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Delaney
Dedicated April 2023

To change name or not in modern day?

Delaney, on August 15, 2023 at 5:03 PM

Posted in Married Life 58

Hello, I am a new bride (4 months ago was our wedding day on the 22nd). I am increasingly torn on changing my last name. I am military so have even more additional hoops to jump through to change my name. I am about to finish my doctorate and this early on in my career I have been told now is the...

Hello, I am a new bride (4 months ago was our wedding day on the 22nd). I am increasingly torn on changing my last name. I am military so have even more additional hoops to jump through to change my name. I am about to finish my doctorate and this early on in my career I have been told now is the time to change it. However, I am currently developing a professional network where people know me by Bennett, my maiden name. I have also gotten judgmental feedback from others that my name sounds "less cool" with my husband's last name (they say it doesn't flow as well). I know I shouldn't care about their opinions on it, but it does flow better with my maiden name. I know there's an option to go by married name socially and keep my maiden name for legal and professional purposes, but I also don't want to make my future more complicated than it needs to be. I also am okay with our children having our husband's last name and not hyphenating them, but I have heard from some mothers who kept their maiden name but their children took their husbands it was something they later regretted since they didn't share a family name with their children.


I really am 50/50 on this. I would love the additional meaning and closeness of sharing a last name with my husband especially considering our kids in the future, but I also have a hard time making such a permanent decision with giving up my maiden last name. I do not want to make it my middle name as I share a middle name with my grandmother and that means a lot to me. I also don't want to hyphenate and make it complicated. I know I want the best of both worlds but I just cannot decide. We are also planning on honeymooning to Europe next Spring in March or May so the passport name change is pushing me to make this decision sooner too. My husband is traditional where he would prefer us to share names but at the same time is super understanding if I decide to keep my last name.


His last name is Granko, for reference. So Delaney Bennett or Delaney Granko.. I am torn. I realize this is a silly problem to be stressing so much over, but the steps to change it are a pain in my rump but was told to do it now or it will be even harder to change it with the military in the future.


Any similar experiences from anyone, what decision did you make and are you happy with that decision? Any regrets?

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58 Comments

  • S
    Just Said Yes November 2023
    Sara ·
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    Yes!!! i get this 100% im activr duty as well and ive always been known as “Gonzo”🥺. Now ill be a hispanic female with the last name “Thompson”… maybe hyphenate it? idk. im stuck also.
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  • Emily
    Beginner August 2025
    Emily ·
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    I think it's a personal choice. I am on the fence about which name of mine to keep because I'd like to keep my middle name and my maiden name as well as take my future husband's last name. I think that if it's important to you that you show unity in your family unit you should change it. I know it's a lot of work but if that's the only thing keeping you on the fence I think you should do it! I understand the military may make it more difficult but it's a pretty big life event of course it's a lot of work! As for your new name, Delaney Granko, it sounds super cool! Almost like a movie star 👀.
    You'll probably still be on the fence but I hope this helps!
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I totally get it! I want to change my name but haven’t yet. I’ve been married since last October. I socially go by my husbands name. He’s always said I don’t have to change it at all. I still want to. Just not quite there yet on giving up my name! I don’t think you need to rush. If you want to, give it a year or two or ten! Whatever makes you comfortable
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    I am sorry, that’s hard! I changed it to my Husband’s name and did SS, DL, and sent out my passport today but I feel so sad and idk why. I feel I killed my old identity in a way. I am also still torn and have already started the process. I wonder if hyphenating is the way to go. Idk - I hope you are able to come to a decision that makes you happy and feel at peace.
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Rachel, I sent out SS, DL and now passport today and am excited yet sad for some reason. I did not include my maiden name in my new name at all as my middle name is from my grandmother and I felt sad if I exchanged that for my maiden name. Now I am thinking I should have done two middle names or hyphenated my maiden name. I am also hoping in time the official legal change with husband’s name will grow on me. I love him dearly, I just feel less “me” with the new name. Hoping that will change though.
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Jessica, I sent out SS, DL and now passport today and am excited yet sad for some reason. I did not include my maiden name in my new name at all as my middle name is from my grandmother and I felt sad if I exchanged that for my maiden name. Now I am thinking I should have done two middle names or hyphenated my maiden name. I am also hoping in time the official legal change with husband’s name will grow on me. I love him dearly, I just feel less “me” with the new name. Hoping that will change though. I agree though for kids it makes more sense to have same name and I want to share my kids names
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you LM, I sent out SS, DL and now passport today and am excited yet sad for some reason. I did not include my maiden name in my new name at all as my middle name is from my grandmother and I felt sad if I exchanged that for my maiden name. Now I am thinking I should have done two middle names or hyphenated my maiden name. I am also hoping in time the official legal change with husband’s name will grow on me. I love him dearly, I just feel less “me” with the new name. Hoping that will change though. I appreciate you sharing your perspective!
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Ellen, I completed SS, DL and now passport today and am excited yet sad for some reason. I did not include my maiden name in my new name at all as my middle name is from my grandmother and I felt sad if I exchanged that for my maiden name. Now I am thinking I should have done two middle names or hyphenated my maiden name. I am also hoping in time the official legal change with husband’s name will grow on me. I love him dearly, I just feel less “me” with the new name. Hoping that will change though.
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Emily, I sent out SS, DL and now passport today and am excited yet sad for some reason. I did not include my maiden name in my new name at all as my middle name is from my grandmother and I felt sad if I exchanged that for my maiden name. Now I am thinking I should have done two middle names or hyphenated my maiden name. I am also hoping in time the official legal change with husband’s name will grow on me. I love him dearly, I just feel less “me” with the new name. Hoping that will change though. Thank you for your support, advice, and kind comments about the name. I didn’t realize I was this attached to my maiden name! I am still excited for the new name, it just feels so different. I am hoping to feel more comfortable using it though. My husband and I agreed we will include my maiden name as either a first or middle name for one of our sons. I am hoping that will be enough for my past identity to feel fulfilled.
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Taylor, I am happy I am not alone in the not sure stage and that I am not alone in the changing it stage. I wish you all the best with your decision Smiley smile
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  • Ellen
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Ellen ·
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    I think your new last name will soon feel as if you have had it your entire life! And someday you may be able to use your maiden name for a child! When my last child was born (27 years ago!) I had decided that if a girl, she would be Carri, for my maiden name, Carrison. Well, Mack will be 28 in January! LOL

    You know what the great bard said about a rose by any other name!

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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2024
    Jessica ·
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    That’s exciting, Delaney! God has great plans for you and your husband.💜🙏
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  • Shemecia
    Just Said Yes March 2024
    Shemecia ·
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    I say if you introduced yourself to me as Delaney Granko, I wouldn’t say it doesn’t flow. To me, it does flow but that may be because I don’t know you personally. Same goes for your maiden name, Delaney Bennet. I believe you feel it flows better and others do too because that is all you’ve known yourself as thus far. It feels familiar maybe? Or maybe you just genuinely do like your last name better. Either name however, is a good choice in my opinion. If you’re early on in your career it’ll be pretty easy to revert those who know you as Bennet over to Granko or just let those individuals still address you as Bennet, if you decide to change your last name to your husbands last name. I am getting married in March and had this debate but ultimately chose to change my name because for him it’s important. It makes him feel as though we really are one, and because our children will have his last name as well it’s only fair that I share it too. I believe it’s a decision you and your partner should make together so I refuse to stir you in one way or the other. I just figured my unbiased opinion and personal experience on the matter would help you feel more comfortable and confident with either decision. I hope this helps!
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2023
    Melissa ·
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    Delaney Bennett Granko for the win! I think this solves all of your problems 😊
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  • Rosieposies
    Beginner June 2024
    Rosieposies ·
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    I'm going through the same pros and cons list, so I feel you!
    Try to weigh whether you really struggle with the change based on the hassle of it versus the sense of giving up your name. If it's more about how much work it'll be, but you love the idea of a new unified name and what it could represent, then change it, and maybe consider using your maiden name in your kids' names.

    I think it's hard to separate your name from something you're accomplishing or that is uniquely YOU. My art will probably always be under my maiden name (Albright) even if I change it legally because it's so personal and I've made a name for myself over 20+ years with it. My coaching practice is a little different. It's newer, and my fiancé was along for this accomplishment, so if I go by Coach DeRosa, I'm fine with it. I use a part of my maiden name in the business name anyway! (Bright)
    Could you envision this phase of becoming a doctor as something you could also mark with a new name? Maybe consider it a brand new starting point and version of you?
    Last ditch is to combine into a third new name that you decide together or that combines names. Grannett! Benko! 😄
    I've tried saying my married name out loud, and even writing it out to see how it feels. Sometimes it's jarring because it's a version of me I don't know yet, lol. It really is such a personal decision. Either way, I hope you get to reflect on it and land on what resonates most with you!


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  • T
    Tera ·
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    I opted to keep my last name and I have zero regrets. No administration nightmares, no jumping through hoops.
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Was this talked about when planning your wedding if you were going to take his name or not. And yes alot of men I know that they want their wife to have there last name or agree to use both names. My husband definitely said he wanted me to have his last name but I understand a flow about things like my maiden last name is Morris so both of my names works. Work my first name but I took his last name of course. Speak with him if for a professional stand point but you would like to be as 1. Sorry I hoped this helped you in some way. Congratulations to the newlyweds
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  • Sydney
    Dedicated October 2021
    Sydney ·
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    I am a PhD and did not change my name. Been married over 2 years. We hyphenated our babies name. When people write us cards it is either written to Kosobud, Glassman, Kosobud/Glassman, Kosobud-Glassman, or Glassman-Kosobud. It does not bother me what people write on cards. I really don’t care. But for my personal and professional career I am glad I didn’t change my name.
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