Unhappily Married People

I'm afraid of this.

But on the other hand, I know couples who have been together 20-30 years and are still happily married. That's not to say its always easy, but they're very much still in love

Well this is an upper.

I've seen studies about this, and mostly they say the same thing: Be kind and generous to each other, and you're more likely to stay happily married.

I think that the passionate kind of love goes away and is replaced by a long-term "family-like" love. I also think love is a choice and you have to choose to keep giving to each other after that spark fades. I hope to remain compatible though as the years go on, and I guess we'll see how it changes over time. I come from a family of lots of divorce so I am hoping to "put things on the right path" and not give up even if things don't feel romantic all of the time. I sure hope we don't end up disliking each other!

This is definitely something that scares me. I also know couples who have been married for a long time and are very happy.

I've known FH for 13 years and we've been together for 5. He worries that I'll get "sick of him" but honestly I don't see it ever happening. The man makes me laugh 100 times a day. Who could get tired of that?

ETA: FH's parents are like this I think. They behave more like roommates who don't hate but also don't like each other.

I was just talking to someone at work about the same thing earlier. When i was shopping over the weekend i was watching other couples and they looked so unhappy with each other. Not even walking next to each other. Me and FH going on 15 years. We get along great. We hold hands everywhere and laugh and joke around constantly. I guess i just don't understand and hope i never do

I have wondered about this too, just because it seems to be a recurring theme. My parents have been married for 38 years and they're more in love than ever. They go out on dates frquently and are also thoughtful of each other. This gives me hope!

No one said it was easy...

There are people who just won't divorce. There are people who are unhappy. There are people in relationships that shouldn't have been in them to begin with, such is life.

Life is also filled with choices, you have to choose whether you are going to stay or go, or whether you want to be happy or not.

@Frugal Gator sorry, wasn't trying to bring up a depressing topic but I was literally just talking with some of these people at lunch. I went out to lunch with two coworkers who are in the 40s. They were talking about a work assignment that opened up in a different country. My job pays for you to live there but you cant bring your spouse or children (its a dangerous country and you live in a protective area). The one guy said if it wasn't for his kids he would go. The woman said that several people at my job have done these assignments to get away from their spouse.

This isn't the first time we have had these discussions and I am always the only one saying I would never do it because I wouldn't leave my significant other behind.

FH and I both have divorced parents. His divorced when he was in elementary school. Mine, on the other hand, stayed together until I left for college and then separated. They were unhappy for 10 or more years, mostly because my dad was deployed off and on throughout my grade school years and it's hard to be faithful (I guess) when you're never home and always at war.

FH and I worry about this, but we are committed to breaking the cycle in our families. I think as PP said, if you are kind and selfless and love them even when you don't like them (lol), everything will be fine.

My best friend got married in August and is miserable. I hate it for her. Her parents, on the other hand, met and got married within 2 months of knowing each other and 30 years later they are just like little school kids and are the most cute, loving and passionate couple I know! It really all depends...if you're in love and committed, don't stress it!

Of course I think about this. I wouldn't say "worry" but I've surely thought about it and do did/does DH. I take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment. We've been together for 11 years and married just over six months so I'm still in the newlywed stage. I love being with DH however, we do have times in which we are apart and I'm okay with that as well.

I was married before, and am getting married in two weeks, and this fear is making me panic. Divorce is horrible, especially with kids involved.

I agree that marriage (or any long relationship) loses its sparkle and is hopefully replaced by a more profound connection built on trust, kindness, and a deep respect for the other person.

It takes effort sometimes and I think when we walk into relationships with expectations that our partner is everything to us that we want or need, we become resentful to find out they aren't magic.

I'm an emotionally demanding person. I am driven by verbal affirmation and my fiancé is very, very quiet. So we aren't exactly compatible in that area and we are learning together through talking and premarital counseling. I struggle with trust issues from previous relationships but it's my issue that I'm working through as well and he's really understanding. On a positive note, we have the same goals and values; we laugh often; we're very affectionate; and respect each other.

But, I am freaking out today. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in that.

I've seen it from both sides. Both of my parents have been married 3 times. FH's parents are still together, but don't really like each other a lot of the time. I think they had looked at divorce a long time ago, but decided it was cheaper to stay together.

Their issues don't concern me, and I don't see either as being a prediction for my marriage. FH and I have been together nearly 8 years. We've grown up together from the immature early 20s versions of ourselves to who we are now. Though we don't have the crazy passion we had the first few years, we have a deep love and friendship. We have learned to talk rationally about disagreements instead of yelling and name calling.

I think it really takes being willing to work through problems. I like to hold onto my anger, but have learned to change that. I say my piece, he responds, we discuss and resolve. It does not get brought up the next time we argue. Making any relationship works takes work, respect, compromises, etc.

My parents have been together 40 years, married for 33. And they are still lovey dovey and up each others asses. I hope that my relationship follows the same path. FH and I have been together 7 years and it has not all been perfect, about 3 years ago we grew apart for a few weeks, even contemplated breaking up. But we decided to work through, get to the real root of the problem and fix it. We are happier today then we were before the little rough patch. As long as you dont ever "give up" on eachother, you will be fine. Nothings going to be perfect 24/7 365, but always remember the reasons you love eachother

@Alecia I agree

@OHP my parents are like this too. Married for 33 years but the marriage came about when my mom got pregnant. My mom filed for divorce once but I think decided to stay together because it was cheaper. My mom can't stand being around him for a full day though.

Marriage is work; it should be a priority, tended to and nurtured.n Being 'in love' is different that loving someone long term.

I jokingly asked FH's grandparents if they were tired of each other yet. It was a resounding "no, never" and they've been married almost 60 years. FH's grandma has early Alzheimers and FH's grandad can't hear well but they still act like teenagers in love sometimes. He calls her Doll and they hold hands and travel together still and are such a great team. FH's mother and father are still together and in their late 50s and are literally all over each other to the point that I feel like FH and I have to catch up with our PDA when we're around them. I think some things naturally fade but in healthy relationships other things blossom in their place.

Everyone around me has been divorced. My parents, my friends, family, etc. my dads had about 3 divorces since I was about 10. FH and I are very realistic about it, we talk about what all we would do regarding our daughter if we divorced. I think a lot of divorces happen because people begin their marriages with these rose colored goggles, like everything is so blissful and they are so much in love...and then once that feeling wears off they don't want to be in the marriage anymore. in reality that's just the way relationships go.

@mzj I agree. We have always talked about what we think would be fair in the event that we do get divorced.