Unsupportive family members

That's a tough one! You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it with your fiancé. It is important that he supports you because how he reacts to this will set the tone for how he will support you for the rest of the relationship/life. I agree that someone who is going to act that out rightly rude and disrespectful shouldn't be invited let alone IN the wedding party. You fiancé needs to speak to his brother about his behavior and set a boundary. Just because he is his brother doesn't mean he can act any way he wants. He has decided to marry you, he either needs to accept it and keep his mouth shut or he needs to remove himself or be removed. Family can be toxic too!!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response ❤️

Yes this is definitely a situation of you and your FH needing to be on the same page. He needs to understand how his brother’s words hurt you and his reaction to that info will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. I hope he steps up. Good luck!

This will yake time, and pushing him will likely alienate him. He should be at your wedding if your FI wants him there, and o er time ha will accept you better if you are not seen as taking big brother away. I also wonder if he might be unhappy ha ing his brother and fiance, as a couple, visit his place. Past experience with bro or other guys may have included couples who are all over each other and separate from him make uncomfortable houseguests, his discomfort. His home, respect that. And remember it when your parents or inlaws want to spend a 2 week vacation with you, and you are thinking motel for them. Or this young bro may act permanently entwined with some girlfriend, in the future. Too much possibly going on to say he does mot support his brother. Invite him. Remember, family do not have to like you or want you. What is necessary, to start, from family members, is a general acceptance that whoever he wants, they will act civil at least. Friendly and loving come later. Being welcomed to stay in hos home, can come later, too.

This is the 1st time ever I read/ hear about a someone who doesn't like a sibling's partner because they are takim him/her away from them. It's usually a parents thing.
I agree with you when you say someone who is unsupportive shouldn't be invited.
The fact he is his bro shouldn't matter at all.I noticed that the fact that one (or more) parent(s) is(are) not invited due to various reasons,is more common than you think: didn't like their kid's/sibling's partner, didn't have a relationship with their own child/sibling ,because their ex-spouse or the ex's partner is invited, they don't like the fact their kid/sibling is gay or lesbian,or is marying someone of another race etc ... I mean you don't have to invite anyone , not even your own siblings if you don't want them. Your feelings should come first. Period.When 2 people want to get married, they promise to have each other's back AT ALL TIMES. If he doesn't want to do this for you, it's a red flag in my opinion. May be I'm wrong and he would kick him out for you if asked?

View Quoted Comment That's what I was thinking. I feel bad for not wanting him there but he said him self he doesn't support it but he will be there. I do t want to be dramatic about it

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response

View Quoted Comment Both you and your man want to be the bigger persons , that's great.
However: he should have a serious talk with him and set some strong boundaries. 21 year-old or not. Your man doesn't belong to him, unless I missed an episode ...
Because avoiding drama/ strained relationship with in-laws doesn't allow them to behave that way.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response. I've never even met the brother. I don't know why he's so against me unless my fiance is talking about me behind my back but I'm pretty sure that's not the case

Talking of strong boundaries, OP is upset because she and FI assumed it would be okay to stay in brother's home, when brother has never met her. To hold that against him, is to say he cannot have say about who stays in his home, without being judged as hostile. That is FI of OP crossing brother's boundaries, assuming what he shouldn't, free lodgings . Then talking behind brother's back. I don't see anything wrong that younger brother has done.

View Quoted Comment You're right about OP and FI assuming they would stay in brother's house when he has never met OP.
However what's wrong with the brother's reaction is: " my fiance asked his brother why he has a problem with me, he said he said he doesn't but then went on and on about how we're moving too fast and doesn't see why he wants to marry me." And "His brother is upset because I took him away".

If future brother in law says you are moving too fast in relationship then he nerds to decline the best man position. You do not stand as an attendant when you do not support the union.

Fiance and you need to be on the same page. Have a heart to heart and stop planning until you come to an agreement.

View Quoted Comment I do think the younger brother has issues letting go of his older brother. That is a process that takes some time and some assurance, when a pair of siblings are close, or at least the younger one strongly wants to keep his older brother free to be his adult friend. But that very common issue is usually dealt with by spending time with the younger brother ( or sister) and intoducing her. And doing things together to make friends.Here, the groom has never even introduced his fiancee to his younger brother. And she is talking about excluding bro from the wedding? Not having done the courtesy of meeting or spending te with younger bro, jumping to excluding him as not supportive is bizarre. Maybe he feels excluded already that they are planning a life together, and have not introduced her to him. All of these things, respecting the boundaries of his home, or the merging of two families are 2 way streets. And to exclude him for being non supportive when Groom has never even introduced her, is the strangest yet, to me.

View Quoted Comment This! wonder why the bro still wants to be the best man and also ... why her fiance still wants his bro to be in the wedding party.

View Quoted Comment Sure ... I get you point. The groom has never introduced his fiance to him , that's weird because " recently started living together back in September, then we moved from Utah to Texas in December." He had 3 months to do so.
I totally agree that he doesn't have to house her, and he still wants them to have a close relationship.
However , the fact the bro haven't met her doesn't allow him to ask "why do you wanna marry her? " Or "you're moving too fast". It's even the reason why he shoudn't be that rude.
Plus: I don't think she forced the groom to move to TX or to marry her. The little bro's fellings are valid ... So are the bride's ones,in my opinion."And she is talking about excluding bro from the wedding?": Nothing wrong with the " don't invite someone who is unsupportive" thing, however you skipped this:
"but I also don't want to ban any family or hurt my fiance". Sounds like she trully wants to avoid drama and hurt his man, she's definitely not insensitive/a bridezilla.

Do you really feel comfortable giving him as important of a role as the best man? You don't have to uninvite him or anything but the best man is a pretty key person in a wedding. What is he going to say in his wedding speech? Sometimes it's no one's fault if people don't see eye-to-eye. And when they don't see eye-to-eye, you don't have to force it. It probably won't be nice for either of you on your wedding day if he ends up being the best man. My advice is to find an alternative best man. Don't put blame anywhere. I think in these situations it's not about what's right or wrong, but what might work or not work. And definitely don't uninvite him to the wedding, that would just cause unnecessary strife.