Uninvited guest?

Her being a bridesmaid is ridiculous. But in redoing a delayed celebration, she has been with him long enough to consider themselves a couple, if they are both exclusively with each other, and she should be invited if he is.
If you would not care if he missed your wedding, don't invite her, he can decline, and you can renegotiate for a smaller number not a larger one.

I personally would not buddge, but I don't get along with my FH's brother. He's very disrespectful and has never thanked me for any of the time or money (totaling thousands) that I have spend on his child.

I think people should understand because you have a limit n budget. She can always zoom in. I would stand your ground

I agree with Judith on this one.

Definitely don't let her be a bridesmaid if you are not close with her. If you guys haven't developed a relationship then there is no need for that. I would tell him that it's not in the budget for her to attend your wedding but if something opens up then she can be invited.

You are having a wedding where you expect your soon to be husband’s brother to travel alone. How boring would that be to take a trip like that and have no one to share it with it. Not only no one to share it with but the person you want to share with “wasn’t allowed” to go.


I see your side as well with a set guest amount. I think it’s fine if his girlfriend travels, but maybe not have her attend the wedding. But, being in a foreign place I’m sure there will be something for her to do. Maybe book her a tour, massage, dinner, something so she’s not twiddling her thumbs in her hotel room. And then be sure to include her in whatever other activities you have planned for the group (welcome dinner, farewell brunch, etc) and explain your reasoning to the brother that you can not add anyone else.
As far as the bridesmaid thing, no. Tell him you have your bridal party picked out and due to guest limits you can not add another one.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. Stand your ground.

I’m confused- who’s wedding is it anyways? Is it yours or your soon to be brother in law’s? How dare he insist she be a bridesmaid! That’s a load of crap! Hold your ground. Let him know that you have an extremely limited # & unless someone else cancels, she’s not invited. She can zoom or FaceTime the event.

She definitely shouldn't be a bridesmaid, but I do think she should be invited to the wedding since they are a couple. Plus, he is traveling overseas so it would be nice if he had someone to travel with.

View Quoted Comment One thing people judging what is reasonable, often miss in standard etiquette, is that one condition, that people who are in committed relationships, SO or significant others, automatically should be treated as a couple and both invited, or neither,
is that there is a second condition: if this pair is a committed couple already at 10-12 weeks when it is the usual time for addressing invitations. And if when invitations are first out, people call the hosts attention to those she was not aware were already a couple for a while (younger sib SO far away? Old school friend?)
These are now issued an invitation in SO name. But, other than this kind of correcting oversights, once this final list at addressing time is done, the hosts are under no social obligation to continually change the now final guest list. If the person is family, and party to behind the scenes, and wants to agree that an invitation for a new relationship SO. will be issued of there are declines, that is an offer the host may make, but at her pleasure, no social obligation. Basically, you have to decide when the invitation tinkering is up, numbers and charts and negotiations with vendors is done. At 10 weeks, with a little open window for people bringing up oversights, relationships hosts did not know about, and time is up. And with an international wedding, no less.

View Quoted Comment He actually won’t be alone even if his gf doesn’t go. His parents (my soon to be in laws) are paying for him to go and he’s sharing accommodations with them and his sister.

Future brother in law is entitled and doesn't understand boundaries, or maybe just doesn't understand weddings. No one automatically gets to bring a guest to a wedding, especially not a new boo. No one gets to inject people into the wedding party except for the bride (for her side only) and the groom (for his side only). People on one side of the wedding party don't automatically have their SO included on the other side.

Also, there would not even be enough time for her to get a bridesmaid dress if she's such a last minute addition. She likely would have needed to order a dress before your invites went out and RSVPs came back, even with the extended timeframe of a destination wedding.

Stand your ground. Whenever your wedding ends up being, if he and his girlfriend are still together and more established, it would be nice to include her (as a guest only) if possible. Save the Dates usually go out six months before the wedding and I feel like that's generally a decent cutoff for inviting SOs of guests. So if by the time your wedding ends up happening he and his girlfriend have been together for six months or more and its going well between them and she's not a horrible human that you, your FH, or his family can't stand, then I'd try to include her.

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s not the same. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t attend 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment He’s not my brother, not my problem.

View Quoted Comment It’s my wedding. Yeah we’ve said if someone cancels she can go but differing from the guest count package that we paid for costs a lot in extra fees (like the stupid cake fee if we go with a cake from elsewhere not provided by the venue) and we just can’t afford to pay the extra fees is the problem, and he can’t either, he’s only going because his parents (my future in laws) are paying for him to go.

View Quoted Comment How kind. Good luck

View Quoted Comment We’ve gone out of our way a lot for him lately, even his parents that paid for this trip for him and are expected to pay additionally for her which would be close to 2k. I care about him but it isn’t my problem in this situation, since it’s purely come down to finances being put on us, guest wise, or his parents.

That’s absolutely insane that he is “insisting” that she be a bridesmaid. Absolutely not. If you guys do have the opportunity to add her into the guest list then fine, might save you on some feuding in the long run, but if you don’t have the room, you don’t have the room. I wouldn’t worry about accommodating too much. It’s your wedding and they should be respectful of that.