Toxic family guest list

Set and maintain boundaries by cutting out the toxicity, period. Your mental health and well-being are much more important than being mediator for them. They aren’t going to behave on your wedding day and they won’t behave after you are married.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It does sound like a very small wedding with only the most support family and friends is the way to go. That can be at a courthouse or another venue, but no matter where it is, you can make it beautiful and meaningful. Remember that your wedding is for you, so even if you don't have many (or any) guests, it will still be an important day in your marriage.

Cut the toxic family and surround yourself with friends. SO and I got married June 2020 and decided that we didn’t want to spend our small guest allotment on sappy, emotional moms. We wanted to be happy and excited- so even though we love our mothers who are very supportive and had every right to be included in that moment, we told them stay at home and you can watch the video later. We had our best friends and it was a BLAST.
Moms got over it because they love us and actually only wanted us to be happy. They also now have pictures they can brag with.

While i am so down for cutting the toxicity, i know that sometimes that isnt an option due to familial obligation. My divorced parents have been shitting on each other seperately to me throughout my life and this wedding planning process but there is NO WAY i cant have them there. I think the most important thing to do is to talk with your families. remind them this day is about YOU and your spouse, not about whatever pettyness they have between themselves. The golden rule for this event will be "if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything at all"... they literally have to spend no time talking to each other to be there and support YOU. If your families really care about your happiness, they will put this drama aside for a couple of hours if you ask them to.