Trans Non-binary and the Gendered Language of Weddings

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Gender is social construct enabled by the patriarchy so that men can stay in power; as most classical references to gender is not male or female but masculine VS feminine! And societies ideas about femininity are inherently negative and used to keep women "in their place". Gender is an evolving thing, jsut like humans and the fact that genetic mutations such as the ones the PWG did happen is that the archaic idea of there being only two genders are in fact a construct to keep white men in power!! People who identify as non binary, or trans or any of the many things they might feel are not inherently wrong in not identifying as "male or female" as your statement suggests!

View Quoted Comment Yeah so this is still transphobia. You just invalidated the identities and existence of millions of nonbinary and genderqueer people throughout history. This is not an new concept either, google “two spirit” and “Hijra”

your only argument for your case is a higher being, which is preeeeettt weak and lacks any kind of actual critical thought. You cannot use religion to invalidate someone’s existence. I, on the other hand, have a PhD in psychology with a minor in women’s and gender studies and I currently work at an LGBTQ org. Rarely am I able to say This with such confidence, but I am right about this and you are wrong.

View Quoted Comment As I said in my last statement I wasnt trying to argue or hurt anyone feelings simply trying to help. I started several times that I was confused on the subject as I'm Not experienced in it. I have zero problems with how someone identifies themselves. Everyone deserves to be happy.

View Quoted Comment You hurt peoples feelings when you claim they do not exist because god did not create them.

You keep saying that you were just trying to help the OP. But do you really think OP would be marrying someone nonbinary and come here to ask “help! What are they? A man or a woman?” That’s absurd. You are not helping when you continue to repeat with such certainty “there are only two genders” after multiple have told you that’s not true. I’m not trying to argue, I’m trying educate, and I don’t even need you to respond, I just want to make sure there’s a reposnse to your false statements for everyone else to read.

Just take the L here dude.

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I mean - When I have no experience in a subject or working knowledge of it I try not to comment so as not to offend anyone. But thats just me. I think by immediately assuming people needed to be mansplained to about gender constructs is something that I might have avoided if I had zero knowledge of the subject.

Also reading through the previous comments would have been helpful to give you a clearer understanding of what was being inquired to.

OP, I hope you come back and read the amazing suggestions done by PWG and ignore all the ignorance being spewed by some users. WW has always strived to be very inclusive and supportive (several users remind posters all the time of this!) and I hope you have found something that works for your and your FS (future spouse. I know you're not a fan of that word, but as far as acronyms on WW go that's where we're at 😬).

Hi all,

Thank you so much to the great suggestions listed here. My Fiance and I are blown away by the amount of creative support from the page.

For anyone who is unfamiliar with the identity Trans Non-Binary, perhaps do some research before commenting on threads that you don't understand. There are so many wonderful resources available on the internet.

For anyone who disagrees with gender diversity, then maybe this isn't the thread for you.

View Quoted Comment 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

View Quoted Comment Okay let me lay some things out for you.
1. Gender is an entire spectrum and does not need to be “scientifically proven”
2. Your original comment on here was SUPER transphobic, you didn’t “just try to offer advice”
3. Even if this isn’t PWGs thread she’s allowed to take offense (because what you said was transphobic
4. You’re complaining about “being attacked for being different” yet you continue to make transphobic remarks
5. It’s not about “being right or wrong” it’s about not being transphobic
6. You said “I have no problem with how someone identifies” then the NEXT sentence you say “prove to me how there are more than 2 genders” so clearly you do have a problem with how people identify
7. You make more transphobic remarks
8. “You either have female or male reproductive parts” you’re actually wrong, look up intersex it’s the I in LGBTQIA
9. You claim you haven’t “talked down” to anyone on this post BUT making transphobic remarks is talking down to people
10. “I thought the LGBTQ” community was about accepting people”, it is and we’re defending OP and their SO because you are being phobic
11. “Don’t think you have the right to be ugly towards someone because they’re different” how about you take you’re own advice and stop being transphobic?
12. Non binary and trans folx have been around FOREVER. You’ll find plenty of evidence especially in Ancient Africa, Asia, Egypt, Uganda and of course through tons of Indigenous culture.
-Kaylyn

Aw man, Sophia's last tirade got taken down while I was writing a response, but I'm posting it anyway because there are probably other people reading that need to hear it too:

“take the l” means take the loss.

You continue to use the word gender when you mean sex. Sex is biological and like I laid out in my first post, there are not two- there are male, female, and intersex. Gender is different from sex and is a social construct, which you cannot provide scientific evidence to support. However, you can find tons of social science research to support that. I already mentioned evidence of a third gender in ancient times, including Two Spirit people and Hijra people. Again, you make an erroneous statement that is easily proved wrong when you say “there was no such thing as transgender people in the past.”

Not everyone who is straight is wrong. Some of my best friends are straight. I don’t have a problem with you because you are straight or cis. I actually made zero reference anywhere to your sexual orientation, so I don’t know where you’re pulling that from. I have a problem with you coming in and declaring that there are two genders, because there aren’t. I tried to explain it in the beginning, but you continued to argue your false claim. I continued to try to explain to you why you are wrong. This is not a matter of opinion. It is a matter of real identities. Thinking that someone’s existence and identity (as a nonbinary person) are wrong and nonexistence is not an opinion. Saying, “I don’t like chocolate milk” is an opinion. Saying “nonbinary people don’t exist because god and I said so” is not an opinion. Opinions don’t matter when we’re talking about the systematic oppression and discrimination of minoritized identities. The LGBTQ community does not accept everyone if those people consistently argue that some of our identities are wrong. We are strong and have only gotten to where we are because we’ve been out there fighting ignorance and misconceptions. If you want to claim that you were just confused, then you should have read what I explained and tried to learn instead of doubling down on your outdated notions that there are only 2 genders.

Am joining the discussion late, forgive me for my tardiness to the party.

I am a gay transmale who is looking forward towards marrying the person of my dreams.

To the OP:

It's hokey, but my partner and I often use the term "My Love" as a replacement for spouse, husband etc... It's sweet, romantic and is non gender specific in any way. Yet the term "My Love" indisputably describes the beautiful relationship that we share.

To the rest of the posters on this thread who are actively trying to educate those who offered transphobic "advise":

Thank you.

A million times, thank you.

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I love this so much!

This thread popped up after a few months and I just wanted to share. My tattoo artist is queer (self-labeled) and she refers to her SO as her partner. She for the most part always uses this language, and will ask me questions like "When is your partner moving up here" or "How did you and your partner meet" and at first it was a little odd for me but after a few times I started to see that it really is a beautiful word that denotes equality of relationship and, obviously, partnership. There is something so beautifully neutral but poignant about the word "partner" and if people wouldn't look at me like I had two heads I'd definitely prefer to use it over "fiance" which for some reason sounds off-putting to me when I say it.

I really like to-be-weds which translates into newly-weds!

Also words like beloved, betrothed, intended, sweethearts etc are really sweet.

I really like the term partner because to me it's like being part of a pair? Like you two were made for each other type deal. You are partners because you match, and fit together perfectly.

I've also heard that sometimes one partner refers to themselves as the "broom" as a combination of bride and groom, so there's that too.

For the reception you could be referred to as the newly-weds or the couple. Or even just x name and y name. As in "the newly-weds will now make their way to the dance floor".

Best of luck on your special day, and congratulations! Just do what feels right for the two of you xxx

Hi! I'm very late to the party, but thought my personal experience might help out! I'm afab nb and also a potterhead. We aren't having an hp themed wedding or anything, just a sprinkling of some hp stuff here and there. So, in the spirit of being into hp and non-binary I will be the Broom to my beautiful Bride and my Broom's Cake will be shaped as an actual broom from HP. Up until our wedding we are calling ourselves nearly-weds instead of the more traditional fiance stuff. And afterwards we are thinking about Spouse or Partner for me and Wife for her.

View Quoted Comment This! I believe this is what they’re looking for and so am I. I can’t think of or find anything I like that sounds “right” to me. But the search continues! Thank you for your post.