Tough Decision, i need help brides

View Quoted Comment If the dress is the same style and color as the other one, and if it has good reviews on Amazon, could you have all the bridesmaids get their dresses on Amazon? It seems like a win for everyone: the bridesmaids will all still have the same dress that you decided on (same style and everything), and it's cheaper for them. $40-$50 is a significant difference.

View Quoted Comment Obviously she changed her mind. Saying she’s trying to do what makes sense sounds like it’s a financial consideration even if she’s not directly telling you that. Again a destination wedding is already a tremendous ask. It would be rude, not to mention a probable friendship ending move to “fire” her.

View Quoted Comment Clearly right... but she's not like that. We held eachother down in the past. I don't think it's financial. Knowing how she is. She would say that.

Order one dress from Amazon to see if it's well-constructed. It could be a cheap knockoff (not unheard of on WW), and it will ultimately cost everyone more in alterations than the custom. But, you might as well weigh the options with facts.


It's possible your cousin got used to making wedding decisions because you let her, and now she's surprised you have an opinion. You let her do the heavy lifting and now you object? Is she typically domineering? I wonder if you've ever said no to her in the past but only doing so now because you want to be the bold Bride. Order 1 dress and see if you can save everyone some $ like a good friend.

View Quoted Comment So absolutely not. I am as vocal as she is. If you haven't noticed lol. Saying no has never been the issue. She had great ideas and i was more than welcome to them, but if it was a no for me it was a no. The dress is certainly a knock off. As many amazon dresses are. I asked her would you buy your kids jordans (sneakers) from Amazon. She won't typically shop on Amazon for clothes unless it's some quick put together. So why do my wedding like this. I am offended. Not for the wedding.... sorry

View Quoted Comment Hmm. Well with weddings, I will say not everything has to be new and top of the line. I reused my own heels and jewelry when I found nothing to my standards in stores. If the bridesmaids have good taste and they don't object to the look and feel of the Amazon dress, then maybe it's fine. It's on their bodies and they're paying for it after all. No one's really looking at them anyway. They looking at you and your partner... Maybe you can table it for now and give yourself a compassionate break from making wedding decisions. The result could be really friendship -ending.

View Quoted Comment I respect this comment more than anything. I agree with you. All the other girls refused to consider and feel she is being inconsiderate. Compassionate break it is..

I have no idea why you would need to order a dress now for an October wedding. I would refuse to buy a dress this far out. I have lost 50 pounds in the last 6 months and aim to lose another 50 in the next 9 months. Any dress would have to be severely altered, and I would never take the chance of ordering a dress too small if my goal isn't met.

It would be best to treat your bridal party with more respect and grace. They are your honored close family and friends. You don't "fire" bridal party members, being a bridesmaid isn't a job.

Is this a hill you want to die on? It is a dress, for a bridesmaid, when the event is about the bride and groom.

Also, if you remove her from your bridal party, that is a relationship-ending move. You are saying that your wedding is more important than a friendship/relationship, which is plain awful.

I had an issue with my cousin as a bridesmaid. She wasn't responding to any of the group messages and didn't come to any of the dress appointments, which was fine with me... until I realized my brother would be the one walking me down the isle (both my parents passed this year) I was going to have an extra bridesmaid who would have to walk down alone, I let her know that unfortunately she'd be the one walking alone and asked if she would be co.fortable with that. She replied I don't have to be a bridesmaid I'm just excited for the day! I feel bad still and don't know if it was the right thing to do but she also rsvpd to both my parents memorials and never showed. 😬 so I guess what I'm trying to say is go with your gut sooner then later.

View Quoted Comment If thats what you interpreted Sandy

View Quoted Comment Thank u MacKenzie for your truth. These "Brides" are so ignorantly attacking. As a bridesmaid in the past I have been nothing but supportive and would NEVER make their wedding about me in any way. I love my cousin but this isn't about her. She should either say what the problem is or not be a part. I have to live with it either way. I will be ok!!!

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It's anything but ignorant. Unfortunately, you lose the right to have everything be all about you as soon as you make the decision to invite guests, and certainly when you are imposing a destination affair on people. You keep saying you know for sure this BM would feel free to tell you if this was in any way about finances. But you've also make it clear you won't "allow anyone to make your wedding about them." It's not so surprising that she's hinting rather than confronting you more directly, even if that would not normally be true.

By saying this dress "makes more sense" I'm guessing she means considering all that she's already being asked to spend, whether or not she can literally afford the cost. It seems to me that what she's asking is an entirely reasonable accommodation. BTW, anyone I know of who has had a DW has either not had a formal wedding party at all, covered the cost of dresses, or allowed their friends to wear a dress of their own choosing.

"Firing" her would only be a poor reflection on you.

View Quoted Comment Why are u so angry lol tbh, you seem to care more than me. I know her well enough to know that if she can't do something she will say that so calm your granny panties. 2ndly. It's my wedding. My dream, my destination. It's ok if people don't or can't show up. I would never be upset. I'm ok with it you should be too.

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Who is angry? If it helps, feel free to read this in a very matter of fact tone of voice. In general, I do think DWs are too often an imposition and that it's disingenuous to say you don't care if people show or not. While you may honestly feel that way, again, it's not just about you. Loved ones and close friends will too often make unreasonable sacrifices in view of the fact that it's your only wedding. You can't just dismiss that reality as if it doesn't exist. The obligation to make considerate plans belongs to every host. Believe it or not, most people are only trying to help you avoid an unnecessary rift with a good friend.

View Quoted Comment Funny thing is you don't know what I am doing for my guest, your assuming in your matter of fact tone. Go somewhere angry lady. Your blood pressure must be up. You didn't ask. Thanks for making me laugh tho.

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My blood pressure is consistently low, but thanks for your concern LOL. Done.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Be well 😘

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Given what you just said about the style and price being similar I'm wondering if she is concerned about the dress not fitting when time gets closer whether that be bigger or smaller. As others suggested she may be thinking that the Amazon dress may be easier to exchange or return if it becomes an issue rather than a designer specifically fitting it to her. As a bride I understand what its like to have a perfect vision in your head for that day. I'm not sure what it is that is causing your bridesmaid to feel like the change is necessary but I do agree with others that it sounds like you need to have a sit down talk with her. For me personally I have a group chat with all my bridesmaids and I generally address things that effect all of them in that chat. You do have a long time before your wedding so there is plenty of time if the plans do change. I think at the end of the day you need to decide if keeping plans as they are is worth the relationship you have with your cousin. I know bridesmaids are supposed to be there to support us for our big day, but they are still people and their feelings aren't irrelevant. Prior to this she was putting a lot of effort into making your day special so there's got to be something deeper going on, and I think from what you've said its worth diving into before just cutting her out bc you can't take that back once it's done.

View Quoted Comment Nicely put Allissa. Which is my daughters name. We do have a group chat where she pushed all of her ideas. They all ultimately loved her ideas and agreed. She is the one who spoke on saying the price wasn't bad.. blah, blah, blah. Now a change. It's all BS. She got the money, she spends the money on whatever she chooses. Which is ok. I tried to talk. Her feelings does matter but to carry on like this yea it'd obviously more deeper than the dress. But if yall think, working 2 jobs, raising my family, taking care of home, going to school, planning my wedding and catering to everyone's feelings go together then guess again. I got priorities and catering to nonsense isn't one of them. I gave her and this too much energy already.

A lot of people have already said this, but sounds like you guys just need to sit down and have an honest conversation. I would say face to face, or at least a phone call. Just be honest and ask what barriers or worries does she have about the original dress? Then just sit and listen.

If she won't be honest with you, then say "I'm sorry, but it's really important to me to have my BMs wear this dress", and if she can't do that then ask her politely to step down as a bridesmaid and to celebrate your big day with you as a guest. The important thing to remember is that she is allowed to have her opinions, but so are you. But that doesn't mean this needs to break out in a fight or anything. You're both adults and if she is not willing to communicate what is wrong or try to offer some different compromise, then you're allowed to do what you think is best for your wedding. If you have to ask her to step down, just be respectful and considerate. If she causes problems/drama beyond that, that's on her. You can only control your behavior.

This is coming from someone who doesn't care what my wedding party is wearing. I'm just giving them a fabric swatch and saying "match this". But that's my choice for my wedding, and there are other things I drew hard lines on. You know what you want and what you are willing to compromise on. So long as you give an opportunity to your bridesmaids to honestly talk to you when an issue comes up (which it kinda sounds like you already have), then it's on them to communicate what they're comfortable with and then for you to decide what you're willing to compromise on.