Uninviting plus ones due to covid

I actually think you are right for asking them not to bring their gf/bf. at this point in time, it must be so hard to narrow down the list so you really do have to keep it absolutely necessary.

I think in your family needs to get on it! It’s hard for you to narrow the guest list period. I say if they’re not engaged or married you don’t have to invite them. It is YOUR day and your family needs to be supportive. They will know a TON of people there anyway and have a great time. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

I’m screaming with you! Do they not know what’s going on? Tell you don’t have a lot of wiggle room.
We originally went with immediate family members with their family and a few friends. Now having to postpone twice, we were cutting down and eventually decided it will be just parents. I was worried about hurting feelings, but we had to make a decision.
Hope it all works out for you🙏

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. Just be super honest with them and tell them it’s family only and no further discussion. It’s your day! Thank. Don’t feel guilty at all.

You’re the one being inconsiderate. They’re in a relationship, these aren’t plus ones.

View Quoted Comment I understand where you’re coming from here, but she’s not cutting her guest list for fun. Obviously she would have had them present if it weren’t for the present circumstances. Etiquette guidelines don’t even consider global pandemics. It comes off as judgy when you fail to even consider the tough circumstances and decisions 2020 brides are facing.

Plus ones are for people who are single, significant others are a social unit and should be invited together. Your siblings are not being inconsiderate here and they have every right to be upset.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%

View Quoted Comment The OP made it clear that she isn’t inviting her siblings SOs because she doesn’t feel like it’s necessary, not because of capacity constraints.

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100% agree! Covid or not, expecting people to celebrate your relationship while deciding whose relationship is worthy of being acknowledged is a very inconsiderate thing. A relationship is a relationship regardless of how long or how many times you have met the person and as such both people in the relationship should be invited. Plus ones are only for truly single people.

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Hi everyone! I appreciate your feedback and thoughts. Catlyn, I thought it was clear from my post, but yes....we are cutting our guestlist from 250 to a sad 50 and because of that, we'll need to cut anyone who is not immediately family, including my brother's girlfriend of one year. If we were still having our large party, she would still be invited for sure.

I think these different viewpoints are interesting and perhaps, cultural. I am southeast Asian, and in my experience, it's typical for guests to come as a family unit (i.e. bringing your sister or brother as a date to represent your family and/or coming with your parents instead of boyfriend). Last year, my fiance attended a cousin's wedding and brought his sister as a date because they were only allowed 2 seats. I saw nothing wrong with that. So I guess what I'm saying is, we all have different ideas on wedding etiquette, based on the norms we've grown up with. In my opinion, family weddings are for family and that should be the focus - being there for your family member, plus one or not. I don't know if this makes sense. Please let me know, if not.

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Thank you! I feel all etiquette has been (forcefully) erased due to COVID, and that sucks. But the safety of our family and guests is the main priority here, which means lower numbers are necessary. Cutting guests or plus ones is not a personal decision at all and I think that is the toughest thing to convey to our family and guests. We want everyone there, but it's just not feasible or safe. However, we've agreed the one guest we will absolutely not cut is our frenchie and "best pup". LOL

A boyfriend/girlfriend are not a plus one. I would never attend a wedding that my significant other isn't invited to. It is extremely rude not to invite them.

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**screaming while now emotionally eating delicious chocolate chip milk bread from Trader Joes**

I'm so sorry you've had to postpone twice! That is so incredibly frustrating and disheartening. I don't blame you for only having your parents this next go round. Sometimes, the most intimate ceremonies are the most special. Wishing you the best!!

A different perspective on this is that by having my brother's girlfriend or sister's boyfriend present, that takes up one spot from a family member who is very important to me (you know, the bride who is throwing this shindig and paying for it in full). Why should I tell my cousin - whom I am very close to and have known my whole life - that she can no longer come to MY wedding because my SIBLINGS want to invite THEIR bf/gf of a few years? It doesn't make sense to me. Please someone enlighten me! I am open to all viewpoints.

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Normally, in American culture (which is what a lot of WW users are), the sibling's partner would take precedence over a cousin because that person (sibling's partner) is considered an extension of the sibling, even if they are not married. I think part of this is because the nuclear family (mom, dad, kids) is the foundational family unit in the States, whereas other cultures have more of an emphasis on extended family that isn't present as much in (Anglo) American culture. Another part of this is that so many people live together before marriage that the lines are somewhat blurred and not inviting someone's significant other is viewed as de-legitimizing their relationship.

Right now, however, I think some of these etiquette rules can be bent somewhat because a lot of people are up against hard limits on who can be there or not. I don't know what I would do in your situation. My FI's brother definitely would prefer his fiance to come over a cousin, and I'm 99% sure my FI would feel that way too.

I honestly see nothing wrong with this! I see alot of people commenting that if someones in a relationship that you MUST invite the significant other. Ugh.
BUT these are not normal times, we are in a pandemic and things need to be changed and altered to fiy wedding restrictions.
Personally i see nothing wrong with cutting your list to 50 and cutting out your siblings boyfriend or girlfriend to make room for your vip family members.Remember this is YOUR wedding and you have to make it what you want and also be able to fit your needed family members on your guest lisy of 50!

I disagree with people saying it’s inconsiderate not to let your siblings have their boyfriend/girlfriend there. First, I don’t think plus ones are only for single people and having a bf/gf doesn’t automatically mean they’re invited especially with how expensive everything is. I think normally it would be considerate to extend invites to your siblings bf/gf but this is not normal circumstances. Second, she said she had to cut her list by 100 people and I imagine that is heart wrenching already and her siblings are being jerks and making it harder. Your siblings are allowed to be upset but ultimately they need to be understanding and supportive. It’s your wedding and your guest list is your decision.

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome! We were already planning a small wedding (Around 55), but it was so hard to call the families we had to cut and let them know we really wished they could be there. The health department restrictions at our venue won’t allow us to have more than 50, and if they get stricter we’re going to have to cancel because we just can’t cut anyone else. Good luck!
Definitely need your best pup!

As a fellow bride who has had to reschedule twice, I understand where you’re coming from. Could you “compromise” and tell your siblings that you need to wait and see how many people RSVP yes, and based on that number you’ll decide if they can bring their significant others? Not sure if your family is nearby or traveling, but some people still might be iffy about traveling and you might get more “no’s” than you expected