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Just Said Yes July 2020

Underage Bridesmaid

cat, on December 8, 2019 at 10:20 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 7

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It’s a few months away, but I’m trying to figure out what to do about my fiancé’s younger sister and my bachelorette party. My friends and I are planning a lake weekend. Nothing crazy but probably a lingerie shower and I really want to visit a local winery. So there will be SOME alcohol, but not a lot. My MIL is very opposed to drinking so I know if I say something to her about the party she’ll automatically assume i want to get trashed and that is why I’m not inviting her daughter. In all honesty, she’s 10 years younger than all my other bridesmaids, doesn’t know any of my friends, plus she lives in a different state and doesn’t have a car, so my MIL would probably have to drive her and pick her up from the lake which is about 5 hours from their home. It doesn’t make sense for her to come but I want to make sure she feels included.

Right now my plan is to invite her and my MIL to a concert in Nashville which is close to my hometown, and about 3 hours for them, and pay for their tickets and hotel room. They loooove concerts. That way we could have a little girl time but I could still do the lake weekend with my friends. Do you think I should just approach it with “she’s younger than the rest of the group and doesn’t know anyone” and not mention alcohol?? I don’t want my MIL mad at me but I also don’t think a 17yo should be at a cabin with 27yo bridesmaids and a shower with lingerie for me and her brother! 🤣

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Latest activity by Catherine, on December 17, 2019 at 10:53 AM

January 2019
MOB So Cal · on December 8, 2019 at 10:32 AM
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I think what you've proposed is a really good compromise. You'll have an opportunity to spend quality time with FSIL (and FMIL) and have an age-appropriate bachelorette party with your friends. (As the mother of a young woman in her mid-20s, I agree it would be inappropriate to include a 17 year old in the bachelorette party, even if it's pretty tame. If our daughter had been in a wedding in her teens, I wouldn't have expected her to be included in the bachelorette activities.)
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Dedicated October 2020
Amber · on December 8, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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I don't know what the etiquette is for inviting junior bridesmaids to bachelorette parties, but I'd assume it's normal to not invite them. I think your wording is fine, but you should talk to your FSIL too so she can hear it directly from you instead of your FMIL. You could tell her "I don't think you'd really enjoy being at the cabin since you don't really know the other bridesmaids, so I'd like to do something else special with you - insert concert plan here"
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Devoted October 2020
Crystal · on December 8, 2019 at 1:34 PM
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I’d word it differently. I wanted to do something you’d really enjoy and take you to this concern. Either don’t mentioned the cabin, or say, “I’m so thankful you’re in this and want to celebrate with you”.
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Expert September 2021
Dayna · on December 9, 2019 at 2:41 PM
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I think inviting them to a concert weekend sounds like a good compromise, but isn't even totally necessary. If you do, I definitely think you should emphasize how much you want to do something special with her (or them) that she will enjoy more than hanging out with your older bridesmaids. When I was 15, I was the MOH for my sister. I was not included in any bachelorette activities and that was fine. I wasn't offended and my sister just didn't talk about the party around me much so I wouldn't feel left out. I did go to her bridal shower which was...mostly appropriate for a 15 year old lol.
I also have my FHs sister in my bridal party who will be 19 next year. The current plan is to spend a day at Disney which she will be able to do with us, and then we will probably go out at night and she just won't go out with us (unless we can find something 18+ but no luck so far). She's planning on moving up near Disney next year anyway so she would be able to just go back home if she wanted to.
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Devoted June 2021
Caitlin · on December 9, 2019 at 6:27 PM
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I am in the same situation! My youngest bridesmaid is my fiancé’s sister, who is 17, and the rest of us are around 25. I don’t think it would be appropriate to have her at the bachelorette party, so I might have a bridesmaid sleepover or something that includes her!
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 14, 2019 at 6:28 PM
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Having something special with them, soon to be family, and markedly older or younger that your friend occasion, sounds great. Sell it as special, not wanting them to feel out of place amongst your friend group, and wanting special time with FMIL and FSIL. What you and friends are doing then is not their business, except generalities, talking about old times together, mutual friends, and such.
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VIP November 2019
Catherine · on December 17, 2019 at 10:53 AM
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I think i would be honest and open. just tell her you'd love to spend quality time with them on your bach weekend but you don't feel its appropriate to have her involved with the other "late night/lingerie activities". i think the concert is a great idea and a very kind gesture on your part!
for my bach weekend my 13yo step daughter came with us one day in the city to explore and go ax throwing. then the other day we did a wine tasting/tour with just the adults.
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Underage Bridesmaid

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