Tough Decision, i need help brides

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your respectful non judgmental comments. It's ok to have an opinion but many of these Brides seems be focused on the wrong thing. Yes ultimately this is my wedding. She loves in Vegas, I live in NY. When we spoke last it didn't end well. I asked over and over before it escalated to this. I was giving her time to consider the things that I am not flexible on. This being one of them since we all came to this agreement based on her wonderful ideas. She know I would never do this to her. Also she knows if it was the money I wouldn't have any problem helping her. So honestly this sounds like something else. I'm not Oprah or Iyanla. I'm not trying to pick her brain at this point. I like to move forward with things and let it be

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No problem, and exactly. Just reiterate that to her and let her know that you care and understand where she is coming from. After that, if she can't be honest with you and find a compromise, then that's on her.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I've gotten recently was that you can only control your behavior, and don't try to guess what someone is thinking. You can only go off what they tell you, and if they are upset by that then they need to communicate what is wrong. Sounds a little harsh, but honestly, it has helped my life a lot. No more trying to read into what someone means by how they said something or text something. Trust yourself, lead with compassion, and beyond that there's not much you can do.

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One more thing. Not only is she your bridesmaid, but she's a cousin, so she's family. Is it really worth it to risk bad blood or a rift? It seems to me she's asking to save a bit of money by buying a less expensive dress in the same style and color, otherwise what would be the point? I don't see the big mystery in her motives here.

View Quoted Comment If what you're saying is right then why wouldn't she just say that. I certainly asked .

View Quoted Comment Exactly 💯. What gets me is everyone is saying I need to find out, investigate, blah blah blah... this is my wedsing that as you can see has become about her feelings. Now if others felt the same I would consider. But at this point. I'm not trying to hear anything else. This is not about her. As people keep mentioning this is my cousin don't risk our relationship. When she decided to carry on this way and make it about her, she risked our relationship. I am a registered nurse who takes care of everyone's needs everyday. For once I will have something ALL ABOUT ME. My special day isn't about our feelings if that ours isn't me and hubby.

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My guess? She thinks it's self evident and doesn't think she needs to explain or justify the request. Again, it's possible her budget is stretched thin by the fact that this is a DW, which is typically a much larger expense of time and money for guests than a domestic or local one would be. Or it may be about the principle and she thinks she deserves an accommodation when the ask is already over and above what it would cost a bridesmaid to be in a traditional wedding. She may think it's not reasonable to have it both ways.

Amazon won’t likely match the color of the rest of your bridesmaid dresses, so she may look misplaced or like a maid of honor. If she is the maid of honor, and it sounds like she’s assumed that role, then I’d let it go…. Online dress shopping is dangerous though. She may buy a nice dress that fits, but later leads to a wardrobe malfunction on the wedding day. If it’s a cost issue, I’d maybe offer to help pay for her dress before kicking her out.

View Quoted Comment She knows my daughter is my MOH. So nope that'd not it. I said a billion times I offered. What's left for me to do

View Quoted Comment This may help if you listen to the psychology of it, but you have to watch the whole thing: https://youtu.be/a7-eoiY4bOo?feature=shared

Hey,
I would stick to your cutoff date. If a specific dress, place, and price was already agreed upon that’s what is. Do not allow anyone to change how you want things on your day. I get it, there is nothing wrong with ordering from Amazon. But if everyone else goes here and she’s the only one to order from there you risk the chance of her dress being different in the slightest. 2 months is plenty of time for her to decide if she is going to go with your plan. Good luck and congratulations.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Deniqua for being one of the few who gets it. I'm over it. First the dress then what's next. Come on. Like don't be a part if you don't want to be a part. I wont love her any less.

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If you kick her out there may be hard feelings on her side though. It's a pretty public insult, dropping a wedding party member. How are you envisioning the relationship moving forward from that? If I were her I'd be pretty salty about it.

View Quoted Comment Lol I get that but ummm she hasn't spoken to me since we went back and forth about it. So if she doesn't care about our relationship, then should I ???? What we doin here. Again. If the shoe was on the other foot... I would never do this to her. I think she's being selfish and she needs to fall back. This ain't her battle to fight. Again... if it's too much for her. Gracefully bow out... I know I would, respectfully.

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Well your wedding isn't for another 10 months. I know people have pointed it out here but I'm not sure what the sense of urgency is. Clearly she has a reason for her feelings. I'm just not sure how it has to be carved in stone right now. In your need to get your way you may ending up ruining a family relationship.

View Quoted Comment If now she can’t afford it, then she should be honest and say that. Communication is huge. It doesn’t matter if your wedding is 1 month away, 10 months, or 2 years away. If someone is acting up now, they are going to be acting up about a something else later. I would just be mindful. I am someone who doesn’t care about hurting feelings if I’m being honest and respectful about it. You can please everyone but there are only 2 people who need to be pleased on your wedding day and she isn’t one of them. I hope you are getting some good advice. Don’t stress it lol. It will all work itself out.

View Quoted Comment Girl you get it. Reading these comments shows me who's who and what's what. I'm certainly with you on EVERYTHING, at first I felt a way. Now these people trying to put that strain on me as if I'm a terrible bride for having my own desires. Saying I'm selfish cuz it's destination(so don't go). Like gtfoh... they helped me to decide that her BEHAVIOR isn't welcome in my wedding. So thanks Deniqua

Welp its your day and if you do not approve and she does not want to respect what you r saying respectfully ask for her to be a guest- YOU dont need the drama and it is true - you find out alot about folks when its toke to get married. My matron - a friend since age 4 to age 44 was always supportive and a great friend until it was time for my big wedding- she dropped out on her own n then was still a guest. She started so much drama - lets just say u learn whose who when u get married- go w ya gut and have no regrets -sometimes ppl have issues w money and dont know how to address it - see if that is the issue b4 u go kicking her out- weddings are expensive and ppl dont like to be seen as the broke friend so sometimes they deflect w drama instead of saying they need help- Good Luck and congrats queen! it will def be perfect when u ween out the dramatic folks if any

View Quoted Comment Many times ppl dont wanna be seen as the broke friend or family member. They dont want to say they r having issues w money

View Quoted Comment Appreciate this... she is well aware of my "deadline" date. We spoke about it. No it didn't end well. So if I don't hear from her in a few days I'm moving on. Definitely not interested in drama. Sorry u went thru it.

View Quoted Comment Whatever your plans are stick w it- either they are in or out- if there is any issues - its called communication. yes weddings are expensive but when u say yes u sign up to spend - if u cant afford it - just back out! - i would say go silent til maybe February and revisit the dresses then to allow the holiday to pass. if they do not buy the dress - they will not be in it- make it simple and stress free. its super ez to get stressed as a bride.