Uninvited guests

I would invite him. She’s my friend and if she’s happy that’s good for me. I dated a guy for a couple years and now my best friend is with him. We all do stuff together. Him and I don’t have feeling for each other anymore so it doesn’t make it awkward. If we still had feelings that would be strange but then again I wouldn’t be getting married to someone else if I had feelings for my ex 🤷🏽‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I agree with Kelly here. While it may be awkward, you’ve moved on and have the man of your dreams. If you’re set on him not coming, maybe just let her know how you’re feeling and see what she does.
In the end, you won’t see much of him and you’ll be distracted by your new husband.

Invite him because it's the proper thing to do. You don't separate couples regardless of what the situation is or how much you do/don't like them or the relationship; couples are a social unit. As far as "girl code" goes, I haven't heard that term since high school. You're an adult, so treat her (and him) with respect and maturity. For all you know, they could end up marrying each other and the fact that you have a past with him really isn't relevant at this point.

It seems like he would basically be all alone because she is a bridesmaid, right? So he would likely be sitting by himself with no one else he knows. That would be awkward.

View Quoted Comment He might sit alone for the ceremony, yes. But after that and pictures, a BM is pretty much with her date for the 4-6 hour reception, to dance and talk, like anyone else. I have been to weddings alone all day/ evening , where I knew few people. I didn't curl up and withdraw, I socialized and danced and had a good time each time.

I think that it would be awkward

View Quoted Comment I mean, that entirely depends on the wedding. Two years ago I was a bridesmaid and my fiancé was not in the wedding party. I barely saw him the entire night, except for slow dances and times where I had opportunities to freely socialize. I had many other obligations and my focus was rightfully on my friend.

Either way, it sounds like both bride and groom-to-be are uncomfortable with the situation, and yet they are the two people who should be the most comfortable. I think it's her call.

If they're newly dating, you've already sent invitations out, you've had a past with him, and his presence makes you and your fiancé uncomfortable, you gotta tell her no. If she is a good friend and a reasonable person, she should understand. Plus, it's your day, not hers.

View Quoted Comment

This. Just exactly this answer.

You've chosen her as a bridesmaid for some reason, she is likely family or a close friend. Which means you care about her and she should care about you. You've found the man you intend to spend your life with. This boy she's seeing is from your past. If you are truly over him, his presence should not be an issue for you. Unless he isn't over you and you're afraid he will cause trouble on your special day. I personally would never be with someone one of my close friends was once with, but that's not the case for everyone. If you believe that the two of you can be in one another's presence with no conflict, then I see no reason why you couldn't invite him. However, if you don't want to invite him then remember that you don't have to. It is your wedding afterall.

Yeah, I can see both sides of this. I really wouldn't care if an ex came because I literally don't give a rats behind about any of them at all, in that way, lol. Like "I have found the one whom my soul loves" and all that jazz. I've literally gone to dinner with my cousin and my ex because she was dating him. It was fun, I was happy for them. However, like someone else posted above, there is one ex who absolutely would not be able to come, for the sole reason that he cray andddddd would be spiteful and try to ruin it and be obsessive, etc. not a healthy situation, you get the point. Every one is different. The past really shouldn't matter but sometimes there are people in the world who have super bad vibes and make you uncomfortable, not for the reason of past "feelings".

Well I suppose that would depend on your definition of a "past". It would also depend on if his presence would make you or your FH feel uncomfortable in any way. If his presence would cause any type of discord; I would definitely decline to invite him.