic tether. You and your partner decide the marriage you want.

It's very normal at your age and the status of your relationship that you would start to change your mind on this. It sounds like you're taking the right steps by next moving in together, that will help with giving you a picture into what "life together" would look like.

Marriage was not a high priority for me before meeting my husband. Serious relationships weren't even a high priority. But we met, fell in love, yada yada and over time I realized that I did want to get married. We were similar in age to you - started dating at 24, I would say I knew we were going to get married around 27, and then married at 30.