Throwing an impromptu bridal shower/ bachelorette party for a friend

Its nice of you to want to host something, but if others are required to put out their own money for said party, it's not hosted and probably just shouldn't be done at all. Either cut it down to just a handful of extra close people (like 5) and go to the winery and pay for it all, or talk to those select few and make sure everyone is agreeable to pay for themselves/the bride

I think if the few guests know the situation upfront and about paying for themselves they can decide for themselves. I would pay my own way in this situation and not be upset. I think it’s great you want to do something nice for her.

I think a party at the house is fine....offer what you can and if they wish to have more then can order it and have it delivered. Also, I see no issue with people buying their own stuff but please let them know in advance

What about doing a paint night for everybody instead? Buy canvases in the bulk packs with coupons, paints and brushes can be cheap. There's a ton of tutorials on YouTube (I recommend TheArtSherpa) that you can put into a usb and hook up to a TV. Rent out a small space, slap a tarp down, and maybe rent some chairs or benches if you need to. It's a ton of fun and wine can easily be involved. This would be perfect for a bachelorette party. I would only invite the wedding party though.

Or host a shower at your place. Incorporate a theme that allows you to use those bean bags (I would never complain about sitting in a bean bag chair, I love them!). I think they'd bring a more casual, but fun feel to it. Perhaps talk with a bridesmaid or MOH to get an idea of what to do from them or ask if they could pitch in?

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I'd love to rent out a small space like you suggest, but I'm having trouble brainstorming where to look for that kind of a space besides restaurants (which all want minimum purchases of food). Any suggestions for that?

She doesn't have a wedding party, but I am thinking of asking a mutual friend if she is interested in co-hosting. Not sure though.

I think your heart is in the right place but, unfortunately, it is rude to invite people to a shower and expect them to pay for themselves since they are generally expected to bring a gift.

I think you do have a few options:

1. Plan something for just you and the bride (spa day, shopping and lunch, etc.) and you pay for both of you.

2. Host a small group for a bridal shower, 5-10 people, at your home and you provide the food/alcohol.

3. Have an open invitation "hang out" bachelorette party. Basically, just say I'm thinking of taking the bride out on X night for (dinner, a winery, whatever) anyone who would like to join us is welcome to attend, the cost pp is $X. Please let me know by X date so I can make a reservation. This makes it clear that you are not hosting the event and is completely optional. This is how we've arranged group get-togethers within my friend circle and there has never been an issue.

The only thing I would caution is to ensure that everyone invited to this pre-wedding event is invited to the wedding too. Inviting someone not invited to the wedding would be an etiquette faux pas.

View Quoted Comment I personally hosted a paint party in my parents backyard last summer. Perhaps you or that possible co-host could set that up? Even clearing a room out and placing a few tarps down does the trick. Otherwise, I would look up venues in your area. Sometimes there are empty buildings or gardens that are specifically rented out for parties.

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Look into local libraries, community centers, schools (including college/university), recreation centers or even church basements.

My friend has rented a room at a local community center many times (for baby showers and her kids birthday parties). It costs something like $25 for 1/2 the day and she can bring in her own food. The room usually fits 10-50 people (depending on the size she books) and comes with tables and chairs. It's not fancy by any means but, we usually throw up some streamers and balloons order some deli trays, fruit, and veggie platters, pizza, etc. and it is a fairly affordable way to have a get together outside of a home or restaurant. This could work really well for the pp's suggestion of a DIY paint nite.

If you're doing the winery as her bachelorette party, then I think it's fine for everyone to pitch in and/or buy their own tasting.

Is there anyone else that is interested in co-hosting this with you? Or that would be willing to have the shower at their house and you bring food and drinks? If not, I think hosting in your own home is your best bet. You can ask 1-2 people to bring folding chairs if that would be more comfortable, and set up a small folding table with a plastic tablecloth.

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The library is a great idea! I'll check into that! And maybe the school too! Thanks!

If it's a bridal shower, host it at your house and pay for catered food and have wine and beer. See if you can borrow folding chairs for seating. You shouldn't ask a guest to pay for themselves.

If it's a bachelorette night out at a restaurant or somewhere else, then I would think everyone would expect and be happy to pay their own way, but you or the group should pay for the Bride To Be.

I would style it more like a bachelorette and let people pay their way at the winery. A shower would imply they should bring a gift and they shouldn't have to do that, plus pay their own way.

Or have a smaller group and host at your house. Is she registered? She would need to register before she really could have a shower.

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No, she isn't registered. Yeah, not an actual bridal shower, but I hesitated calling it a bachelorette party either because it would definitely need to be low-key, and I would invite her mom as well, so more like a bridal luncheon thing. Just some sort of celebration to toast her and make her feel special. That's a good point though, I shouldn't call it a shower.

I rented out a room at a local park/recreation building for about $100 to host a friend's baby shower. You could find somewhere like that.

If you do it as more of a bachelorette, then I think the expectation is guests pay their own way and the host would cover the bride.