Tradition-less wedding

Whoa!!! First off you do not have 2 months to get over your miscarriage you have as much time as you need, I am sorry your wedding isn’t what you want so make it what you want you don’t need a bridal party of you don’t want one my advice take a week long break of no wedding planning when you feel better continue

I’m so sorry for your loss and you should take the time you need to heal. Have you explained to fh that’s the reason why not wanting all the additional bits? Just not in a great headspace? Maybe try sharing more of the why with him. Hopefully you can have a happy and enjoyable day, but grieve however you need.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I know you've shared your own experiences on WW, and I appreciate your advice.

Ouch. This is a really tough situation. To be honest, I would probably consider postponing. I know you said you can’t imagine wanting to “do this all over again“, but you really won’t have to do anything over - you would just be picking up where you left off. You are obviously incredibly traumatized from the events that have happened, and it sounds as though you are experiencing depression (rightly so!). The way you are making your wedding sound is like torture you are going to have to endure- and that definitely should not be how you feel about your wedding! Plus, a wedding is about two people- your fiancé deserves to enjoy this day as well. And I highly doubt he is going to enjoy the day if you are taking away all the things he was looking forward to about it, and he has to look at his bride miserable, or “blitzed on tranquilizers and booze” (which, by the way, officiants are not even supposed to marry you if you are under the influence). It’s really not fair to your FH. I would definitely postpone and allow yourself the time you need to heal. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there is going to be a time when you are excited about your wedding again. And you don’t want to look back and regret ruining this once in a lifetime experience (for you or your husband!). Postpone the event. Give yourself ample time to not even think about the wedding or planning, and maybe even join a support group or seek therapy to help you work your way through this difficult time.
Absolute worst case scenario, I would forfeit the money and just elope. I would rather forfeit 45K and elope, than spend 45K to be forced to be miserable (and force my spouse to be miserable) on display at a big event.

Sorry to hear. You need time to heal and your wedding shouldn't feel like an obligation. or something to get over with. Your wedding should be a happy day between your FH and yourself so when you look back it's one of the happiest days for you. Best to postpone to give yourself time to heal.

Many couples skip those traditions/trends and no one misses them. You will have a great day just spending time with guests.


Take all the time you need to grieve. Talk to your vendors about postponing if you need to.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree that many couples skip these items, and still have fantastic weddings! I think the concerning part is that her fiancé WANTS these things. And together they had planned to have them. Now, due to emotional turmoil, these things are being cancelled, and the fiancé’s opinions/feelings are not even being considered. A wedding is about 2 people and should reflect both of them. I agree with the suggestion to postpone until healing has happened. And, at that point, compromises should be made so that both people are happy with their wedding celebration.

View Quoted Comment Yes I agree they both need to be on the same page without pressure from one person or the other. Wedding planning is about communicating and compromise so that both are happy. And practice for the marriage ahead. Postpone if they can but find something that they both agree on

Sorry to hear about your loss. As a woman who has experienced a loss multiple times I just want you to know that it’s ok to be angry and sad. There’s no time limit for grief. It took me a year and a half before I was able to cope with my last loss. Take a step back and visit a support group. Baby center is really good for an online one.
As far as the wedding I would postpone. You don’t want to look back on what’s supposed to be the happiest time of your life and regret anything. Also mixing drugs and alcohol is dangerous.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree! It feels like the OP is beyond overwhelmed and likely suffering from depression. Hopefully her and her fiancé will be able to postpone the wedding, work through the trauma together, then be able to enjoy the wedding of both their dreams.

My heart goes out to you. You’re grieving, of course you are feeling sad.
If all this is really important to him…can he just completely take over, not expect anything from you other than to show up in your dress/outfit and get married. And also, he can run interference for you so that you aren’t having to be “on” all the time?
I wish right now you were being covered in love, support and understanding and not have to think for one minute about what you “should” do, and instead just feel your grief and be nurtured. Please take care.

I am so so sorry for your loss, OP. My only advice is to talk your fiance, who loves you and who is grieving loss too, of course in a different way. Figure out TOGETHER how you can BOTH be happy on the day you unite as one--whatever that looks like, and however much money you spend.

I am so sorry for your loss. If you feel that having a wedding in two months seems like torture but you might get excited about it if given more time to grieve, I would definitely consider postponing.

You can do as many, or as few, traditions as you want. We did a first dance and cake cutting, but entered our reception simply, did not do parent dances (we wanted to, our parents did not), did not have a garter, did not throw my bouquet, and did not do any sort of exit. The best man was the only one who gave a toast or speech of any kind. Perhaps sit down with your fiance, go over a list of wedding traditions, and then pick which ones you two want to do. For us, having a couple traditions helped the reception flow a bit, but we kept it quite minimal and I think it was more fun for everyone that way.

It's also fine to take a step back and let your fiance and planner take over. You will need to relinquish a bit of control in order to do so, but if you can find a way to just "go with the flow" it might be far less stressful for you than trying to get every detail perfect.

Sorry the past few months have been so stressful for you. I hope your wedding day brings you peace and joy, feels like a much needed celebration, and that you feel surrounded by love.

Sorry for your loss, Ive had MCs before and they are always so hard to deal with. I agree with pp, maybe you need to postpone and take time to grieve and heal. Both of you need to be on the same page and seems like your FH wont be happy cutting out all these wedding traditions. Also I understand you are going through alot now but do you think there maybe be a slight chance you will regret not having the wedding both of you originally wanted? (Im assuming the MC made you want to cut the wedding short, or was that your original plan before it happened). Regardless, both of you need it to be a wonderful day you will both enjoy. I would also hate for your FH to be spiteful afterwards because he felt his wedding day sucked.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, I appreciate your reply.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you. I do believe you're right about the depression and have sought out a grief counselor.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, I have looked up baby center and requested to be part of the over 35 group. Take care and I appreciate you sharing your experiences.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, I forget each couple sets their own schedule.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, I appreciate your support.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you. Grief comes in many forms. I have talked to my fiance about his grief, and how we can process this together.