To Bar Or Not To Bar

Do you really think those guests would be shocked at the presence of alcohol at a wedding reception? It's a very common practice (most receptions have alcohol), so surely they have experienced this and it wouldn't come as a surprise. I assume these people go out to eat at restaurants?- So they should be used to dining next to people who imbibe. I wouldn't feel the need to "warn" guests about the bar at your wedding - I think that would just draw unnecessary attention to it. Have your bar and just trust that your guests can handle themselves like adults.

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding!

What do YOU want? You mention the groom, his family and your family, but do you don't state your preference. If you want a dry wedding, you need to have a conversation with your groom about your joint vision for your wedding.

However, if you don't care either way, I would go ahead and have at least beer and wine (maybe your groom/his family can compromise and not have hard liquor?). Alcohol is very common at weddings even when there are likely to be teetotalers there. If there is anyone likely to be scandalized, I think the way forward is to give them a head's up but do what you and your groom want to do.

We recently went to a dry wedding and it was very boring, and everyone left after dinner was done.

It is a party, people expect alcohol.

I wouldn’t spread the word past your immediate family unless they or you have reason to believe there are guests who wouldn’t attend if alcohol is present or who would leave upon discovery. In that case I can see the advantage of a private heads up.

While as a host once you invite others it's not just about you, at the same time as a guest it's not all about me. A luncheon might be a better choice for the reasons you say, but at the same time there is no rule that you must serve alcohol. I’m going to a wedding to see the couple get married and to help them and their family celebrate. Cake cutting is the earliest it’s considered appropriate to leave barring extenuating circumstances and that’s usually after dancing and toward the end anyway. I wouldn’t expect a mass exodus before that.

A dry wedding is not against etiquette at all, but it will set a different kind of atmosphere at the event. It's not realistic to have a dry wedding but also expect a real party vibe. If you're good with dinner and a bit of dancing then do that. If you want evening reception with lots of dancing and late into the night, it works better to serve alcohol to those that want it.

I really think you should look at what you want. Also, as stated above, what sort of vibe do you want to create? This is such a tough decision. I actually prefer weddings without alcohol, but I am certainly not offended by alcohol at events. Will your family members be offended? Limiting it to beer and wine and champagne would be a reasonable compromise. I sure hope you can come to a mutually acceptable solution

I've been to dry parties that were very lively. It just depends on your people.

I have some heavy drinkers on my guest list, so we have some mitigating measures. We'll let everyone know that once they're cut off, they will be removed from the reception if they continue to try to drink. We won't allow shots or neat pours and all wine glasses will be 4oz at a time.

As for drinking and driving, I feel that as the host it is my responsibly to make sure guests that have been drinking get home safely. I hired a shuttle to take guests to and from the venue so they can drink if they want and not worry about driving.

Our venue and caterer require us to buy our own alcohol, which is generally cheaper. Many liquor stores will give you a discount if you buy large quantities and/or by the case. I was able to get wine for $7/bottle. I bought spirits in 1.75L bottles instead of 0.75L bottles because it's cheaper. Doing just beer and wine willy likely be cheaper. Kegs are the cheapest option for beer, but you need someone who knows who to tap them and a venue that allows them.

I’ve also been to plenty of high energy weddings where the majority of guests are not drinkers or big drinkers at all. IMO it’s sad when people are so dependent on alcohol that they need it to have a good time or would leave unacceptably early without it. Again, I’m there for the couple or their family not for me.

There's no need to tell in anyone in advance that you're going to have alcohol at the wedding. All that's going to do is open the door for judgement and vocal opinions. It's perfectly normal (and expected) to have alcohol at a wedding, even only for a toast. If they are adults living in the real world they encounter alcohol (restaurants, work events, weddings, etc.) Dry weddings are not ideal especially when half of the guests do enjoy a refreshment.

Alcohol is usually expected at weddings and you don't owe anyone an explanation BUT if you want to give them a heads up, there's nothing wrong with that 🥰

Even though people like to think it is black and white, there is no one size fits all answer. This is something that you and fiancé have to agree or learn to compromise on. Wedding planning gives practice for the rest of the marriage on how to problem solve and set and maintain boundaries with consequences.


The challenge is that you are trying to combine two opposite mindsets and they don’t work together because one or both will have to give something up.
If you were to read any given post on dry weddings, even with the arguments for them, you would think it was the height of rudeness and evil. It’s actually not and many social circles only have dry weddings for valid reasons. But the approach is all wrong. Why would you warn guests ahead if there is no alcohol but you would not if there was pie instead of cake because a million and one posts say no anywhere touches cake and it’s equally expensive but people say the same online about a dry wedding ruining the festivities? Everyone is being served some type of beverage beyond water (usually something fancy such as flavored lemonades, coffee bar, virgin cocktails, etc), and in the second scenario, everyone is served dessert even though some don’t touch any dessert except cake at a wedding. With the dessert scenario, people are told to shut up and eat what’s on their plate but are told to walk out of a dry wedding. Why? On the same token, people who don’t drink can and do visit restaurants and other establishments including the grocery store that sell alcohol but they don’t make a big deal about it like their opponents claim. Do people feel the need to warn others ahead of time that “ABC restaurant” sells alcohol? Of course not. Why would a wedding be different? In my family, we have never been to a wedding that served alcohol, largely for “religious reasons”, although they drink in their homes or out to eat occasionally, and no one was upset either way who wasn’t part of the social circle nor did they leave early at any wedding in the past. One wedding had a bride specifically request her brother and mother not attend because both were alcoholics and the rest were dry and people didn’t ask where they were. In husband’s family, alcohol is not an issue and I knew my relatives would be accepting and not judgmental, and there were no issues even if an equal number chose not to drink. We didn’t tell anyone ahead of time whether alcohol would be served or not, nor has it been mentioned for the dry weddings we have attended and no one said a word, when they have no issues sharing their thoughts about any other grievances they have, as long as it’s out of earshot of the hosts.
Some circles serve alcohol, but despite the vocal support, they are not as widespread in every family and social circle as people want you to believe. For every person who says “you are a crap host if you don’t serve flowing alcohol and if someone doesn’t drink or is triggered, then they need to stay home permanently “ which is the overall message that the “you must serve alcohol or your guests will be miserable” crowd sends. Not everyone wants or needs it to enjoy themselves and it’s actually a sign that the people who cannot function without alcohol have a problem. But they don’t want to acknowledge it when it gets to that point, and a lot of responses advocating alcohol are stated to the degree that are textbook examples of how dependents think. If someone chooses to bring a bottle in their car to drink in the parking lot instead of celebrating with you, or they leave outright, that speaks more about them than it does you.
At the end of the day, someone will be upset and others’ opinions and feelings are not your responsibility but being a good host is. Being a good host means providing an enjoyable experience where guests go home happy and sated and they don’t have to open their wallets at any time. Serving alcohol is not the bare minimum requirement and many people enjoy themselves without a drop, nor any warnings beforehand are remotely necessary if it will be served or not.

We had a similar discussion. I wanted to have alcohol and he didn't, because of 5 people on his side that don't drink. We compromised and are serving beer and wine as people are less likely to get stupid drunk on those choices (plus it was cheaper for us to get a temporary beer and wine license than for a 3 way license which our venue and state require us to have). Our bartender also has permission to cut people off if she feels it's necessary and have someone ask them to leave if they become belligerent, which I highly doubt will happen lol. I think if you guys have a clear discussion of what you BOTH want for your day you will come to a great solution

I think a small amount of alcohol will not harm anyone, but this is of course at your discretion. Anyone who doesn’t drink is unlikely to want to try it at your wedding

We’re compromising on a beer & wine bar — my fiancé was worried about an open bar because some of our friends can really drink but he hates cash bars, and my relatives like your fiancé’s expect alcohol. I agree with previous posters that a warning is not required, but you might tell your parents and let them spread the word in casual conversation among the relatives what to expect. That’s how I pre-warned my relatives that I wouldn’t be inviting kids! It lets word go out so they know what to expect, but it keeps it casual and reduces the commentary to you directly.

View Quoted Comment I like that idea! Thank you!