Trouble with groomsmen

YOU have groomsmen? Doesn't your GROOM have groomsmen?

My wedding is in 4 months and I haven't even picked out the grooms/groomsmen suits yet! Hahhaah chill honey, plenty of time .

Seriously wtf

Troll???

All I can say to this post is: no. Im honestly amazed by the way some people act

Wow just wow. I seriously was looking for help but alot of responses were so disrespectful and mean. I have reasons to feel the way I do... u all say it's my FH job to deal with the groomsmen... n yes I agree however that's not how Patrick feels. He says his only job is to show up. So the wedding all falls onto my shoulders. So that's y I am handling the groomsmen. 2. Y do I want to replace them.... well let's see I've never even met 2 of them. I've talked to them here and there on fb but that's it. One of them is a lunatic who is mentally unstable. His wife asked for a divorce and he shot himself. He lived, had his face kind of put back together and is in councling... but he has had some more recent outbreaks ... like last month the cops were at his place. So I view him unsafe and I am worried the wedding will make him freak out. So yes I wanted to talk to him and get a feel of more if he was stable or not. The other guy I know has financial troubles. I wasn't judging. We given him money before. And even tho he says he is gonna be here I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is gonna back out last minute. The third one is fine and I really don't have any problems with him. I know him the best. But out of all of this I really didn't consider it being rude or upsetting his family. I should of but didn't. Patrick had a rough childhood and hates most of his family so his family feelings never crossed my mind. I guess I should just relax and worry about their suits later on... but some helpful advice and words of encouragement would of been nice.. instead of ppl not knowing the whole story and flipping out on me. Thanks to the people who actually tried to help

Kristen? You got help.

This is not your job, and if your FH thinks it is and says his 'only job is to show up?" And the wedding is 'falling on your shoulders"?

I'd be rethinking the whole thing. Because chances are this won't be the only time he thinks that. You're supposed to be cooperating with each other, ideally, enthusiastically. Not just for the wedding, but for life.

Tell your FH to get off his arse and deal with his side of the wedding party. No he doesn't just "show up". Your marriage is a partnership. WTAF! You have nothing to do with or any say in his groomsmen. They are his nearest and dearest. Suck it up buttercup.

My FH is in charge of everything groomsmen related. I have never even met a couple of them so I wouldny dream of telling them what to do. Just have your FH give them the details. A lot of guys dont do anything till the last min and turns out fine

If your FH is refusing to manage the situation with HIS groomsmen, your problem is with your FH not his groomsmen. Again, you cannot decide who he chooses as Groomsmen. Also, way to shame someone with a mental illness. You sound lovely.

You need to talk to your FH then. It is not just your wedding, and you should be working on it together. He is the one that needs to talk with the groomsmen. You also have no business kicking one of HIS groomsmen out. They are HIS nearest and dearest not yours. It's rude to kick them out anyway, but if someone did it that person shouldn't be you. Also, calling someone a lunatic for having a horrible mental illness? That is seriously disgusting. Maybe instead of trying to kick him out of the wedding party you all should try to be there for him and help him out. If he's "unstable" then find a way to help him for his own sake, not for the wedding. Lastly, if someone is having trouble with money that is for them to decide. Not you.

Girl please my wedding is in like 3 months and none of my groomsmen even know what color they're wearing. Focus on other shit. These are the men you FH chose to stand with him so no you can't replace them.

I haven't spoken to (or met for that matter-different state) the groomsmen my FH has chosen. But, they are his best friends and I would never think about replacing them. That being said, I also don't talk to them about anything. FH handles his guys and will make sure things are done when they're supposed to.

If I were you, I'd take a step back, relax, and talk to your FH. If you want things done sooner, tell your FH that so can let them know. This should not be a stress on you. Let him handle it. It'll be fine :-)

Kristen - if your FH is saying that him communicating with his GM is not his job, then my advice is to let him know that you asked some other brides and grooms on a wedding planning site for advice on how to get through to your GM, and they said the GM will be more likely to listen to the groom (their friend/relative) than the bride because the groom is the one that has an established relationship with them.

My FH has handled all of the communication with his GM. I have only reinforced the communication with one of his GM, because he happens to be my little brother and it seemed appropriate for me to answer his questions since he's my freaking brother. FH asked a friend of his from when he lived in Oklahoma before he met me in Arizona to be a GM. I've never met the guy. FH has also never met my two best friends from college who live on the other side of the country. He's never met half my BP, and one of those dear friends is my MOH. We don't care, and are just looking forward to being able to finally meet these special friends in each other's lives.

I like natural consequences. If your FH wint take care of his responsibilities in this matter, then I guess he just won't have any groomsmen. Tell him when they need outfits picked out and ordered and let him deal with the rest. You are teaching your FH that when he lazily dumps his responsibilities on you, you will do the work. This is a bad lesson to learn and it could make your marriage pretty intolerable. Don't play the game. Give him his responsibilities back and do not waste another ounce of energy thinking about it. If you think this is shitty behavior on his part (it is) go to couples counseling.

I cannot even believe that. He just has to show up? They are his friends who are there to stand beside him. This wedding, just like marriage, is a joint venture. He better get off his ass and start helping. If the plans aren't working for you two as they are, scrap them and have no bridal party.

I think you should tell Patrick to get off his rear end and help with his wedding if he wants to get married.