Thoughts on this - underage drinking at a wedding

@Victoria....I agree with your assessment of too many studies.

Imho, the major problem with statistics(and the first rule I learned in college)is that they can so easily be skewed.

Here is a little story about how making things "taboo" makes it more enticing: When my eldest was a toddler, I had a clear ginger jar that was full of cookies. It was on the counter. My daughter had treats pretty much any time she wanted, within reason and limits, because I strongly feel one cookie won't spoil dinner, but rather, stimulate appetite. I had a play date with a friend from a Mommy and Me group. When she arrived with her son, she asked that I remove the cookie jar. I refused. It was the parent's choice to forbid the cookie. Her child could not understand, "No!", and never stopped asking. My daughter never even asked. While simplistic, it demonstrates(notice I am not saying proves) that making things taboo makes things more enticing.

@Abz, I know, I was just clarifying where the info came from

I hate to leave, but I'll be back. Keep it interesting ladies, someone is bound to learn something regardless of who's point of view they agree with. We have a lot of young parents, and young adults that aren't parents yet, reading and learning Good day ladies. "I'll be back"

Teresa - I don't feel that I am being defensive I'm just saying that going by your studies most teenagers will pick up an alcoholic beverage before they are 21 regardless of how much discussion there is at home. Peer pressure along with the curiousity will get to most teenagers, but you did ask me to defend my reasoning and again my reasoning is that I don't want my child behind the wheel... so if you do get that call at least I will know that my son was not the one behind the wheel because even though I don't like the idea of him drinking he is well aware of what the responsible way to drink is. Oh believe me I can shut my eyes and believe that because I taught my son that DRINKING IS BAD.. its AGAINST THE LAW that he will never do it but I'm not naive enough to believe that its going to happen.

@Mellojean...With regard to alcohol being a drug, that has dangerous consequences, I couldn't agree with you more. I believe in open discourse on all issues. I strongly feel my girls could only make responsible decisions when armed with education, and a touch of my core values. Moderation is the key to any activity.

Given a choice, I would prefer my girls smoke pot on occassion, than playing beer pong. Alcohol poisoning and binge drinking are serious issues. Smoking a bowl only makes you suck all of the Oreos(Double Stuffed)out of the pantry. No,I don't allow my girls to smoke. No, I don't smoke in front of my girls. However, they do know that too much of anything: booze, pot, gambling, tobacco, or eating Double Stuff Oreos is never a good thing.

I lucked out. I partied pretty hard from about 15 1/2 to 16 1/2. I was wreckless and even got alcohol poisoning in Mexico shortly after I turned 16. My parents didn't know half the crap I was doing. When I look back at that time, I realize that I put myself in really bad situations. Luckily nothing tramatic happened to me. I was lucky enough to have gotten a wake up call from my father a few months before I turned 17. Thank god I outgrew that behavior. Not all kids are bad, but it is so easy to get access to drugs and alcohol... many kids will try it. And they are sneaky! I pray that I never have to deal with a kid like i was.

@Carole- Everything in Moderation!- Benjamin Franklin

And just for the record I'm not a heavy drinker ... we don't have much alcohol in my house and when I do drink its just a couple on the weekend or out with friends... so your statement that they learn what they live is not entirely true... even if I never touched a drink in front of him or in my life at some point he would be introduced to it outside my home ...

Amen mellojean, me too. Sadly, between me and FH I think we have some unfortunate karma coming our way with any future kids.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I have a new outlook on Alcohol. I've seen it's evils when abused and not used in moderation. Back then I just thought I was a total bad-ass.

Oh, I *was* a badass.

@Mellojean...Amen!

I assume that my girls will try and get away with anything they can. I lucked out with my 24 year old. While we butted heads, she only ever came home drunk once. Sadly, it was a parent who served without my permission(She was 16.)For the record, I would have never given my permission. I only recently found out it was a parent that served. Anywho...I woke her behind up at 5:00 a.m. I made her do "community service." She had to clean the dog poo out of all neighbor's yards. It was mid August, and there was a slow mist of rain, and horrid humidity. I saw her puke several times. To this day, she doesn't drink the Captain.

Because of Mexico, I've never had Tequilla again.

@Mellojean....I had an issue in college with Tequilla. I haven't had it since either. When I drink, I stick to beer.

The law states that someone must be 21 to consume alcohol. Personally, I feel that law should be repealed, but that is another topic.

The venue, at least in Oregon where I live, would have the ultimate responsibility for anyone served alcohol who was either under age, or visibly intoxicated. The venue (or caterer) would hold the liquor license, and therefore, are held responsible to make sure that they only serve to those the law allows.

@Carole, I hear you, on the taboo issue. When I was in high school, many of my friends would get some beer for a party and get blitzed. At those parties, I was not in a frenzy to drink like they did. I was allowed to have wine, beer or a mixed drink at home with my parents. Wine was part of a meal, not something to get drunk on.

You see this type of thing in France, Germany, Italy, etc. Alcohol is not the big issue in such places as is is not taboo and considered part of the food experience.

I should probably back away from this thread as I will get a bit too passionate in my responses. LOL!

@Kathy....I agree wholeheartedly on all points made. This is also a topic I have strong opinions on(obviously). Wine is part of the dining experience. If I didn't have GIRD, we would enjoy wine nightly. Maybe, we are a tad more open minded because of the era in which we grew up. ???

I agree that it is the venue and parents responsibility that the alcohol was served. Should the parents be watching their kids? Yes. Should the venue card? Yes. Can kids still "sneak" a drink off the table while someone's dancing? Heck yes. So the parents passing blame should be ashamed of themselves.

As for the rest of this thread. I was one of those kids allowed to drink in my home. Not WITH my mom--she also never supplied it for me--but I did know the ramifications if I did drink and also knew my mom's phone was answered 24/7 no matter where I was she'd come get me. She also preferred if I did party to do it under her roof with her there to protect us all. She also never let anyone drink that wasn't ok'ed through their parentals first. I was never allowed to drink at any family functions (Except my brothers wedding when I was 20) but I never really wanted to. It wasn't a taboo for me.

That being said, my aunt lets my 16 year old cousin do all sorts of things that

Make my husband and I cringe. She served my cousin and her 17 year old boyfriend get completely trashed with her at our family's 4th of July gathering. While my mom let me drink in the house I was 18 and over. She only allowed that when I was an "adult." I don't see a problem with a parent giving their kid a drink just to make it a non mysterious object and I am perfectly in step with Carole and Victoria (and whoever else said it) I just don't know how I will feel in that situation. No I don't want my kid drinking underage but it happens. I did it. My friends did it. You can't stop it. You can just do your best to make sure your kid(s) know what happens when it's too much and that it is ok in moderation. For the record I was a star athlete in high school and college (hello sports scholarship) and I had my first drink at 17 (I think?). There are always going to be people on both sides of every fence.

My point was pointless really. Hm

@Carole, for me, I do not think it is the time I grew up in, rather the family (my fathers family came here from Germany where wine was on the table) and my parents were pretty forward thinking. Now, my ex's family NEVER allowed alcohol at any function and half of the kids binged in college. Oy!

@Nicci, what your aunt did, letting underage (or any age for that matter) get trashed is the problem with so many, when it comes to alcohol. Unfortunately, those examples end up being what people hear about, so those who drink responsibly get lumped in with those who don't.

Of course, that happens with many things, not just drinking.