Uninviting a Guest / Alcoholism

Have the conversation. It might be the conversation that wakes her up and saves her life.


I come from a family of alcoholics. The only thing that has woken up members of my family is when we have told them how much their actions are hurting others. It's a hard conversation to have but it's very important.
I would have a conversation with her about how her actions affect you, not the other guests or your parents. Tell her how her behavior hurts you and makes you feel unsafe. Tell her that you want to still be friends (if you do), but you don't want to be around her when she is drinking and you don't trust her to be a part of your wedding day.

So we are sort of in a similar situation with my fiancé’s brother. He has struggled with drug addiction. No one else in our families have this problem, and it’s not something we’ve ever been exposed to except for with him so sometimes we do have trouble navigating how to handle things.
It is his brother, and as much as we love him, my fiancé called him up and spoke to him directly about showing up on time and not come nodding out etc. As embarrassing as it is he had to tell his brother to make sure he didn’t wear jeans and that he needed to get a suit etc. He supposed to be in the wedding party, but we aren’t sure if he will be able to get himself together as much as we all try to help him.

It has been years that we have tried to get him help, tried to get him in a facility, but the state that we live in makes it very difficult for family members to forcibly admit someone in a rehab facility if the person isn’t willing to go.
If before the wedding we feel like he won’t be able to handle himself we will ask him to leave. This is his brother we’re talking about! The person that may cause havoc on your day isn’t a family member and not even a close friend and if you feel like talking to her might not do any good, I would just uninvite her and blame it on Covid in all honesty. It’s definitely a hard situation to deal with and she’s not family And she’s not a close friend, so I wouldn’t even try to open up a can of worms as this may cause added stress to your day that you just don’t need. #BlameItOnCovid And uninvite her.

As you admitted, this is really a conversation that should have happened after NYE. On her end, I’m suspecting this conversation will be a huge shock given how long ago that was and that most people tend to party harder on NYE. This doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but makes the issue a bit harder to address. It sounds like you’re over the friendship, in which case, I’d be direct and straightforward acknowledging the relationship has run its course. Alternatively, you could try to delicately ask her if everything is okay because you’ve noticed certain behaviors you think may be harmful. This is just going to be a really random point to bring it up though, so I’d assume more of a friendship ender convo.

You should have the conversation with her vs. just sucking it up. If there is someone like that at your wedding and you're not really that close anymore, do you want to risk having that person possibly ruin a moment or the whole wedding for you? It would also not be fair to have to designate someone to be her handler because they won't be able to enjoy themselves. It's a really tough situation, but I think the conversation needs to happen. She may not know how much it's affected you and might be the kick in the butt she needs to get some help or stop with that kind of behavior.

Yea I would agree with the others. Have the conversation.

I've seen the sloppy/aggressive drunk at weddings and they always have to have a minder. It's exhausting for the person that ends up having to do it, and it's usually embarrassing for the wedding couple. Cut your losses and uninvite them.

I do agree that you should do it with some kindness and ask if they're doing okay. Then transition to letting them know that their behavior has been hurtful to you and after consideration you can't let them come to the wedding.

Honestly, this will likely end your friendship, but it sounds like you'd be better off. There's only so much you can do for these types of people.

I would definitely approach this as a concerned friend first and a bride second.

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Agree. This conversation should be handled as a friend.

I would also say if your FH is adamant about her not attending, you should respect his wishes, as I'm sure he is only saying it so you can actually enjoy your day. Imagine how terrible it would feel if you sent your whole reception keeping tabs on a friend and not enjoying yourself.

Have the conversation with her as a friend. Let her know that you care about her and want her to get better and are willing to help her locate services, but she will not be attending your wedding due to her behavior.

This is an exception where uninviting is necessary.

Thanks for the advice everyone, really helped clear my head about it. ❤️😊

I've been looking for this post! Finally!! Someone understands. Recently, we had a small get together with 2 couples, one of which we have asked to stand for us at our wedding. She showed up bombed to our house, screamed and yelled and cried- basically everything you shouldn't do when you are a guest at someone's house or literally ever. It was incredibly embarrassing for us. When we finally told her to leave it resulted in her going bananas, her husband got her up in the car, and we could hear her screaming 2 houses down from their vehicle. Immediately afterwards, the questions began to arise between us about how the hell we are going to handle this. We can't have this happen. I don't want folks to remember how bonkers she went and ruined our wedding day. My mother flat out said she does not want her at the house (which is where we are having after ceremony BBQ). We've already asked them to be a part of it, because honestly, she has been so good to us, we wouldn't be where we are without her. I was unaware of how badly she began to drink with the lockdowns. It's a mess. She's extremely emotional, we want to spare her feelings, but also don't want our wedding to be for US and not a full on shi** show. . This is HARD. I am seriously considering just cancelling everything, and eloping. we were having a micro-wedding anyways. So much drama already and it's not even until October!

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Whoa that sounds way more difficult than my situation I'm so sorry! Everyone on this thread had some really good and rather varying advice so hopefully some of it can help you as well. I did uninvite my friend and I will tell you that I felt more relief just knowing she won't be coming and it won't be a stressor than any nerves I felt over actually doing the uninviting. Don't cancel, you'll regret that more I would think. Either way, hugs. I hope it all works out.

I have been looking for a post like this. I am sorry you had to deal with that & i see that you recently got married so Congrats & I hope everything went AMAZING.
I have a similar situation that I am needing help on, maybe you can help me with how you talked to your friend.
One of my friends, we aren’t super close, but she is still invited to things has a bad addiction and is an alcoholic. I feel horrible for her, however her behavior is really unacceptable. My bridal shower was this past weekend and it was amazing & beautiful. She attended, but was very very under the influence and drunk and was nodding off and making guests nervous. My mother was not pleased at all & told me we can’t have this at the wedding - which I agree with. So how did you have the “univite” conversation? Thank you.