*just venting**
My fiance is upset with me because I just want to show up at my wedding. I don't want attendants, a big entrance, parent dances, a cake, bouquet/garter tosses, or speeches. I really just want to have a marriage ceremony, eat/dance with our guests to our 10-piece band, and go home. Mind you, I've been spending hours doing the majority of wedding planning and budgeting, and I've petered out. My sadness is palpable. I have less than 2 months to get over my recent miscarriage for some stupid, public show. I dropped the videographer because I don't want any evidence of me hiding my misery. I don't want people looking or talking to me-- many already know my private business.
I never wanted a big wedding in the first place, and now we're 43k in so far that canceling is obscene. Postponing seems to be out of the question because I'd never do this all over again. And we got a partial-wedding planner when he was supposed to take over when I first got pregnant. But, no matter how hard I train him in planning and calendars, I do all the work because 1) I can do spreadsheets all day, and 2) design gives me a pretty distraction. Now that we are planning the day-of scheduling details, I've shut down. I told him last night I will only proceed if he and the planner finish everything else, make it generic, and I will arrive blitzed on tranquilizers and booze. I'm used to cookie cutter galas.
