This question is mostly directed at those who have gotten engaged during the pandemic & plan on getting married in 2021, but any insights are of course welcome!
I'm torn on whether or not to send save the dates! I originally wanted to send them but my mother is really pushing back on that idea due to feeling like we would be "uninviting" people, & I do agree with that concern. If we sent them, it would probably be in late January.
A little context: We're getting married next September, and barring a total shut down that's what will happen. Our COVID back up plan is to get married (in a Catholic church) with a core group of family & friends (around 30 people, although it might depend on the rules at that time) & then postpone the larger party (~150 guests) to 2022 or 2023. We would likely invite the remaining guests to watch our wedding ceremony via livestream, but would not be doing a full ceremony over again for the vow renewal/party.
Pros to sending save the dates:
- It's a pandemic, & people need something to look forward to! Optimism that it might go as planned!
- We're hiring a local artist to design our invitations--adding save the dates would mean more money being put into a local artist & also would be nice to have coordinating wedding paper designs. (I would like to have her do both, if we have both.)
- Our wedding is on a Friday afternoon, so people may need more of a heads up than an invite 8 weeks prior (we have many teachers, hourly workers, & people who will be traveling on our guest list).
- Future clarity--It seems a bit easier to explain that "because of COVID, we're still getting married but not having a party until later, please watch this livestream." Then, an invite for just a party later on seems less weird to me.
Cons to sending save the dates:
- Awkward to "uninvite" people (even though they would still be invited to the livestream & future party). This is my mother's biggest concern, & I totally get it!
- Confusion over how to be clear on what's happening. I.e. this group of people is invited to an in person wedding, everyone else is invited to the livestream, but everyone got save the dates, & everyone is invited to a party later on.
- Costs more money--& potentially a lot more, if we then are sending change the dates & invitations for different events.
I think one of my biggest concerns with NOT sending save the dates is that it's implying the smaller group is the "real" guest list, because it seems like we're already anticipating on having just them for the wedding day & having a large party later on. However, that actual wedding day in-person group is a weird mix of people that any standard etiquette guide would frown on (wedding party but not significant others, godparents but not their spouses, elderly relatives, parents, siblings, & our readers). 150 is pretty much our minimum guest list given the size of both of our families, and a pandemic is really the only thing making us consider this smaller group at all!
