Thoughts on Inviting an Old Friend that Ghosted You?

I wouldn't invite her. Friendships drift apart on their own accord, and no fight or hard feelings are necessarily needed for that to happen. I've had a lot of friendships like this, and don't intend on inviting any of them to my wedding.

The way I see it is, if I'm the first person to engage and contact them, and they aren't giving me the same energy back, then I'm letting the friendship run its course and not fighting it. You deserve the positive energy you give, and if that's not reciprocated, then take that as a sign that the friendship has ran it's course.

If I was in your friend's shoes, I would feel weird if someone I hadn't spoken to in 3 years, sent me a wedding invitation.

Hello Jessica - I wouldn't invite her to the wedding. I wouldn't want you to put yourself in a situation where she doesn't respond to your sincere gesture and you are hurt or disappointed again. As I've heard people say, some people are in our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime -- and it's okay if her reason or season has passed. If anything, you could reach out to her after the wedding to touch bases and let her know you've gotten married to see if the door is open again.

I think you should take the hint. Unfortunately friendships can rub their course.
From personal experience trying to force things to be like the past only ends up with hurt feelings in your end.

That would be a hard no for me. Wedding guests should only be your current nearest and dearest most important people, not those who have made it clear over the years that they don't support you or who have drifted away.

Thank you ladies . I think a part of me just wants to know "why" the ghosting happened and sees this a means for closure. But perhaps not all things require an explanation.

I think your dignity is worth more than those memories. She hasn’t been a good friend to you and she doesn’t deserve a spot in one of the most important days of your life.

I definitely would not. No grudges or anything, it's just ok to grow apart and simply keep the good memories. If she sees pictures I'm sure she would be happy for you and totally understand why she wasn't invited. Specially in covid times, guest lists are limited.

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It just sounds like your friendship drifted apart. I don't think you really need to reach out to her and invite her to your wedding when you haven't talked in years.

I would not invite her. The fact that there has been no contact for several years, and she all together stopped communicating with you, would be enough to take her off of the guest list.

I'm going to bring up a story that doesn't quite fit the feelings of the ladies who have responded before me.

My high school best friend and I were inseparable until we went to colleges across the state from each other. I visited her once, she visited me once but we basically went down very different college paths and lost touch completely, with the exception of Facebook.

Last year she invited me to her wedding. I was shocked and thrilled that she still felt strongly enough about our friendship that she would invite me to be part of such a special day. This invite has rekindled our friendship - we aren't besties anymore but we now speak more often and have kept in better touch.

Similar to your situation, we never had an argument or blow out or anything and I had only fond memories of her and our relationship, we just stopped reaching out to each other -her wedding (and now baby) have brought us back together.

If you can emotionally handle the possibility that she may not respond or might respond no, it might be the olive branch needed to bridge the distance between you two.

View Quoted Comment Great that you were able to rekindle the friendship.


Most people don't have any issues with reaching out to those who have drifted away due to distance and life (and no blowouts to end the friendship) on a separate occasion. But not everyone feels comfortable with or can afford to invite extra people from their past. That doesn't mean there any ill will toward them. It's just not feasible for many reasons

View Quoted Comment I understand and agree with your point, Michelle, if it’s not feasible for the invitation to be extended. From the sound of the original post it seemed she really wanted to invite the friend and just needed some examples of it working out. Thought my story might be an example from that side of the coin.

I say that if you want to invite/reach out to her you should! I had a similar situation and I reached out and she was beyond excited, and now we talk more regularly along with it! If nothing bad happened between you guys and you truly want to invite her I say go for it.

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From my perspective, I’m totally okay with her shooting me down and either just not responding, saying she doesn’t want to come, or anything in between. I just don’t want to cause her grief by reaching out to her. I’m trying to avoid being the ex boyfriend that randomly texts the girl he wronged, if that makes sense as an analogy...

Honestly I wouldn’t invite her. She clearly doesn’t want to talk and friendships have stages in life and she was just a “college” stage friend. Real friends will keep in contact and at the very least engage in small talk every once in a while. That friendship is done and in the past. Keep all the good memories tho! You don’t have to have any ill will feelings toward her but you should accept that It was just a past friendship. Invite people in your life who care about you and would want to be there for you!

I'm going through the similar with a childhood best friend but she's never made the best decisions for herself. I tried talking to her about things that I didn't think were right and she got offended and started to ghost me. She was originally my bridesmaid but I decided if she wasn't going to be in my life she didn't need to be apart of my day. My parents are wanting to invite her but honestly I don't feel the need for her to be there at all. I couldn't imagine even showing up to a wedding of a person I ghosted and expect to be wanted there.

It seems like OP really wants to try to invite this friend - I kind of agree with other posters that the friendship has drifted apart, and someone who hasn't spoken to me in 3 years probably wouldn't make the cut for my guest list. But if you have the room to spare and won't be hurt by a lack of response from her, then I guess there is no harm in sending the invite. I do wonder if you still have her current address - if someone sent a wedding invitation to the address I lived at 3 years ago, it would not find me. You just need to be prepared that you likely won't find the closure you're looking for because people rarely give satisfying answers for ghosting their friends for years. If you can be okay with that, then go for it!

I personally would not invite her. She made it very clear that she was no longer interested in being friends with you.

No way I’d invite her

My experience/feelings are different than yours, but I will share my own experience.

I had a friend, I called her "best friend" for ten years. But come college, we clearly drifted apart. We used to meet after class to go to lunch, then she started sending someone to come tell me that she wasn't going (she wouldn't even tell me herself.) Eventually, we stopped talking entirely. If I messaged her, there was no reply. I didn't see or hear from her at all for over a year before the wedding, and not for a lack of effort on my part. So, I didn't invite her. Seemed natural to me. I was on a budget and I wasn't going to sacrifice a seat for someone who couldn't even dignify me with her presence on an ordinary day.

Months later I ran into her at a bookstore and she immediately started telling me all about herself and her life over the time we had not spoken. No congratulations, no well wishes whatsoever. I finally meekly asked, "you know we got married a few months ago, right?" and she barked back with an indignant head wobble, "and that I wasn't invited to the wedding, yes, I know." She was specifically not wishing us well because she had not been invited to the wedding. She also apparently told a circle of our classmates at our high school reunion how I snubbed her - a decade later. It just showed me she really wasn't a good friend to begin with. As I see it, you don't get to completely ignore me for over a year and still feel entitled to a seat at my wedding, and then continue to be bitter and vengeful over it, to boot!

However, from your post it sounds like you have a very different perception of your friend. And in that case, I say: you can't control her actions, only your own. Don't base whether you send her one off of speculation as to whether or not she "wants anything to do with you." You want to send her an invitation? Do so. As long as you have the space should she accept, and the grace to be okay if she declines, then send one. There's no harm in doing that.