Title for friend who is helping plan but not in the wedding party?

Not everyone needs a title, so I would accept the interest and help graciously. If you would like to thank her what about a corsage for the wedding?

View Quoted Comment

Yes, however I would *like* to give them a title. Especially as they will be helping me with so many aspects (almost as much as my wedding planner) and participating in my bachelorette party and other bridal events. I already will be offering a gift for their wonderful work with me, but I do want a touch of respect by naming a title.

Why can't you just put at the end of the program: "A very special thank you to Jane Smith for her countless hours helping to make our day special" ? It sounds like she really doesn't want to be in the limelight.

I think I’ve seen this happen before. I had a friend in college in a Catholic group I was in that got married after she graduated. One of our mutual friends helped her plan stuff but was not in her wedding party. She listed her in the program as “Wedding Coordinator”

Thank you for the suggestion, Erin. I think for my friend Wedding coordinator would be quite fitting, although I may still workshop some other ideas. My wedding will be having a sort of fantastical theme (think lord of the rings) so I definitely want to play up things.

I appreciate people asking me why my friend needs a title at all, however this is not helpful to my discussion. My friend is perfectly comfortable being mentioned in the program and by a title, and I am just seeking some help thinking of creative solutions!

Accept the help without giving them a title. The closest thing to what you are describing if you must have one is “personal assistant” but it’s actually more of a consolation prize title because there is no honor to it, despite best intentions.

View Quoted Comment

Hm, while I definitely don't agree with your assessment of the situation, I respect it. In any case your suggestion of "personal assistant" has helped me actually narrow down similar roles. Thank you!

So I recently went looking for this! It's "honorary". So, for my wedding, I will only have like 3 bridesmaids, but I will have honorary attendants that are involved in planning and management. My husband-to-be has also decided to adopt this and will have his own honorary attendants. You can use the term "bridesmaid" or "groomsman" after instead of attendant, but he and I will have a mix of both male and female friends filling this role. Hope this helps!

View Quoted Comment

Oh that's just what I've been looking to add! I knew I had to not have been the only one going through this hahaha. This is a great Idea thank you.

I would be careful with using "honorary". Sometimes that means that they didn't make the cut to be actual bridesmaids, and it can end up feeling like a consolation title. The reason I say this is that I've seen posts from "honorary" members wondering what it meant.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your caution. My plan however was always to communicate with my friend first and ask if they would accept the title before announcing it first, and since they let me know know already they would love to be involved, just not as a member of the wedding party, I think it will be okay. I will probably go with "honorary bridal aide"

Where is the honor? You're giving your friend a title instead of paying her for her time. She may offer help now, but realize she has her own job and other personal matters and may not be able to dedicate the time you were expecting. Giving her a title in advance looks may create a guilt trip. Also, "honorary bridesmaid" sounds like she didn't make the cut for your inner group.

Honestly I'm surprised by how many haters there are in here yikes. I'm done being polite about it so I will be 100% honest with y'all.

Once again, for the *record* my friend:

1. Was offered to be a bridesmate and declined (totally fair!)

2. Said they would LOVE to help with "everything and anything up to the ceremony itself"

3. Is a very close friend of mine who I have talked to about this very issue

4. Is being sponsored with a room at our wedding (because I love them!) and will receive a gift as thanks

Now, I already have a wedding planner, and I also do not want to use my friend as a wedding planner because I don't want to create a transactional relationship. Which is also why I am not paying them. What I do want to do, is have a silly little name to call them for my big big party. I never realized I'd be stepping on the hornet's nest with this.

In any case we have talked already, and we're going with "Wedding Strategist" and also informally "Bridal Fairy" because it's fun and cute. If that helps you all realize that it's not all that serious and I just want to show my love and appreciation for my friend with a fun little role to play.

P.S. Thank you to the commenters in this thread for your suggestions, while I did not directly take of them up it was very helpful in thinking of some fun titles to workshop.
P.P.S please stop misgendering my friend who uses they/them/theirs pronouns, thank you.

View Quoted Comment LOVE the title “Bridal Fairy”!!

I'm going to be honest. It sounds fishy to me. Don't honor them if they aren't willing to help an support you an your husband. I'm very positive I just read it an to me its jealousy. An yes I'm going through the same thing I'm not being supported nor is this person trying to help an this person in my wedding this person is Matron of Honor an not helping me plan this at all this person doesn't have my back like I would for them so yes ma'am it happens to the most of us. Best wishes on your wedding an congratulations.

View Quoted Comment I think you read this wrong. This individual IS helping out. They are doing a lot for the couple and supporting them, they just don’t want to be in the spot light standing in the bridal party.

View Quoted Comment My mistake if I did. If they don't want to be honored just surprise them with a special thank you gift. My apologies if I read it wrongly.

View Quoted Comment I did read wrong an I apologize for the reading wrong.

I think thanking them by name in your speech (if you plan to give one) would be a really nice gesture. If you don't plan to give a speech, then a "thank you" blurb in your program would be a nice alternative. I also think including them in your corsage or boutonniere order would be appropriate.

If you don’t already have a coordinator you could give her that title?