Y'all, I am at my wits' end here and I desperately need outside perspective. I know this is long and I apologize but this is complicated.
My mom (who I am SUPER close with) has these two sisters, O and Y. Their relationship has been rocky since they were children, but the past ten years have been just awful. O had some legal trouble and blamed my mom for not helping enough/not helping correctly. Their mother (who suffered from depression and paranoia that led her to be emotionally abusive to my mom and stepdad) lived with my mom for a time, and O and Y were both furious at my mom for eventually helping her to move out and start in assisted living with all three of them sharing expenses. From 2018 to now, the three of them have barely been on speaking terms. They've managed my aging grandparents' needs individually with minimal contact and it has been a painful and exhausting experience for everyone.
Flash forward to this week, when my grandmother dies (O and my mom were there with her). Y and O bully my mom into paying for more than half of death and funeral expenses while telling her that she didn't do anything for my grandmother for the past four years. They then plan the burial service without her. They told her initial not to bring anyone to the service, but she insisted that she wanted me there. They then said they wanted their children there, which of course we thought was only right. On the day of the service, after she and I showed up having been told not to bring her husband, my fiancé, or my sister (in school but could have come), they showed up with their husbands, their children, and their childrens' spouses/significant others. My mom and I had only each other during the service. To make matters worse (as if they could get worse), they didn't even let her do a reading or say a few words at the graveside. To say my mother was devastated and immeasurably hurt would be an understatement.
Now, flash to today, when I'm supposed to be ordering wedding invitations. I already know that I really don't want to invite O (I've seen her maybe twice in the past five years). I also don't want to invite her daughter, R (28), who has been nothing but unkind to me and my mother. However, I am inviting her other daughter, S (30), because I'm still close with her. Likewise, I really don't want to have Y either, but her son T (21) and daughter L (17) are in my bridal party.
SO, what the heck do I do?? Not invite any of them? Invite S and T and L but not O or Y or R? Invite them and Y because she's T and L's mom but not the others? Just say screw it, invite them all, and hide them in the back? It's like the world's worst logic puzzle and I have no idea what to do, which is why I'm asking strangers on the internet. I really value any and all advice y'all can give me. TIA.
