Tips for writing personal vows?

Vows are promises. What do you intend to bring to the marriage? It’s not a recap of your relationship or what you love about them. It’s what you are committing to do and bring to the relationship.


Google vows and see what comes up. Offbeatbride.com has quite a few.

I am wondering the same thing... just sent the first draft to my pastor... i started off with confirming this is the ONE God has for me, and why. how it slowly grew from interest , to liking, to loving him and why, ie: how he only knew me a few months but was protective of me from his room mate's dog, (dog was always trying to jump up on me, or hump my leg) Ryan kept the dog at bay lol, even when the dog's owner was in the same room.

then the vows, or promises I am making to him, and then confirming again he is the ONLY ONE FOR ME, and how much i love him

I think a combination of all three (reflecting on journey, saying thank you/I love you, and making promises) is a good idea! The vows should at least include the promises you are making to each other, but you can also add in your favorite memories from throughout the relationship, telling them you love them, and promises for the future.

We're doing this too during our first look. It took me months to sit down and write my vows because I felt like the right words wouldn't come to me but once I started, they spilled out so easily and quickly surprisingly! Try listening to your first dance song or the song you will walk down the aisle to. It helped put me in the right headspace to feel all mushy inside lol. My vows start with how I felt when I first met him and progress to how he has impacted my life and then all my vows to him as his wife and best friend and ends with how much I love him and can't wait to be his wife. Re-reading it afterwards, it's filled with so many inside jokes that we share so it's a mix of super sappy and funny and feels like us. I intentionally didn't read examples of vows before I started writing so I could focus on him and us, and not try to make it "perfect" if that makes sense. It will come to you!

You may be finding yourself recapping because you're unknowingly overwhelmed with all of the possibilities of what you could say. Try to narrow it down, use a thought exercise - if you were on a sinking boat and you only had a few minutes to tell your husband-to-be how you feel, what would you say?

You can have a mix of talking about him and your relationship, and also your promises. Some suggestions to think about that might help you:

What makes him a good person (independent of you)?
What makes him a good partner?
How does he make you better or improve your life? (This is a more romantic way of telling him how thankful you are.)
What are some of his weaknesses, and how can you help with them? You don't have to call those weaknesses out directly - that wouldn't be something he'd want to hear on his wedding day, obviously! Focus on what you will do. Let's say our groom has a high-stress job, and he has a tendency to bring it home with him. "I promise to be compassionate to you when you are struggling." Turn those weaknesses around by acknowledging how you will positively respond to them. (Of course, be genuine to yourself here. Your promises should be how you will really act!)
How do you make him better or improve his life? You know you do - and you can absolutely turn those into vows! If you are his unwavering cheerleader, even when he decided he would join a Motley Crue cover band that one time, promise to always encourage him, no matter how wild the idea. If you are the one person he can tell anything and know you won't ever tell another soul, promise you will always be his secret-keeper. If you never fail to make sure he has a delicious dinner waiting when he comes home, promise to always nourish him, body and soul. Get as creative or abstract or as on-the-nose as you want (just remember you are promising to do these for the rest of your life! )

Nothing is off-limits here. And because you are doing this in private, you can be more candid if you want to. These are just some ideas you can think about to get your thoughts rolling.