Trouble in paradise

Who is paying for the wedding? If his mom is, then you should let her invite pretty much whoever she wants (within reason). If you are paying yourself, I think you can set boundaries and enforce them on who can be invited. I think you will be fine if your capacity is 400 and you invite 300. However, ask your venue how that changes your floor plan. For example, ours after 490, doesn’t allow a dance floor.


That may help limit people?

View Quoted Comment So me and my fiancé are paying for the wedding but she’s thinking that she can invite everyone and she’s saying that’s it’s okay if people show up and they didn’t RSVP even though we are paying by head

First things first, sit your FH down and tell him that he is being disrespectful of your wishes by going over the guest limit you want. THEN tell him that he needs to communicate with HIS MOTHER that she cannot go over the number of invites you guys gave her! That is COMPLETE disrespect!

View Quoted Comment Thanks I thought I was over reacting when I talked to him about this but he doesn’t seem to listen cause when he talks to his mom she tells him otherwise

View Quoted Comment

Tell him this:

"I understand that you and your mother are close. However, when you and I agree on something and then she tells you otherwise and you agree with her it really hurts me because we're supposed to be a team now and decide on things together as a new family. I don't want to constantly be putting you between me and your mother, so when we make decisions then those are the decisions that are going to be put into reality. You and I are starting our own family together and that means that your mother needs to learn that you will back me up when I make a decision and that her opinion comes after mine."

View Quoted Comment Thanks that is literally what I been thinking o just didn’t know how to put it in words

View Quoted Comment My only concern about approaching things this was is he could say she is disrespecting his wishes. It's his wedding too. To me 300 people is way too much but I will say that you should talk to him and deaf let him know that he's allowing his mother to invite way too many people more than you two agreed on and yes, that piece is disrespectful. I think you two need to sit down and just have a serious conversation where you can meet in the middle and regards to the guest list. Definitely let him know how you feel about having more than 200 people and let him know that the way that your future mother-in-law is handling thing is in exactly the best. My question for you would be do you guys even have the budget for 400 people? I think sometimes people feel that it's okay to invite tons of people, but then they don't often realize. How much it cost per head.

View Quoted Comment We have the budget for 400 people but he’s not thinking about the future after we get married money wise which is why we agreed on 300 people but he just doesn’t know how to say no to his mom and me and his mom butt heads all the time to the point where we don’t talk to eachother for long amount of times and it takes a toll on my and my fiancé’s relationship

View Quoted Comment That's a very hard situation. But at some point he's a grown man, and he needs to stand up to his mother. I agree that everyone should have a beautiful wedding day, but it's great that you are thinking about the future. I know that you are in a situation that you don't want to damage the relationship between them. But I really think you should sit down with him and talk to him and just say we agreed on three hundred people and your mother is inviting more. And I don't mean any disrespect to her. But really she should not even be involved in making the guest list. Maybe there could be understanding that he can tell her that we want to keep it at 300 people and any more people she invites above that. She has to cover their meal and contribute to wear to the wedding. Or since you both have budgeted for 400 people may be a happy medium between you two can be 350. He just needs to communicate with his mom that we are definitely not doing more than 350 people and that if she plans to invite more than that from his side of the family then. You would kindly ask her to help her tribute to work the wedding.

View Quoted Comment This is beautifully said. 👏

View Quoted Comment Thanks for that was worded perfectly but it’s also taking a toll on my parents cause they keep saying that’s to much people and they think it’s a mistake that we getting married if we can’t come up with a solution so I’m just stuck in the middle

Since they aren’t paying, they don’t get a say and it’s really unfair to ask you to host THEIR guests. You should sit down with your FS and say that it’s not cool that you had an agreement and he reneged and you’re not okay with being steamrolled by FS’s parents. Then tell FS they need to lay down the law with their parents and stick with what you BOTH agree to. If FS has a problem with what you want, then they need to communicate that to you first, not just go ahead and do what they want regardless of what you’ve decided on as a team. I would be really hurt if my partner behaved like that.

View Quoted Comment I am sorry. I hope talking to him helps Plus, I don't know what kind of reception you to plan on having but have you factored in any gratuity or service charges? I know some Brides after they put down money for their venue and they saw the taxes. They didn't factor that in.

View Quoted Comment

Your FH needs to sit her down and tell her that this is absolutely NOT ok. Every person who comes costs a certain amount of money. I'm sure you and FH do not have an unlimited budget, so you'll need to cap it somewhere. Oh, and it's not ok for people to show up who didn't RSVP. First of all, it's extremely rude. Second, it will cost you a lot of extra money if that happens, and you don't want that kind of unexpected thing to happen on your wedding day.

If FMIL isn't paying for anything, she gets NO say in anything, especially the guest list.

If you want to be nice, tell FMIL she can have a certain number of people to invite (for example: 50). She can either invite that number and not complain, or you can tell her she can't invite anyone See which she chooses.

So, I would first sit down with FH and explain to him that the way he's given her free reign just isn't going to work. Explain about the cost, until he understands. Then make sure he understands that he needs to speak to his mother, and back her off. You two should decide ahead of time how many invites you're going to give her, and make sure you stick to that amount, and don't cave into guilt or tantrums.

Good luck. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.