Uninviting an old friend

If you have already sent a save the date you need to send an invitation, it means that she could have already blocked off the weekend and making travel and lodging arrangements. A save the date is a "pre-invite" and it's known that an invitation will follow it, other wise what's the point?

If you already sent her a Save The Date, I would still send an invitation. She can decide whether to accept it or not. If she attends the wedding, the friendship might pick back up where it left off. Or, you could reach out to her before the wedding and setup a time to meetup for dinner or drinks or something and catch up on life.


If you want to end the friendship, then you could let her know that you don't plan to send her an invitation, that you just feel like you've drifted apart and aren't close anymore. But be aware that this route will likely end the friendship permanently.

View Quoted Comment Well obviously. You're telling me something i already know. The issue is the friendship itself. The drifting away. And no there is no problem with lodging or accommodations.

View Quoted Comment Thanks i will try

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You asked if you should still send an invitation. Yes

I think you should invite her. I'm in my forties and have friends like that. Friends will come and go but there are some friends that will remain special your whole life. Just because you don't visit each other regularly doesn't mean you're not friends. Your wedding is a huge moment in your life and I think you'll regret not inviting her.

I think you should invite her. It doesn’t sound like your friendship has changed at all since Save the dates went out so I think the drifting is a poor excuse to not send an invitation.

I have a friend that I talk to less than that and she's still special enough to me that she's one of my bridesmaids. And she was super stoked to be asked.

Especially since you sent her a Save the Date, you need to invite her to the wedding. Doesn't matter your relationship - it's super rude if she's already technically been invited to suddenly uninvite her. It's fine if you want to be done with the friendship after the wedding, but at the very least inviting her would help the relationship end on good terms.

Yes, you send an invitation. Unfortunately, the state of your friendship is something that should’ve been considered prior to mailing the save the dates.

Yes I would still send the invitation, it seems like you don't talk on a regular basis but that is perfectly fine in a friendship. Maybe you will hit it off like back in the day when you two finally do get back together (that's happened to me plenty of times). It's not like there is any bad blood in the relationship.

I think if you already sent the save the date then you really should send her and invite.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this

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I agree with every word of this.

Yes. You need to send the invitation. A save the date isn't "hey well block off this time for me and if I still feel like you're close enough you'll be invited".

This is why I'm starting to wonder how helpful save the dates are in the long run.

A big part of adulthood is not seeing your friends all the time. I live in a different state and see my bestfriend in the world 4 times a year.

View Quoted Comment This exactly. Being an adult friend, you have to understand that everyone has their own busy life to deal with. Most adult lives don't revolve around their friends. People grow up, they settle down with their partner, having a couple kids, have a job, a household to take care of, dinner to make for family, etc. You don't have to talk every day or hang out every weekend to maintain a relationship. I had a friend like this, who constantly wanted to talk on the phone and hang out and get mad because I'm just way too busy for the kind of friendship we had as children anymore. I ended up ending the friendship because I just don't have the time and tired of all her bs over her constant need for that type of attention from me that she knows I can't give her.

View Quoted Comment Starting to feel like its just a waste of paper

View Quoted Comment Ok but seeing and talking are two different things. I dont even talk to her.

View Quoted Comment We talk 2 times a year and i dont need attention from her i have 3-4 different groups of friends. We dont have mutual friends

It sounds like you’ve made your decision since you are combatting everyone’s advice.
Just don’t expect to ever talk to her again after this.