Sorry in advance for the long winded post, guys. I unfortunately suffer
from Libra Moon Brain. LOL If any of y'all are up to read it and share some thoughts or
advice it will really be appreciated.
My FH and I have always
been split over having a big wedding. We come from really different
familial backgrounds. He comes from a small upper middle class family
and I come from a low working class family with tons of siblings,
cousins, and kids. He was obsessed with the idea of having all of our
family and his lot of work friends there to support us on our wedding
day. I feel a bit differently for a few reasons though, the most
important being our budget, we are paying for everything ourselves. The
second is having to deal with my family drama aka who doesn't talk to
who, and everyone responding to inviations with questions like, "Well,
who all is going?". Third, I have always felt inferior around his family
and I am scared that my family and our wedding will not be up to par
with what his family expects from him. Lastly, over time I have not kept
as close with my family as they all are with each other so I fear that
they really won't be as excited about our wedding as we are.
We have been
engaged to be married for going on 5 years now (truthfully, in hind
sight we got engaged way before we were ready). Early on in our
engagement we had planned an intimate destination wedding ceremony in
Florida and a family cruise to follow but we ended up canceling and just
taking the vacation because it was apparent that my mom and others on
my side of the family were not going to make it out. We found out that
some of my relatives were saying that we were being 'too much' and that
we should just be getting married in the courthouse because it wasn't
that big of a deal. My feelings were hurt by this so I just stopped
planning my future wedding all together. After that we moved out on our
own and life sort of happen. We are much more stable financially, in our
carreers, and as a couple.
Over the Pandemic we had so many
convos about finally sealing the deal. We weighed the pros and cons of
elopements, microweddings, and big weddings. We finally aggeed to have a
romantic elopement in the desert because it best suites are vibe as the
couple we have become (basically hermit types lol). We have already booked a gorgeous airbnb and a
rad photographer. We are SO excited and looking forward to reciting our
vows to one another. However, I can't shake the feeling that later on
down the line he will regret not having his family there. I too myself
am a bit worried that we are going to feel like we missed out on
something. All of our parents are remarried so we would feel so weird
about a parent only ceremony considering our vendors have a 4 person
max. I brought up my anxiety to him and he suggested hosting a seperate
reception a few weeks after the elopement ceremony so all of our friends
and family could celebrate with us.
We have been looking into
venues for this and it would basically be another 13k+. If we do host a
party, most of his relatives will be flying out for the event, I am
concerned that the elders on his side of the family will feel cheated
out of a ceremony and potatially see the party as some gift grab. Have
any of you had a second wedding just for the sake of family? Will it be
weird to have a quick traditional ceremony for his family before the
party? Considering my strained relationship is it fair to him that we
just move on from the guilt and do this alone? We honestly could use
that extra money towards a really amazing honeymoon. Or maybe I should see the wedding as a way to reconnect with both our families?
We are really torn between keeping it between us and involving our family. HELP.
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