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Expert September 2018

Unpopular Opinions

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Kate, on June 13, 2018 at 9:45 PM

Sometimes I feel like I think differently from everyone on this app lol maybe it's an age difference or something but there are somethings most of y'all are so adamant about on here and I'm like na

Like tipping vendors. If I'm paying 100s or thousands of dollars for their service why should I tip them.

Cash bars. I don't drink, I don't care if anyone at my wedding drinks but I don't want to pay for it. Now I'm not having one bc my mother offered to pay for alochol but idc if someone has one. So I also love BYOB -or cooler ideas.

Honeymoon funds. I don't think they're rude. You're already asking for something if you have a registry. Why not just have a honeymoon fund jar at a bridal shower or wedding table rather than getting gifts.

Cake and food. I don't see a problem with having a friend or family memeber cooking if they offered. Saves tons of money lol and they offered

Throw your own bachelorette party if your bridal party can't. It's not a big deal. Take them out to eat or to a bar.

I also thought being in the bridal party meant they should help you with planning stuff. I'm not saying they should find your vendors and stuff. But when I'm in a wedding I expect to help with stuff and want too. Whether that is going to look at flowers or pick out decorations. If the fiancd doesn't want too. Or go to an engagement party. I think that's the point of being in a bridal party. Support and help.

Thank you notes. I don't care to get them if I gave you a gift or give them. They're a waste of time and money if I can personally tell you thank you in person or call/text. I would like a text or phone call more than a note in the mail.

Well this was a random rant. Just didn't know if some on here feel the same way about just not being so darn set in traditional ways and having to do something a certain way

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62 Comments

Expert May 2018
xRApril · on June 14, 2018 at 8:29 AM
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You’re saying you’re not asking them to pay for the alcohol but if they must have it they will have to pay for it. That’s literally asking them to pay for the alcohol 😂😂
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Champion November 2016
LB · on June 14, 2018 at 9:01 AM
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Unsolicited advice? You're literally on a wedding advice forum....
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Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on June 14, 2018 at 10:03 AM
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When I first started posting on here, I was astounded at how many people had no idea of proper etiquette, much less just being polite to guests. I'm no longer astounded and this post shows why. Sadly, it appears manner have gone out of fashion for a huge number of people.
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Super September 2018
Allie · on June 14, 2018 at 10:39 AM
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Hey look! I think you just fall in the "nontraditional" category! Which is totally fine! Everyone is allowed to feel how they want, and i think a lot of the things your mentioned are based on how things are "usually" done, and its fine if you dont want to do YOUR wedding like that! good luck girl
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Expert March 2019
Taylor · on June 14, 2018 at 10:44 AM
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Yes ma’am, I am. A “forum” doesn’t mean advice necessarily. It’s for discussions. Which is why I don’t understand why, when people don’t agree with what someone says, whynot just keeping it moving. They say how it’s not the proper etiquette or it’s distasteful and rude. It’s like if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it all. I think people tend to forget that everyone is in different states all over the world, as well as different cultures. So what may be the norm or “etiquette” for one, is not the same for another. People can get so rude on here. I don’t alwyas agree with everything I read, but I don’t have to say that. I just politely click on another discussion. People can be so rude on here when they don’t agree with someone’s choices or decisions and honestly it’s sad. We are all on here for one common thing and it shouldn’t be like that. So yes , unsolicited advice
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on June 14, 2018 at 10:53 AM
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Again, this is not a support group.
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Expert March 2019
Taylor · on June 14, 2018 at 10:57 AM
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Lol no where in there did I say anything about a support group. I stated facts. Period. Have a nice day.
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VIP September 2018
BB-H · on June 14, 2018 at 11:38 AM
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I've seen people very kindly express that someone might be doing something (inadvertently) against etiquette and have someone else throw a tantrum because not everyone agrees with them.
ETA
It seems like everyone throws the word "rude" around and it's mostly the people who don't understand what etiquette actually is.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on June 14, 2018 at 11:51 AM
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All of tthhhhhhiiiiisssss!
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Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on June 14, 2018 at 11:56 AM
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This^^^100%. I am an "older" bride here, early 50's and I am, frankly, amazed at both the high level of proper and kind manners exhibited on this forum, and I am also amazed at the few attitudes of "Hey it is MY DAY!" thinking. Yes it is your day, with your groom, but when you invite at least one other person it becomes about them, too.
I would never invite people to my home, or any other event I am sponsoring and charge for food, drink and put out a jar for a trip I am taking this summer, or a new car I want. I did not invite people to my home for my birthday and walk around in jammie bottoms, no makeup and ask them to bring food and drink because "Hey it MY day!" (I do that most Saturdays anyway but I am alone, lol.)
Per tipping: when I was single I measured a guy by his tipping. Cheap tipper or no tipper? No thanks, we are too different.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on June 14, 2018 at 12:17 PM
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I think it more just depends on how important traditional etiquette is. We have differing opinions, which is totally fine! I've been to self catered weddings, weddings with cash bars, weddings with honeyfunds, and I still enjoyed them! As a bridesmaid, I've helped whenever I was asked. I'm also helping plan my bachelorette party, but not bridal shower. I do however, plan on tipping vendors and plan on sending thank you cards. I think thanking people for giving you a gift is pretty necessary. But again, that's just me! It's different in every friend and family group.
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Dedicated September 2018
Lindsey M. · on July 7, 2018 at 2:21 AM
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I just asked for opinions on my honeymoon fund jar and got roasted by like 10 etiquette ladies on here 😂 I’m registered under Honeyfund, which is a way to gift different parts of your honeymoon. So I’m already registered at target and this Honeyfund website, therefore we’re already asking for gifts. I don’t understand why a jar can be so offensive.

im doing it anyway 😂
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Devoted August 2018
Jamie · on July 7, 2018 at 2:26 AM
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If 10 of 10 reviews on amazon tell you a product is bad....do you just ignore them and go ahead and order it anyway? These are disinterested people that have decades of wisdom and experience. They gain no benefit from advising you, they aren't attending your wedding. They are simply advising you how to be an excellent hostess and good example. Yet you insult them...and call yourself a Christian? Perhaps you need some time to reflect.
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Dedicated September 2018
Lindsey M. · on July 7, 2018 at 2:40 AM
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If people call my guests gossipers or assume they know the people we are inviting, I will tell them they are wrong and acting snobby. That is called “the truth”. If that is insulting to them, that’s unfortunate. I think you need time to reflect on the fact that your way isn’t necessarily the right way. For the record—I’ve purchased highly rated things and absolutely hated them. So I’m going to continue to do what I’d like, because several couples have done these cute little honeymoon funds at their weddings and not one person I spoke to about it had anything poor to say. They didn’t think the wedding was a money grab, or that it was rude. I know the people I’m inviting and I’ve seen the majority of them at other weddings. Therefore, your opinion is insignificant to me.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on July 7, 2018 at 7:33 AM
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But if you’re going to do whatever you’re going to do anyway, what’s the point in asking for advice? What a waste of your and everyone on here’s time if you don’t care for opinions and are just seeking validation for your awful idea.
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Dedicated September 2018
Lindsey M. · on July 7, 2018 at 9:34 AM
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I didn’t ask for advice. I asked for any ideas on how to make the jar pretty. Not if I should do it or not
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Just Said Yes October 2018
JD · on August 13, 2018 at 1:57 PM
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I agree with you on a lot of things, except thank you notes! Those are so incredibly important! They take, time, money, effort, and energy and mean so much more than a text. I don't think younger people care as much, but me being more traditional, I care! And I can promise that if you don't send them, you will be in the doghouse with all your great aunts. My cousin had a baby shower three years ago and my Grandma still complains that she never got a thank you card for her gift.
But other than that, I totally get you. Having an open bar is not nessecary and if it's not as many people, cooking it yourself is not a bad option at all. (Some people warn that w/o professional catering, your guests may get food poisoning, but that's so incredibly unlikely, especially if you have a team like all your cousins working on it. I've been to many a party where the family cooks potluck style and we've never had problems).
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Just Said Yes October 2018
JD · on August 13, 2018 at 2:08 PM
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In my family, it seems like the reason we have weddings is similar to a coming of age party or a baby shower- to support the central person in this new stage of their life, and celebrate it. And that really comes with the expectation of giving them money and gifts, to help adjust to this new stage. Charging for food isn't something we'd do, but putting out a money jar is something more encouraged than tacky. Very interesting to see other perspectives on this though!
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Just Said Yes October 2018
JD · on August 13, 2018 at 2:14 PM
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We had an anniversary party for my grandparents a few years back with about 100 people (maybe a little more but definitely no less) and my aunts and uncles, just four people, did all the cooking. It ended up great and no one got sick. Of course nothing was high risk foods, but I think it would have been unlikely for anything to go wrong, and even if it did, it's not like anyone would have sued us! If you're inviting a guest to your wedding who you think would sue you over food, then maybe don't invite them? Just a thought?
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Master August 2019
Tpatb · on August 13, 2018 at 2:24 PM
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I can’t be 100% accountable for anyone but myself. Food poisoning can be a very serious issue & cooking in the comfort of your home is different than a venue. I have an aunt who cooks the food, but she is also a professional caterer. If this is the route you are going, good for you! I simply stated what I (as in myself) would rather do because I want things to run smoothly & I want my guests/family to be guests (not hired help). Inviting a close friend/family member has nothing to do w/ somoene suing bc they were ill due to a mishap. If you look up the more severe cases, it’s pretty serious..so that’s just my thought. I don’t want to ruin potential relationships over something that is 100% avoidable. It’s not a casual cookout..it’s my wedding. But again, I said I only said what the concern was for MY event.
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