Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Samantha
Super August 2019

Too Late for a new Bridesmaid

Samantha, on June 11, 2019 at 6:12 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
Saved
Reply
Backstory. I have a friend who I’ve known for over ten years. I was engaged once before and asked her immediately to be a bridesmaid. Fast forward to now. When picking my ladies I wanted to pick her, but we’re keeping everything minimal and he only choose a Best Man so I decided to keep my girls to 2 and picked two girls for MOH and bridesmaid I’ve gotten a little closer to recently.

Currently. Having an issue with my MOH saying she isn’t sure she can come to the wedding AT ALL for a variety of reasons and hasn’t done any MOH duties since I told her back in Nov - not that I need anything but a text or call to see if I did would’ve been thoughtful. My seething frustration is that one of the two reasons she can’t potentially attend now is she has no money. I get it. What I don’t get are all the spur of the moment out of country trips she’s been taking, most recently to Cuba and now can’t afford to be at my wedding. I even offered to cover the Bach party and her hotel stay to help her out. It’s still too expensive for her. But she “might” be able to. My wedding is in 2 months!!!

Here is my dilemma. With my MOH hot and cold I’ve now been thinking about the friend that would’ve been a second bridesmaid and wonder if it’s too late to invite her to be a bridesmaid (obviously no obligations except for the night before and wedding day, she has kids and I don’t want her to stress over needing to take extra time off). I found a cute card that says : “This Time I’m Serious - Will You be My Bridesmaid” and to go with our camping theme probably something with s’mores that says there is s’mores love to go around, sorry for taking so long, etc.

thoughts?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Jolie, on June 11, 2019 at 2:56 PM
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don't think it would hurt to ask if you're really driven in that direction. I would just make sure she understands that if she says no, there will be no hard feelings. Was she already invited as a guest to your wedding?
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Honestly with only two months to go I’d say yes it’s too late. I understand wanting to include her, but as a mom, it would stress me out financially to participate in someone’s wedding on such short notice. I’d do it, because I wouldn’t want to say no, but it would still be added stress.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super August 2019
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah she and her husband have already RSVPd to the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super August 2019
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s my only concern, but I’m also not requiring bridesmaid dresses per se, they can get a nice summer dress and do their own HMU. I’d stress the only obligation would be the free overnight stay with me and the girls and getting ready in the am. And of course she can say no with no hurt feelings but I just feel like I really want to include her now, not even a last minute filler - but genuinely like I should’ve done this in the first place and had 3 in my BP.
    • Reply
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Well then I really don't see an issue, personally. It would be totally weird if you asked her to be a BM but had never invited her to the wedding. The worst she can say is no!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    While it does seem a little late I sympathize on your scenario with your MOH and one of my bridesmaid is doing the same thing. She's very uptight about money and it irks me that she tries to put the blame on everyone else or make people feel bad for her. I had to have a convo with her on Sunday that everyone has bills and to not freak out on other people and she apologized.. because she told my mom that costs were upsetting her when my mom reached out to ask for contribution for the bridal shower (only $25 mind you). I couldn't help but feel like, well yeah you have "four weddings" this year but you're only in one, mine. Her truck AC broke, yet she just needed to plan a trip to Spain THIS year. I thought to myself that's sooo unnecessary, Spain will be there next year. I would never do that if I had student loans and all these commitments, and she knew her AC was broken before she booked her trip. It's just weird dealing with people who have different mindsets about money even though they're technically better off than yourself.

    Anyways, I think that you should just ask her! With a simple summer dress, doing their own HMU I think it'd be fine! The worst she can say is no! I'm sorry you MOH is now being flaky.

    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I wouldn't do it. It sort of sounds like you're just wanting her to fill in, that's why.
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I think it's pretty late to be asking. For that reason, if you do ask her, I'd skip the card and invite her to lunch/coffee/whatever, and ask her in person (or call her, if getting together isn't possible). With the timing, it's pretty obvious she wasn't asked initially, so I think she deserves some honest, thoughtful conversation. Especially in a face-to-face conversation, it should also be easier for you to judge her reaction and/or talk through any potential concerns she may have. (I think there is the possibility of the "cute card" being taken as potentially kind of rude, given the timing. If she was hurt at all by not being asked initially (which you may or may not truly know), she might find the "now I'm serious" message disingenuous if she feels like you're only asking her as a "last minute replacement." If it were me, I'd probably respond better to a heartfelt conversation.) Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super August 2019
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I sent her a friendly text message (we’re on different time zones so a text meant not playing phone tag) she responded GREAT. She’s super excited and honored!!! I didn’t even get this positive of a reaction from my MOH, and I also feel more at ease like I should’ve just invited her in my bridal party in the first place, definitely need her by my side. Her feelings and my feelings are both beaming with joy. Couldn’t be happier and still sending an official proposal box I told her to look out for..as far as my MOH. I’m not upgrading anyone per se but I am going to give day of MOH duties to my new bridesmaid if my MOH doesn’t show up.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    That's awesome!! I am glad she said yes! Now you can feel more at ease she will be there to help you Smiley smile

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas
Wedding Party 37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas Bridesmaid proposal gifts are a fun way to recruit your crew, and we're sharing...
23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In Getting ready with your BFFs never looked so good.
23 Cute and Cozy Bridesmaid Sweatshirts for Your BFFs
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Cute and Cozy Bridesmaid Sweatshirts for Your BFFs From the bachelorette party to the morning of the wedding, these matching...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics