Thoughts on names

Totally get where you are coming from. I dont think it would be crazy to hyphenate.
Personally i am huge into genealogy and family research. So i love my maiden name. My dad passed away in 2017 suddenly so the last name means even more to me. I personally am taking mu fh last name. But that does not mean you need to do the same.

My maiden name is 9 letters , future husbands last name is 7. So personally that would be to much for me. Plus i love the idea of having my fh last name and our future kids sharing that last name.
Do what you feel most comfortable with

I was in the same boat growing up, I hated my name but then grew to love it. I am my fathers only daughter so while my cousins can pass the last name on I view it as something to honor my father and do not want to lose it with changing last names. FH said he would support me with whatever I choose to do which I am grateful for. I decided that I am going to hyphenate our last names which makes for a rather long name for myself now but it allows me to keep that part from my dad and show off that I am FH's partner.

I think it is completely up to you! I love my last name but because I am so traditional I think I am just going to change mine. I don't see anything wrong with hyphenating though! Follow your heart. Don't get rid of your last name if you think you will regret it in the future!

There are so many comments, so this might get lost, but what about adding it as a second middle name? My second middle name is my mother's maiden name, and my current thinking is to just keep collecting names and add FHs last name as another middle name. 4 names isn't so bad, and it looks classy a-f to have two middle initials! Also, it would require less effort to change your professional and social titles, since it's in the middle.

View Quoted Comment I traveled internationally with my daughter alone in January and the only thing we both needed to provide were our passports. We don’t have the same last name.

After a lot of thought I decided to hyphenate! My last name is 10 letters and my FH's is 5. So I will have a super long last name, but I just could not give up my maiden name and FH really wanted me to take his so it was the best compromise I was willing to make. I know that it will be difficult, but I've always had difficulty with my name since its so long. I think as long as you are happy with it I would hyphenate. Who cares what other people think or that it is super long!

View Quoted Comment First of all, I’m not a TSA agent nor do I work at an airport. As I stated before, I used to work in INTERNATIONAL HR, as in bringing employees onboard for an international assignment that lasted 2-5 years. I can assure you as the person processing their paperwork, a parent had to provide a lot of proof that would sometimes take up to one year in order for them to bring their child overseas with them.

second of all, just because you had no trouble with your travel experience doesn’t mean it goes for others. I’ve had several loved ones have run ins with TSA agents over having a different surname than child.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/news/ywca-executive-daughter-harassed-customs-agent-upon-return-european-vacation/

View Quoted Comment Customs & Border Patrol (CBP) guidance says the agency “strongly recommends,” but doesn’t require, additional documentation when a child isn’t traveling with both parents guidance warns that parents traveling without extra documents can be detained while their relationship to the child is investigated.
I travel internationally often, so I’m my situation, I wouldn’t want my child to have a different last name than me. Plus as a single mom, if I’m the one taking care of the child financially, emotionally and physically, it doesn’t make sense for his/her father who isn’t a full time parent to be the one to share the last name with the child.

View Quoted Comment Anything CAN happen, but to suggest that you shouldn’t give your child their father’s last name because international travel could be difficult is a little silly. What happens if the husband/father is the one who is always traveling with the children but they have the mother’s last name? The same issues will arise.

I love my name too. My FH and I discussed that and I said that I was going to hyphenate my last name. He was ok with that.

My mother never changed her name, and when my brother and I were born, she gave us both two middle names, one of which is her name. My aunt did the same with her kids.

I have no intention of giving up my name, and with my last name being 12 letters as it is and with two middle names on top of that hyphenating was never an option for me. I'll probably do something similar to what my mother did for my own children, but my father's last name is 12 letters long so I'm still working out if I want to do that to my children...lol.

Do what feels right to you, but I will warn you that my 12-letter last name sometimes doesn't fit on things, and my full name almost NEVER fits on anything (standardized testing was always fun...).

View Quoted Comment You’re right, different situations call for different decisions. I don't think my opinion is silly because my opinion is based on my experience with working for several years in international HR. Out of several hundreds of customers, I’ve only had one single father take his child overseas. The rest were mothers with children, and if they had a diff last name it caused months even up to a year of difficulty. Not sure why my opinion that has nothing to do with you is bothering you so much. Maybe an insecurity?
if this question is asked again, I’ll continue to give my opinion based on my experience. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always felt the same way! I chose to hyphenate my last name (it's 11 letters now). I look at my current name kind of like a road map to who I am. Occasionally, the hyphen causes some glitches in certain computer systems and my surname gets ran all together. For the most part, though, it isn't an issue. I think more than anything, does it boil down to real issues or laziness?

Can you shorten your last name and they hyphenate with his? For example, go from Alexander-Reed to Alex-Reed. It keeps a part of your history that you love. And I'm not against having 15 letters in my last name. It's unique. It's like when someone has 2 middle names. It makes them who they are. But regardless of if you change your name or not, you are still the same person you were before. The certificates are pieces of paper that do not define you as a person. Do what means the most to you... I don't think anyone can help you decided this.

I plan to change my last name- we are staying really traditional with the wedding and marriage. It's not that I don't like my last name. For me, I have always known that it wouldn't be my name forever. It has always been a symbol of where I came from, not a symbol of where I am going.

I'm struggling with this too, my current last name is 12 letters and two words, Van Xxx..., but I LOVE it. Its very unique and my Dad was the only one in his family to pass it on. Im thinking about adding it as a second middle name while taking FH last name. It'll be long, but worth it to me to keep it.

All together, that's not a long hypenation. I can think of several married individuals with longer combinations! 9+9, 8+7, 7+7, etc. Those are longer together! Keep or hypenate. It's your choice! Length shouldn't be a huge deal.

Hi Amelia!
This is actually a hot topic for my FH and I. I am not a traditional bride and I do not plan on having my name changed. Like you, I grew up having such pride in who I am and my heritage.

Speaking to some married couples (new and old) I have found that you can accept your FH’s family name socially (social media, events) but you don’t need to go changing your name legally to do so. Honestly, it’s no one’s business if you legally change your name. The only real place where it matters is if you do have children together there will be two different last names. (My mother never changed her name legally but hyphenated her name on her drivers license and bank accounts due to her religious employer). So my birth certificate kind of makes it looks like my parents weren’t together to an unknown person.... which again, doesn’t bother me because it’s my personal possession that isn’t out there in the open.

Its a huge decision and a bit of a process. You have time even after you are married to change your name if you change your mind. There is no timeline you need to follow.

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful marriage whatever name you decide.

Just do what feels right to you and don't overthink it too much. If you love your name too much to change it, then don't change it. My best friend, who is also engaged, is not changing her her name. She once looked up her name online and discovered that she is the only person with her name in the entire world!

In the beginning, I wasn't sure if I wanted to drop my middle name. I knew for sure that I was going to take my (future) husband's name. Marriage was something I've always wanted, but I didn't know what to do about the middle name. So I let the thoughts sit for a while. I thought of my sister's name and of my sister in law's name. They both made their maiden names their middle names and dropped the original middle names. My mother did the same almost forty years ago. Over time, I came to realize that I'm going to drop my middle name for my maiden name too.

As for my middle name: in Judaism, we are named after deceased relatives. So my middle name came from someone whose memory should live on. Maybe we'll decide to name one of our children with it.

So do what feels right to you. If you decide to keep your name as it is, you can always legally change it later on.

My problem has never been with changing my name but how weird it will be without my last name. My last name is Miranda which flows well and is very feminine. My FH's last name is Jorgensen which sounds harsh and very masculine. No one pronounces my first name right so I always go by Miranda (also military family so I'm used to it). I'm not sure how to adjust!!

I'm replacing my middle name with my maiden name, and then taking FH's last name.

Stole the idea from my MIL