Ugh, help

I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like she is racing to get married and like she almost views this as a competition. I wouldn't agree to wear a dress she is supposed to be wearing in your wedding. I would also be upfront with her and kindly tell her how you feel about her picking tbe same color scheme as you as it definitely sounds intentional.

Hmm I don't see an issue with her plans. Some people want to do stuff now instead of dragging it out. I didn't read anything that sounded like spite or a competition.

I do think it's a little odd to wear clothing that was specially fitted for another person and I would not do that. But while you might have the same vendors, your weddings will be completely different.

Just be honest with her if she's your best friend.

I do think the dress thing is a little odd. She might truly just be trying to be thrifty, but maybe tell her that you want to make sure the dress is fresh and clean for your wedding, and that you don’t want to run the risk of staining or ripping it beforehand. If she schedules her wedding on the same day as your shower, that’s probably the only part I would find hurtful as I assume that puts many guests in a tough position to choose. But stuff like colors, photography...all can be executed differently so don’t get too hung up on that if her choices truly are coincidental and not malicious.

Totally agree with Vero!

Are you dramatic? Nope, your feelings are valid , I would feel robbed,confused too.

Plus: I love the fact you're still nice to her! Over 95% women throw some huge tantrums pretty quickly when they feel bummed and robbed that way (no offense, ladies!

😃).

I get how you feel, but I think most of this is not a big deal and you're just having bride feelings. Using the same photographer and colors on her day won't at all take away from your day. Feel your feelings but then box them up and move on.


I do think her choice of date is odd. Did you ask her how she came to it?

I wouldn't want to take off a week though. Like you said, you're taking time off for your wedding. Even if you werent, asking someone to take a week of for your wedding isn't reasonable. I would refuse this one.

Your feelings are definitely valid, but I also feel like these are just bride feelings like Elizabeth mentioned! I'm sure her using the same/similar color palette and photographer won't take away from your big day, or the uniqueness of it.

I agree with others that her choice of date is pretty odd, and it feels like she's rushing her wedding. Have you talked to her or asked why this is? Is there a reason they want to rush into getting married and not have a longer engagement? I also thing wearing her bridesmaids dress for your wedding to hers is a little odd as well, but maybe she's just trying to save you some money?

The extended bachelorette party is also a no for me. I wouldn't want to take that much time off for someone else's wedding before I have my wedding. Especially since that involves talking to your employer. It isn't guaranteed they'll give you that time off, or be happy that you're asking for that much time off in a small span of time. I would def. decline the bachelorette party invite, unless the time span changes.

As far as colors and anything similar to your wedding. I wouldn't take it to heart. There are thousands of weddings happening every year, so the chances that your wedding is 100% unique is slim, so don't worry too much about it! I would be very upset about her scheduling it the same day as your shower though. That's pretty rude in my book, especially if she already knew the date to begin with.

Yikes. I am not even sure how I would feel in this situation. I do know that if I was in this situation I would refuse to wear her BM gown for you wedding (what if something gets spilled on it or it rips?) and I would not have the host of my bridal shower reschedule just to fit her plans. I am assuming she knows the date of your bridal shower because she is invited? She honestly seems quite rude and a little selfish.

All of that being said... everyone has the right to plan their wedding when and how they want. I would try not to stress about it. Do what you can as her MOH and if you can't make something work, explain to her why.

Your wedding will be beautiful and memorable no matter what.

You don't have to go to her bachelorette. That's the only thing I would turn down if it doesn't make sense for you to take off work. Everything else I get how you'd be a little "ugh" about, but feel it, and then move on. She's not doing anything wrong!

Girl, feel all the feelings. I think I would feel the same way as you. I think you can be completely honest with her without sounding like you're not supporting her. Like, "thanks, but I want your dress to be brand new when you wear it in my wedding, so I'll get a new one for yours." The wedding on your already planned shower date is throwing me for a loop though. Why would she purposely do that? And I would tell her flat out that you can't take a whole week off for her bachelorette party this year. Honestly, I think she's asking for too much there.

Thank ya'll!! You all had great points and advice! While I'm a little annoyed about some of the details, I'm also a bit of a drama queen and am probably overreacting with some things. I'm sure our weddings will be completely different and unique in their own ways!

I definitely plan to talk to her about the dress and the date! Surely we can figure something out that honors both of our celebrations without stepping on the other!

Sounds like you have a good handle on things already. Just a thought, she might be trying to make things easier/cheaper for you by offering up her dress without realizing how uncomfortable that would be for you. Some bad ideas have good intentions behind them. Be direct and communicate your hesitations but also make sure she knows how happy you are for her.

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It seems so silly! She has been sending Inso pictures and it just makes me feel kind of blah for it to look so similar. I hate that I even feel that way LOL. It sounds selfish, but I hate that I've been planning my wedding in such detail and shared with my bridesmaids, and then have some of those plans duplicated just a couple of months before my own. I was just really excited for the stye and the fact that I hadn't seen anyone do some of the things we decided on. It's all silly and I'm sure I'll get over myself, but I'm a little bitter currently!

First, to answer your question: no, you're not being dramatic. Being bummed isn't being dramatic. Throwing a drink in her face because she dared hire your photographer would be dramatic.

That said, on the photographer, I wouldn't worry. Your photos and her photos will look nothing alike. Consider it a compliment that she liked your photographer that much.

On the dress, though, I'd politely decline. You can find a dress in the same color, but I would not wear her bridesmaid dress. There are a number of reasons this is just weird - hasn't she had it altered to fit her? Do you two just happen to magically be the exact same height and size? She may be trying to limit the cost to you, knowing your wedding is two months after hers, but this is odd and I would not do it.

Also, I'd skip the bach trip. I have voiced my distaste for the "extended trips" for bachelorette parties, loudly, so I may be biased, but I just think this is inconsiderate. You don't have the time to take a week off for her wedding, and it's rude for her to ask that of you even if you did. If you still want to contribute and can manage it financially, you can offer to still help pay in some way - when a friend of mine got married and was going to Disney, I offered to still pay for my share of her passes and food even though I couldn't go.

My friend just told me they have decided to elope. So none of these issues actually became issues, anyway. Note to self, don't be immediately dramatic and take things to heart! LOL. Thanks for all of your words and advice!