Thoughts on this - underage drinking at a wedding

When I was a kid my mom made my sister and I try beer (like 2 little drinks each). It was horrible! I still can barely stand it. When I was a teen I could drink at home whenever mom got wine. I never, ever went out to a party and drank. I had a lot of friends that did but I never really saw the appeal. My parents always said that if I was drink that I could call them and they would drive me home without saying a word. I never tested that theory though. I still don't drink much. I have a fruity drink with dinner every once in a while (right now I am drinking on a mikes hard mango punch lol) I will drink a six pack over the course of a month probably. I firmly believe that my parents letting me drink a little now and then kept me from drinking at parties and drinking heavily now that I could. I learned to appreciate alcohol instead of abuse it. My cousin who wasn't allowed to drink at all is now dragging her 2 small kids to parties where she drinks.

The legal age in England is still 18, I'm with everyone that if you are an adult and can fight for your country, vote etc., you should be able to have a drink.

actually drunk driving is taken more seriously in England, whenever I go there, everyone takes cabs, even if they are only having one drink.

it's all about having good parents (although my stepdad is borderline..lol). My daughter doesn't like to drink, I offered to let her drink on her 18th birthday and she refused. Lindsey on the other hand did it all behind Rick's back. I agree if you make something taboo, it becomes more enticing.

To Fins' point, I think the venue should card anytime they are serving alcohol, however, the parents have to share a lot of that responsibility. i was at a wedding with Sara last year and the kid wasn't out of my sight hardly at all. I definitely would have known if she was drinking.

It is up to the venue becuase it is their licesnse but I would be really upset if they tried to card a guest. I'm having a drinking age and up only wedding so it wont be an issue. Obviously everyone doesn't do that. In those cases I think its up to the parents to make sure they don't drink.

As far as carding someone, in Oregon, anyone who appears to be under the age of 27 is supposed to be carded. If they are not, the server can loose their license to serve alcohol for a while along with a fine for the individual as well as the venue.

Many places in Oregon ask their employees to card those who appear to be 35 or under, to truly protect themselves.

Last week, I was pouring at a tasting at one of my accounts. I carded three people. Two of them were 23. The other guy, who truly looked as if he *might* be 23 or 23, well, he turned out to be 42! LOL!

I just want to add that I was not your typical party girl either. I never had a drink until I was almost 18, I was the president of the National Spanish Honor Society, in Volunteens, Choir, Musicals, marching band, cheerleading, the school newspaper editor, a two-year student football trainer, and a four year student council member. I never said ALL eighteen year olds drink. I said 18 year olds drink and there's nothing you can say or do to stop them. I was religious, in fact I grew up in a Baptist church, my grandfather is a pastor, I was saved at 8 and baptized then also, I was a student leader and never missed a Sunday or Wednesday throughout high school. I wanted to drink because I was told not to and I was sick of being "perfect." There is no specific stereotype of teens who will drink, especially not in this period of time.

Fins- sorry for the post hijack! Yes, bartenders should card but the parents should also monitor their kids.

If I ran an event business I would have a strict policy against serving minors or intoxicated adults. In spite of policies, people tend to find ways around the the rules (the "cool" 21 year cousin plying the 16 year olds etc.). But from a legal perspective I would strongly discourage it.

I gotta say, one of the main reasons I love WW is because there are so many educated and diverse opinions here. Love, love, love it!

@Victoria, I understand, but never was I trying to come across as if you had something to justify to me or anyone else. I’m not making any judgment calls on your parenting. I was curious to your reasoning, not asking you to defend it. When guiding my daughter, I don’t just tell her what not to do, I give, and show her reasons why she shouldn’t do it. As a parent, I’m doing all that I can to give her the tools in which I believe will be beneficial to her becoming a responsible, contributing member to this society. True, not every scenario turns out the same for every person, however, lot’s of things can be gained by being responsible. There are parents in jail right now, as well as parents with police records, that have the same frame of thought as you, they rather there children be in the safety of their homes; however, for them, that defense didn’t hold up in court.

In regards to children learning what they live, there is absolute truth to that, the positive and negative decisions they make in life stems from it. Some children who’ve grown up with drug and alcohol addicted parents choose to not drink, or do drugs, why, because they learned by seeing their parents do it, and they didn’t want that for themselves. Some children, do the opposite, they turn out like their parents, some worse. These are just the facts of life.

I’m on the fence when it comes to peer pressure. One of my sayings to my daughter is, “you were born an original, don’t die a copy.” In her short 14 years of living, she has shown me time and lime again that she is her own person, and is not easily influenced by those around her. She’s no angel, and she’s had a couple of lesson from the school of hard knocks, but all in all, she learns from her mistakes, and those mistakes were solely based on self-preservation, not peer pressure, or anything of the kind. I don’t knock any parent for doing what they feel they have to do in order to protect their children, yet in some cases, I just wouldn’t do the same thing. If these little buggers came with a handbook, our job would be much easier.

@Jacklyn, “I was a student leader and never missed a Sunday or Wednesday throughout high school. I wanted to drink because I was told not to and I was sick of being "perfect."

My point exactly, you *choose* to drink. Many young adults with the same up bring as you choose *not to drink* because of those same reasons. Not saying alcohol is sinful, we all know Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding, but the Bible does teach to “obey the laws of the land”. Therefore, many choose not to drink until they are old enough.

My bad, *chose*...

The venue should be required to card the guests and parents should also watch out for their children. It is one thing to allow them drink in your home but something entirely different to allow them to drink in public. I have a soon-to-be 18 year old. I allowed him to try some champagne at New Year's and he didn't care for it. Many things were never taboo in the house so alot of things other teens seem to try he has no desire to. As for the military drinking age, all branches of the services no longer practice the within 50 miles of Canada or Mexico rule. The Air Force never did. The Navy was the first to establish directives banning the practice then the Army followed suit. The Marines have softened the policy some in regards to foreign ports, infrequent events such as unit's redeployments or the Marine Corps' Birthday Ball but commanders must ensure appropriate measures are in place to ensure the safety of the Marines and the surrounding community.

I may have a different opinion with regards to this matter because I grew up where the drinking age is 18, but I don't see the big deal about drinking at 18 vs 21. Quite honestly it is like that here, and 99% of the people I grew up with are well adjusted people who at this stage of their lives like to drink socially, but rarely to excess. Though it was novel at first to go out and get sh!tfaced at the bar, by the age of 22 most of us had moved past that point, and were no longer interested in binge drinking. Drinking at the age of 18 is no different than drinking at the age of 21. There will always be people who are "young for their age" and there will be people perfectly capable of handling themselves. I agree with everyone above who said the key is education, and having an open relationship with your kids so that they will call you if they are in a situation that they can't handle.

The difference between 18 and 21 lies in the years in between that allow for further maturation. Alcohol is NOT a substance that should consumed without adequate knowledge of its effects.I lived in San Diego, Ca for many years, and have seen ifirst hand the irresponsibilty of some American youth that take the deduction of the legal drinking age way too far. I've seen girls, 18 years of age, passed out in Mexican clubs. I can only imagine what may have happened to them. Point blank, what works for other countries does not always work for the U.S.. Laws are set in place for the people and their protection. Taking these laws lightly, or coming to one's own rationalization of said laws can lead to trouble.

From a legal stand point, it is up to whoever holds the liquor license.

Legally, if you see a parent serving an underage child, you are required to intervene. Not that all venues do, but by virtue of having a liquor license, the person who has that license is responsible for who drinks. If one of those underage guests gets in an accident and kills someone, the venue could actually be charged in civil court as a contributor to manslaughter. (Though this typically falls back on the individual server, so if you're a server there, I'd DEFINITELY be careful!)

The fines for servers providing alcohol to underage persons are also extremely high and get worse depending on which offense your on and will lead to jail time if you're a repeat offender.

The laws depend on the state/country in which you live. As a PP mentioned, it is permitted in Ohio for parents to give their underage children alcohol. But every state's law is different, so you have to look at what is legal in your jurisdiction.

In those states/countries in which it is legal for parents to give their underage children alcohol, I would not try to stop them. My daughter had her first serious alcohol (more than a teaspoonful of wine on a Friday night) at a wedding in Israel when she was 15. She asked her father for a glass of something alcoholic, and he got it for her. She said, "Gee, I don't feel anything, could I have another one?" So he got her another one. She said, "Still not feeling anything, could I have another one?" So he got her another one. Then she said, "Um, Dad, can you please make the room stop spinning?" I'd much rather she have that experience in a room full of family looking out for her than try it for the first time on her own.

Eh, let them look the other way

Probably one of those types of parents who don't watch their own kids but then get appalled and mad at everyone else for something happening.

Like hello? Where were you when your kid went to the bar? SMH

I also agree with your previous comment about it being a 'private event' so it's like having a party at a private residence. I see everyone's point of carding to cover the ass's of the venue and such. But who in the world thinks of carding at a wedding. I'm surprised that one person said they attended 7 weddings and got carded all 7 times. I have never been carded at a wedding. Ever. But most of us don't do open bar either.

@Heather.. My dad was the same way. My mom wasn't too happy about it but I can honestly say I was never out in a field with a bunch of teens drinking like a fish. I drank at family functions and still had a good time. Even now at 27 I barely drink.

I tried explaining to a family member with a rebellious 17 year old daughter that the more strict you are, the more they rebel. I'm not saying let them get smashed or worse. But let them drink in moderation with your supervision and it teaches them they can drink responsibly and still have fun.

@Victoria Hernandez

You are not alone. My dad always allowed me to drink at home or family functions when I was 14-15. I never went out and partied with other teens my age or older. I feel it teaches them to be responsible. I'm not saying its the case for every minor but. I'm 27 now and can still say I never went to a party underage or of age and got smashed. Drink responsibly was pounded into me lol

I've seen first hand what happens when parents are too strict. The kids just rebel behind their backs and end up in bad situations. Currently went through that this summer with a family member. Tried telling her mother that the more she harps on her, grounds her, & sucks the fun out of life, she is just gonna do it behind her back even worse.