We eloped due to Covid. We had to cancel our May 2020 wedding and found out my mom had cancer right before we were supposed to get married, so we decided to do a very small ceremony at the last minute with just our parents and a few close friends. It was so stressful and disappointing, and didn't feel like a celebration at all. I'm glad we got married, but hate the way we did it.
We originally postponed our bigger wedding until next year, but our venue recently told us that they don't anticipate doing normal weddings in 2021. So now we can push out our plans another year and try to have a wedding-like celebration in 2022, two years after, or just cancel and be done with it.
Part of me really just wants it to be over and wants closure and wants the "wedding" to be behind us, but the other part of me is really grieving never having the experience. When we first got engaged we considered eloping, just the two of us, and I loved the idea of a destination elopement and romantic honeymoon to celebrate the start our married lives together and then having a party with friends and family after. Instead we opted for a more traditional wedding with everyone taking part, and we spent a lot of time and money investing into that idea. We ended up having neither, and I'm still not over it.
I feel like our wedding was about other people more than ourselves, and I wish we had been more selfish. I wish we had put our love before trying to include our parents (we compromised a lot in order to do so, and I can't say them being there added anything to our experience). I wish we had found a way to make that day feel special, but it just didn't. I feel angry, disappointed, and cheated, and I don't know how to push past those feelings. I wish we could redo it differently. I wouldn't even put our wedding in my top 100 best days, and that feels really sad.
I don't know what to do, and I'm feeling really down about our wedding again because we need to postpone a second time or cancel. Does anyone have any suggestions? At all? Whether it's just to feel better or to find a way to celebrate or to have some positive memories associated with our wedding?
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