thoughts on donations for a honeymoon instead of gifts

We have a honeymoon registry through our travel agent. my sister is including it with the shower invitation. there are plenty of websites you can use to create one.

For my wedding showers I got whoever was organizing it to write in the invite card: presentation preferred as Bride & Groom have been living on their own for a long time and would like to purchase a new livingroom furniture set. It lets the guests know that their money is going towards something the B&G can use instead of possibly going towards new tires for the brides car. Most people liked the idea because half the time they don't know what to get you even with a registry and you're not stick with 15 cookie sheets! Goodluck

You don't want to hear this but asking for money in any form is tacky. I've never heard it referred to as a presentation, but that's no better.

Word of mouth works wonders here. If you have no registry, most people will give you a check. In my area, I rarely see a boxed gift at a wedding.

Tacky- yes, but it still works, I received nearly $2000 towards our living room set, plus others who didn't want to give money still gave gifts which I also received a lot of. lol, i'll take tacky any day!

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Tacky, tacky, tacky. Never ask for money. If I received an invitation for an event (any type of event unless it is a non-profit fund raiser) that asked for money, I would RSVP "no" and not send any type of gift.

1. There is nothing to stop your guests from contributing to a honeymoon. The accepted way for them to do it is to write you a check. You get the money, and no one pays service fees.

2. If you would like to encourage your guests to follow #1, you don't have a registry. When anyone (including a shower hostess, member of your wedding party, etc.) asks you what you want for a wedding gift, you say, "We really don't have anything we need around the house, so we're just saving up for our honeymoon." This is as effective as a honeymoon registry, and avoids the tacky.

What 2d said^

I have a honeymoon registry, as well as a regular one, at BB&B. I keep hearing guests will give cash anyways, so if they dont want to do the registry they dont have to. & they can always just give us a gift. In the end if we dont get our honeymoon pix, we just cant afford a honeymoon. Oh well.

I would suggest that, have a reg registry as well. & dont put them on invites, you can put your website URL but putting specifically the registry is too tacky.

Yeah, what 2d said. Lots of people give cash anyway, I just don't see the point of HM registries other than they create controversy and take 3% of your gifts. (Assuming they all charge some service fee but I could be wrong.) Also - if you have a shower, I think you need some kind of physical registry, or it needs to be a theme shower like "stock the bar" or "kitchen/recipe/spices" or something. I can't imagine attending a shower where people just give cash, that would seem odd to me.

Here's my big thing with HM registries though - don't you already have to know ahead of time that you have enough money to go on vacation? If someone pledges $100 for say, a couples massage on your HM registry and in the end you don't have enough to afford the flight or hotel room, you won't be able to go and you'll basically just take that cash and use it for something else. Isn't that kinda hinky? IDK. I've never gotten that part. Maybe someone with a HM registry can tell me how it works.

I think if you do it in a polite way it's a great idea. People are going to spend the same amout of money regardless so it's best you get something that you really need and if you can't afford the honeymoon that you would like then I think there is no harm

OK guys - seems to be a lot of opinions. Let me tell you that the majority of my clients use a honeymoon registry in some sort of way. We offer one directly from our site and it is a very polite way of asking for contributions toward a honeymoon. Here is how the registry works:

You set it up just like any other type of registry, but instead of asking for towels, crock pots, etc. you can request spa treatments, room upgrades, drinks by the pool, etc. It is not just a $$$ amount that the couple asks for but rather a tangible or service item. It is a way for guests to provide a "gesture" without just sending cash (which always seems so impersonal). They can write things on the registry like "Here's some champagne for the wedding night" or whatever they want.

The actual money does not have to be spent on the items that were requested. You get a check for the full amount of contributions and you can use it for whatever you want.

Don't know if you're going to have one or if it was mentioned but one of my really good friends had a money dance at her wedding. The DJ just told everyone that they didn't have honeymoon plans because they could not afford one therefore whoever wanted to contribute to their honeymoon they would get up and dance with the bride or the groom. Putting money in the grooms pockets and in the brides purse. I don't think it's tacky at all your friends and family who know and love you will support you either way!

Kris, I had a "gift card shower" and it was beyond odd. I hated it. DH and I didn't register. We don't need anything and while we could have registered for replacement items, we just never got around to it. However we could have cared less about getting gifts.

I didn't want a shower. Period. However apparently I didn't make myself clear enough because my mom and brother's fiance threw me one anyway. Because I didn't register, they put some tacky poem in the bridal invites about giving cash or a gift card for the "wishing well." I know this because my MIL mentioned it to me after receiving the invitation. Thankfully she wasn't offended and thought the poem was "cute" but I don't know about other guests. I never said anything to my mom or FSIL but I was so embarrassed.

Continued...

To make it worse, my mom and FSIL wanted me to sit there and open all the cards/gift cards. My MOH and I tried to refuse, but they wouldn't let me. It was so awkward to sit there opening gift cards and say "So and so gave me a gift card to Target/BB&B/etc" to my mom to write down. I felt bad for all of the guests who had to sit there and watch it. It was horrible.

I am also not a fan of Honeymoon registries because of the % that they take away. It's the principle of it for me.

By the way, my name is Mike. I do respect and understand the concerns of the honeymoon registry fees (usually 5-8%). Just to be clear, as travel consultants we only offer the service through a third party that we pay the initial cost for. We do not charge the fees. That said, it does make it a more pleasant way to ask for assistance with the trip of your lifetime (your honeymoon), especially for people who are already established and don't need all of the typically wedding gifts. We really consider the fee as the price of buying a card for the check anyways.

I know that a lot of couples use this and I honestly wish that I could have when I got married and could have actually gone on a honeymoon. Again, I am not saying this because we profit from them in any way. In fact we pay to have the tool on our site and do not get anything in return except a tool to help our couples reach their honeymoon dream.

I agree with Amy. This is an opportunity for a bride and groom to build their marriage on an dream honeymoon. I guess what I feel is that if a couple already has everything they need, it should be a privilege to offer them a memory that will last them a lifetime. My wife and I have been fortunate and had opportunities to travel the world. However, when we were first married (and had everything that we needed), we had put our money into a house (that ended up being worth half of what we paid for it after the 2008 crash. We did not have anything left for a honeymoon. Despite the fact that we have been to all of the amazing places around the world, we still this day have that void of missing out on our honeymoon. We actually stayed at a terrible B&B that we could wait to get out of.

The gift of a honeymoon will last the couple forever......

@MrsOhler, Oh no! Yeah that sounds awkward. I opened a few cards with gift cards/checks in them at my shower and it felt really weird. "Ooooh, it's a...check from Mrs. Smith, why thank you Mrs. Smith, oh look the check has puppies on it, thank you again, so generous...mimosas anybody?..."

IDK, I tend to agree with you Amy, but for whatever reason it just feels different. It does come across as "asking" to me. Mostly b/c I think people use words like "donating", whereas when people register, it's seen as more of a guideline. Also I think it's hinky that one of the selling points is, "you get a check and you can use it for whatever you want." I always give cash at weddings and personally I could care less if that cash is spent on the HM or on a bucket of KFC but not everybody feels that way.

These threads always have different POVs and can get pretty passionate - I personally don't like them, but I guess just know your crowd.

@krisalicious, I just want to clarify that "you get a check and you can use it for whatever you want" was not a selling point. I don't sell honeymoon registries. I support them as a means of making someone's dream honeymoon possible. I don't care if they get it via check, cash or registry. It is just a tool. We as agents do not get anything from it, let me make that very clear, so there is no "selling" point.

I personally just like to see couples get to go on their honeymoon. I tell people they can use the one from my site even if they don't book their honeymoon through me. My passion is travel and especially romance travel. I just love it when couples get to experience the start of their lives with a few days, week or weeks away together to just be a "couple". I do think that the honeymoon is a very important investment and should be done right. Just MHO....

I think a great new trend would be to just sell tickets to the wedding. Why not? If it's going to be a transaction, let's keep it transparent.