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Just Said Yes October 2022

To Invite...?

Allison, on April 4, 2022 at 12:41 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 5

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So sticky situation. I'm wondering if I should invite my grandmother to my wedding...

I have basically no relationship with my grandmother (father's mother). She moved to New Mexico shortly after my brother and I were born, the last time my family and I went to visit we were like six years old. The last time she came to visit had to be over ten years now, and she didn't even come to visit us - she came to visit her friend and then was like "oh you can take us out to dinner" but she didn't even talk to us the entire time. My mom sends her birthday cards and Christmas gifts, the last card my grandma sent me was for my high school graduation (again over ten years ago) she wanted to stop sending cards because it was too expensive - but can't pick up the phone and call us or even ask about us when she talks to my mom or dad...

I know she probably wouldn't come if I did invite her... I feel like I should extend the invite because she is my "grandmother" but at the same time my fiancé and I only want people there that we actively have talked to in the last few years and have a close relationship with (we are only having about 75 guests)

Any advice would be appreciated

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on April 5, 2022 at 7:53 PM

Super July 2022
Shannon · on April 4, 2022 at 2:14 PM
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You answered the question by the statement, “I have basically no relationship with my grandmother.”

We didn’t invite anyone that we haven’t talked to in the last several years. You should not invite anyone out of obligation or because they are related to you.
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Just Said Yes October 2022
Allison · on April 4, 2022 at 2:24 PM
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Thanks Shannon.
Its always hard with "family" especially immediate family. My family is telling me I should invite her to be nice. I figured would just send an announcement after the fact.
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Dedicated September 2022
S · on April 4, 2022 at 6:40 PM
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That's definitely a difficult situation - it sounds like she wouldn't come even if you invited her, so from that perspective I would recommend just inviting her out of courtesy. If sending letters was so expensive to her, then I doubt she'll make the effort to buy a ticket to attend your wedding but at least then you've done your part/the "polite" thing and all the accountability is placed on her - if she doesn't attend in the likely event, no one can say you didn't try.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on April 4, 2022 at 7:59 PM
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Never invite anyone out of obligation or courtesy to please others whom you don’t want in attendance. If you don’t have a relationship with someone and they won’t enhance the day by attending, don’t invite them. Don’t worry about what someone else will think or say. If parents want to host relatives, they can do so on their own time, as well as starting a tradition of a family reunion picnic at another time that everyone contributes to.
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