Okay, so I have a planning issue, even though I haven't even started yet.
So my backstory - which is relevant to my issue - is that in my mid-20s, my doctor informed me that I may have an issue conceiving, and that I will have a better chance trying sooner rather than later. My partner who has ALWAYS really wanted kids said that he wanted to try just in case. I wasn't ready, financially or emotionally as I was just starting my career and still considered myself young (and also not yet married) But I compromised, as I knew how important kids were to him and knew we could always get married later. So we decided when our kids were old enough I didn't have to "hold their hands" (so I could enjoy the ceremony) that we would get married. Well young kids, saving money and covid has brought us to 8 years later, and are now starting to plan our "big day".
Before I got pregnant, my friends were like a family to me. Once having my first kid, none of my other friends had started, so I lost touch with them a lot. I still talk to a few of them, but I don't feel comfortable enough to ask them to be part of my bridal party because it's been 8 years and I don't talk to them/see them more than a handful of times per year. The past few years, that has always bothered me, my partner wants a big "banquet-style wedding", and he still goes out with his friends regularly, so I'm going to be standing by myself - in front of 150-200 people - which I feel is embarrassing. I also don't have 6 months to plan a wedding - I have young kids, and sometimes don't find time to do the laundry. My partner also wants his wedding to "not look cheap", which I get, but where I live, will probably cost for the amount of guests 40k +. While we technically could pay that money, I feel it's a huge waste of hard-earned money, when we have other expenses that could go to (he thinks the wedding gifts will cover the cost).
I wouldn't mind a mid-sized wedding (under 100 guests), but after doing the cousins numbers on both sides (with all their spouses etc), the number is already at 110. I would like some of my and his cousins there, but in our situation, it's an invite one, you must invite the rest. So I came up with a solution. Only our siblings, parents and close friends. That is about 35 people. My partner says he doesn't want a wedding that "isn't proper" and refuses. I don't want the big wedding for all the reasons I listed already. I'm also mid-thirties now (he's 8 years older than me) and while I get doing that "banquet-style" when I was younger, I just can't see it for me any longer. Too much time, money and too embarrassing (I also hate being the center of attention). So what on earth are my options here?? I want to get married because my family and his keeps harping on us, and even my kid keeps saying "you guys aren't even married" to me now. I feel the marriage is necessary, but don't want or need an elaborate show. Please help!
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