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Devoted September 2022

Uninvited Guests

Crystal, on June 2, 2022 at 8:30 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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So… I’ve been having issues with my mom when it comes to inviting her friends to the wedding. I made it very clear that she has a capacity of 6 guests (which she has already chosen). But yet, she continues to bring up other friends who say “I haven’t received an invitation”. She puts it off on me saying she doesn’t know anything about it and they have to check with me knowing that she already invited her 6 guests.

This past weekend was my bridal shower, prior to the shower she asked me how comes I didn’t invite any of her friends. I explained to her that the bridal shower is for the bride’s close friends and family only. Lo and behold, she invited her friends anyways who walked in and then up and left because they weren’t dressed properly (derby tea party theme) and they felt out of place.
How do I avoid this at the wedding? I still have to verify if the venue has security but this entire matter is overwhelming.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Sloane, on June 7, 2022 at 10:16 AM

Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on June 2, 2022 at 10:14 PM
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If security isn't included with your package, you'll have to hire 2-3 guards yourself. Other than that, I don't think there's a way to prevent unwanted guests from entering.

Unwanted people coming is a thing I fear: as soon as they knew we got engaged, all 4 parents started inviting some friends of theirs verbally, half of whom won't even be on the list because we haven't met them. So we put our foot down: Each parent gets ato invite 8 (only people we BOTH MET) but they never stop pushing for more and they could invite others behind our back, so we told them upfront that the venue comes with security, so don't make the non invited friends waste their time and money.
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Super March 2022
JA · on June 3, 2022 at 4:44 AM
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Have a guest list with staff to check people in. If they aren't on the list they cannot enter. If you have a wedding planner, make sure they are aware of the situation and they should handle kicking people out.

Also, I would assign seats (not just tables) for the dinner, so no unwanted guests have a place.
Lastly, have a drafted message/saying ready if their friends approach you about it. Something like "I'm so sorry, but we already have our guest list finalized. Unfortunately my mom has been inviting people knowing that we cannot accommodate them. I'm sorry that we won't be able to have you there!"
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on June 3, 2022 at 8:09 AM
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I second this. Remind your mother, this is a formal event and every guest has an escort card with assigned seating. If her friends arrive, they will be very embarrassed to not be on the guest list and not have a chair. Remind her there's no overflow table at your event.
I do think the friends have now seen your Mom's overreach after witnessing your formal bridal shower. Hopefully, they talk amongst themselves, but have a response ready. I would also have a team of at least 2 persons: 1 greeter/ guest list checker and 1 other person to hand escort cards upon arrival/ enforce security. It's a similar check-in like a charity gala with tickets, but it will reinforce the idea that if they don't have a card, there is no place for them. If you need to, have your MOH or BM be a 3rd muscle. You do not have to be distracted by these awkward confrontations on your day. All will be fine.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on June 3, 2022 at 10:20 AM
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If the venue doesn't provide security, you should probably hire some to avoid your mom's uninvited friends crashing. I'd also tell your mom (regardless of whether you actually hire security) that there will be someone there checking names, escort cards will be handed out at check in to invited guests only, anyone uninvited will be turned away, and there won't be an overflow table to accommodate anyone who you didn't invite. Hopefully the shower was enough of a wake up call for your mom that she needs to stop trying to invite people who aren't actually invited.
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