Time for wedding preparation/family vacation

Honestly it sounds like you need to hire professionals to do someone of this stuff instead of trying to do it all yourself. Otherwise I think you, your fiance and whoever else is helping will be so burnt out before the wedding. Personally I would hire someone to handle all of the food. Trying to safely prepare food for that many people is going to be a ton of work. You could also look into hiring people to help with set up. Maybe some young college students that wouldn't expect tons of money to set up things like tables and chairs.

If you are sharing the responsibility of this wedding with your partner, then he cannot go on vacation. You are family now. Plot all duties on a spreadsheet (list form) and onto a calendar. Show him. Hire professionals who specialize in whatever you need (mowing, food safety). Rent linens and other items so you don't have to clean up yourself. Just because you're not ironing yourself, doesn't mean you don't have stress and work in planning and coordination. Also, give your family a break by not having them labor. They already have residual trauma from the last wedding (as do you).

I completely agree with Veronica. It sounds like you need professional help with this. 100% you need to hire somebody that does catering- even if it is just a local restaurant or grocer. Trying to safely prepare food for 200 people alone is going to be too much work for you and your family. Events this big on private property NEED a coordinator and staff. I fear if you continue on this way, your wedding is going to be miserable for you, your family, and everyone else you are planning to use as free labor. This should be one of the happiest and most fun experiences of your life, and it doesn’t sound like this is going to be. I would definitely start looking for a coordinator asap to reel this all in for you.
As far as the family staycation goes, FH’s family needs to plan that for after the wedding, if they want you and FH to attend. I would just let them know that you guys would love to attend, but can only do so if it happens after the wedding. Otherwise, you will have to skip it this year, but you’ll celebrate with them at the wedding instead. Good luck! I hope it all works out!

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Hi,

thank you for the comments. I should have been more specific: we are not making the food! We are hiring a caterer, but I believe that we have to buy the food. (The ironic thing is that he and his mom are suggesting that we do it potluck style..... my family and I are totally against that as it seems tacky to us and also would be a disaster.) Also I should have clarified that we are hiring parking attendants, food staff, etc., the caterer, etc, etc. It is just that it is not a rented venue where the people there would be responsible for all set up and tear down, plus since it is our own place, we want to make it nice looking.

That’s good that you have some professional help. But even then, there will still lots of last minute phone calls, hiccups, etc coordinating with them in the lead-up to the wedding. You and your family are absolutely correct that having to deal with all that while on a two week vacation is just not going to work. I agree with prior posters who suggested that you and FH turn down this year’s family trip if they’re insisting on doing it before the wedding. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself anyway because you’ll be worried about everything not getting done. Sit down with FH and ask him what he’s envisioning the last month before the wedding to look like, and calmly explain to him where he’s being unrealistic (which I can guarantee he is).

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Hi again,

Michelle, yes we are sharing responsibility. My family is paying as that is traditional, but he is totally involved. Actually... we were already married at a tiny immediate family-only minimony done for medical reasons in December. Also to clarify, when my sister and her husband had their wedding, they had gotten engaged in the summer and wanted to have a wedding before fall to have an outdoor wedding and not delay till the next year for family-starting reasons. Anyway, they gave us 6 weeks which ensured lots of issues... but as they say they signed up for that My whole family wants to avoid those issues this times. We actually bought all of the tables, chairs, linen, dishes, vases, and all. So my point is that even if all is okay and there were no issues, planning a vacation before a wedding, is in my opinion, a recipe for disaster. I should also clarify that we cannot afford to hire people to do everything. Thank you for the comments. I just need help with the reasons why a vacation beforehand isn't okay. And I am super upset as he is very upset with me and saying he isn't going to agree with me on this one I feel that eh is being extremely unrealistic.

View Quoted Comment It’s good that you are getting professionals to help with a lot of the stuff. I do agree with others here that your fiancé needs to see that anything having to do with you two is priority now. There are many families that see an annual family vacation as important (my in-laws are like this too), however that does not mean you guys are required to go. My husband and I had to turn down going on his family’s annual vacation at the end of 2022 because we just didn’t have the PTO to swing it after using so much on our honeymoon earlier that year. They were disappointed but quickly realized these things happen and we have prioritize ourselves.


His family might be upset by that, but it’s life. You guys are becoming your own “household” and family, so your needs come first. I’d gently tell your FH that there will always be more annual family vacations y’all can join in on, but this year’s is going to have to take a backseat because your wedding only happens once.

I think you should pass on the vacation as you will be in heavy planning mode in the days leading up to your wedding. There will be much to do, especially since it’s a DIY venue.


Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event and your family should not get mad if you are unable to attend their annual vacation.

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Aye, planning personal time and family time is hard. I personally had conflicts with this in my own marriage. As for reasons to give him, Shannon and Erin were direct-- you have only one (1) reception in your lifetime. If you need to lay on the guilt more, say your side of the family will look bad if this reception is poorly executed and you both should protect them and yourselves. And last, let me reiterate the most important, YOU are family with your spouse. The others will have to get over it because you are now responsible onto yourselves. Best wishes!

I agree wholeheartedly that your fiancé's family either needs to schedule their annual trip for some time after the wedding or accept that you AND YOUR FIANCE won't be there. Two weeks before the wedding is crunch time, and it's not fair to your family to have to shoulder that burden just so your in-laws can have their picture-perfect vacation. Like others have said, they have a trip every year, but you're only going to get to have this event once in your life. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made.