Underage bridesmaid / sister

Aww this is a hard one. I have a feeling there are probably lots of emotions involved here. Your sister is probably happy for you and your partner but maybe also a little sad and maybe even confused about how marriage will impact/chang your relationship with her. Add onto the fact its hard not to feel left out when you are the only one not old enough to attend something. Plus the stresses of starting college she probably is just feeling a little bit out of sorts/overwhelmed. If you can maybe have a nice sister day and tell her how happy you are to have her in the bridal party and maybe ask her to help plan and give suggestions for the 2nd event. Its hard but try not to take it personal she s 19 and probably a little confused about her own feelings on all the big life events taking place. Best of luck to you

I agree with the above poster. Your sister is dealing with a lot right now. Show her some love & it will all work out. Spend time together & realize how blessed you both are to have one another! Ask her what you can do to support her as she prepares for college.

While I think it's nice of you to try and plan a separate "bridesmaids day" she probably is still hurt she is not invited/involved in the bachelorette. While you think you're involving her by making this separate day, she knows its a second choice and knows it's not the real bachelorette and is probably in her feelings about it. Just cause she's 19 and 10 years younger doesn't mean she can't be involved in the bachelorette.

I'm 27 and my bridesmaids range from 17 youngest to 29 the oldest. While my MOH was planning my bachelorette I let her know of the 17 year old (still in high school) and advise she keep it so we don't go anywhere that having a 17 year old is going to be a problem (check ID). My MOH was able to plan a fun weekend, that doesn't have age limits so the 17 year old can partake and not feel left out and I'm so looking forward to it! We'll still get a weekend away, to drink and eat and have a good time and no one is excluded.

I agree with EGD. Separate but equal is still inherently unequal.

You may view it as "Look, I'm throwing a whole extra party just for you to take part in to include you" but what she is likely seeing is "You excluded me from the real party and now you're throwing a consolation party that singles me out even more to make it obvious I'm different from everyone else."

You speak of your bachelorette party as if what you are doing is literally the only option and you have no choice but to exclude your sister because of it, but you could have chosen a destination and activities that are appropriate for all ages of the people who are nearest and dearest to you that you chose them to stand up for you at your wedding. You can go to a bar or vineyard or whatever with your friends and drink any night of the week - you only have one opportunity to have a bachelorette with the people closest to you, regardless of age, and celebrate and make everyone feel included. Anything else you're throwing comes off like a consolation prize, which in turn likely makes her feel like she's an obligation or a burden/problem to solve rather than someone you legitimately want to celebrate with.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate this response and EGD’s, you are both probably correct in how she feels like a second choice. I think it’s great that you chose to have your one and only bachelorette party be inclusive for all ages! If you feel that you didn’t give up anything you truly had wanted to do, then that’s amazing and I applaud you.


I’m well aware that a destination bachelorette trip to Austin is by no means the only option for me but it’s what I’ve dreamed of doing for many years, well before I got engaged, and those closest to me know that. Everyone gets their time when it’s their time—if I’m pregnant when she gets married later on, or if the situation was reversed and I was underage now, I would never expect her to change what she wanted to do to celebrate just because of me because I’d understand I’m the outlier. It’s not her fault she’s 19 but I don’t think it’s necessarily fair for me to have to compromise another part of my wedding yet again, just because one person can’t attend one event.
Personally I have not experienced a lot of support from my family overall throughout the wedding planning and major moments this far, and constantly feel like I am having to adjust what will make me happy just to make everyone else happy during this time when I most need their support. I’m the oldest in my family and the first to get married, so I understand they haven’t all experienced this before, but so far no one else in my life understands why they’re being like this and it’s very sad and frustrating.

The way it comes off is you are prioritizing a trip (you are, just own up to it, other brides do the same ) instead of including your sister who is also part of the bridal party. Why ask her if you are just going to exclude her from pre-wedding events that are bridal party exclusive (the bach trip is usually done by the bridal party) . The bach party should be inclusive of all attendants unless they say they can't make it. You and your friends are choosing to exclude her, not the other way around. Why can't you have a bach party with everyone and then after the wedding plan the girls trip of your dreams with those who are old enough? You are honoring her by wanting her to be a bridesmaid but excluding her from the main pre wedding events that they participate in, it's understandable why she upset because it does feel like a consolation we felt bad for excluding you after thought

She is 19 I don't think she necessarily has to be excluded from the whole trip. I I mean you can rent air b-n-b have fun afternoons go to nice restaurants come back and party it up with snacks and drinks and even strippers if you wanted, bring the club to you she can have fun without drinking. Another option would be go to somewhere else, I believe the legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18 and its so fun there and often pretty affordable. At 19 feeling excluded from a major event in your sister's life would suck. While it is your wedding try your best to remember its not about the actual bachelorette partying its about the people and the love you are celebrating, spending time with your nearest and dearest. How about the 2nd event be all about barhopping and clubbing the trip be something everyone can enjoy. Sorry to hear this has been frustrating for you but nobody will ever be as excited as the bride and groom and weddings can bring up all kinds of feelings for people. Sending you a big hug, best of luck to you

View Quoted Comment This! My sister will be 16 when we get married (I'll be 25, so about a decade age gap between me and all the bridesmaids and her), and I would never dream of excluding her. There are plenty of activities that she can still participate in, and my MOH is doing the same- just planning for places and activities that don't require ID. Doesn't even mean the others can't drink- and I'm sure some will- but at restaurants rather than bars.

I agree that since you are purposefully excluding your sister from your bachelorette trip, you shouldn't really expect her to be excited by the consolation party. Ask her (instead of telling her) if she wants to attend the 2nd party, and if she doesn't, then just don't have that party, with no hard feelings. Apologize for excluding her and then let her feel sad and disappointed without trying to guilt her about her feelings.

View Quoted Comment Thanks, I don’t appreciate the assumption that I’m guilt tripping her or that I’ve not apologized or that I don’t feel badly about any of it, but appreciate your take!


I was seeking advice & insight from anyone who had personally dealt with something like this, not to be judged and negatively spoken about haha. Seems like this wasn’t the place. Thanks for all your feedback, everyone!

I think it's burdensome to ask your bridesmaids to go on a destination bach and this local party to include your sister.


I think you should have a local bach that includes your sister and have a regular trip to Austin with whoever can and wants to go without connecting it to your wedding.
It's petty of your sister to get all salty over this, but it's also inconsiderate of you to exclude your sister bridesmaid from an event that is for bridesmaids. The local trip is a consolation prize, and you're asking your bridesmaids to attend an extra event just to appease your sister. It's clearly not working.

I'm confused...what is she claiming you didn't involve her in exactly? God these forums are making me love my friends and family so much more...I don't know how you all deal with people like this. I can't imagine my friends or family members saying/doing half the stuff I see on here