Unsupportive Family

What’s missing from the story?

Why aren’t they supportive of your marriage? Is there any reason for them to feel like they shouldn’t? Or are they just being stubborn?

View Quoted Comment My dad has that "this is my little girl" mindset like all dads but my sister and grandparents aren't supportive because he doesn't come from money

View Quoted Comment Well that’s really unfortunate and unfair for them to be unsupportive for reasons like that. I’m sure your dad will come around, it’s just probably hard to accept that his little girl is getting married. I would definitely try to reach out to him and just explain that you’re still going to be around, but you really want him to be there on that day and be happy for you because you couldn’t imagine getting married without him. When it comes to your sister and grandfather that’s a little different, I know you know them better than I do, so is there any way they could come around for your FH if you just explain how happy he makes you and that money isn’t a priority for you?

View Quoted Comment We've all had discussions about it but I've told them that they either come around or don't but that it's still happening. I've told them that I'm the one marrying him and dealing with him for the rest of our lives not them 🤷‍♀️

“Come from money” as in they want you to marry an heir to a fortune? That seems....extreme.


Now my daughter dated a young man for a few years that I highly disapproved of and she would say it was about money. It was in a sense - I saw a very hard life for her because he refused to work and played video games all day - and she worked two jobs to keep him in the custom to which he felt entitled to. His family made it even harder because they frequently had “emergencies” that she felt obligated to help bail them out of.
Thankfully she tired of it but it was after four years and am empty bank account.
If your parents and friends don’t approve of him, the best way for them to change their minds is so see him treat you well and see that you both have plans for a successful future.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I agree with you! If you have no issue with it then I don’t understand why they’re still fighting it. You’re clearly all in on your relationship, so it’s the least they could do to just support you. I’m really sorry, and I truly hope they do come around. Maybe extend invites to them for the wedding and see what happens. I just wouldn’t want to regret not including my family and at least knowing you did everything you could’ve done and that it’s completely on them. But if you think they’ll just ruin the day for you and your FH then it might not be worth it, so it’s just really what will make you happier on your day

View Quoted Comment Glad she finally got rid of him! My grandparents paid $500,000 in cash for a lake house and also have a beach house so that's the kind of money they want him to have. He and I have been together for almost 6 years and are on our second baby 😊

View Quoted Comment It sounds like they are more traditional - which is expected in families with multigenerational wealth. That’s how they concentrate assets and wealth. They - and your best friend - very likely see him in a less than favorable light for not marrying you before now. Even if you were the one that wanted to wait for marriage, grandparents wouldn’t see it that way.
Not saying it’s fair, but I know my grandmother, solid middle class old New Englander, would have seen it as a man not “doing the right thing.”
The best cure for that is for them to see him as a supportive hard working father and husband, and you and the children safe and happy.

View Quoted Comment My grandparents had my mom at 16 before marriage so they shouldn't have an opinion but still do. Also, he's not the same race so that's caused some tension with people

View Quoted Comment Did they get married as soon as they were legally able to? That might be part of the issue?

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately it mostly comes down to the fact that I'm marrying outside my race. You know how things were back in their day which I can't blame them for

View Quoted Comment If they are truly awful racist people, then the wedding will be better without them.
If it’s that they think you can do “better” for whatever reason, seeing you and their grandchildren live a happy life with a supportive husband and father will be what wins them over.

View Quoted Comment Are you positive that race plays a factor?! I've mentioned this before: My FH's brothers LOVE playing the race card and saying this is why their significant others' families don't like them. Lol I just smile and nod while thinking in my head "really? It has nothing to do with the fact that you're in your 40s and you work an entry level job, live with roommates and have children by different baby mamas and you never raised your children nor lived with them?!"

I would tell them the date and invite them and leave it up to them to decide wether they want to be a part of your special day or not. This way they can never hold it against you that you “never invited them”. If your FH is a hard worker, kind, treats you well and have goals set for the future and you both love each other unconditionally then other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. There will always be people out there who you won’t get approval from or be good enough for but don’t let them control you and how you live your life. You love who you love. And I sort of understand where you’re coming from except it sort of vice versa. My soon to be husband is Caucasian and I’m Asian and I’m sure certain people wish we were marrying within our race but that’s none of their business. Also, I grew up poor I’m actually a first generation American but put myself through school so that I could live a better life than I grew up living in. My soon to be husband and I are both middle class. We’re not rich by any means but most Americans aren’t so it’s a little unrealistic of your grandparents and family to disapprove because he doesn’t come from money or he’s not the same race as you. Your FH doesn’t control being born into a certain economic class nor does he control what race he was born into, none of us do. What we can control is how we treat people and how we can make the most out of our life. Hopefully someday your family can see that. If not, it’s their loss. Do wants right for you and your FH, you don’t need anyone’s approval. It’s your life, you’re responsible for the quality of it and that means who you want to marry and who you want in it.

View Quoted Comment I'm pretty certain since I've been told my whole life including when they found out he and I started hanging out that "you can be friends with blacks but nothing more than that" and they openly have used the N word my whole life and called black people thugs. The first thing my grandma asked was if my baby was going to mixed which I feel is irrelevant

View Quoted Comment Okay fair enough. Just wanted to clarify

Unfortunately some people aren't always supportive. As long as no one is being manipulated or abused, there shouldn't be any issue but you can't put your life on hold to please others either.

If they are being racist and unsupportive, they don't sound like the kind of people you want around you on your wedding day. Family is just an accident of DNA.

If it makes you feel any better, my mother and her family didn't attend our wedding because they didn't like the invitations.

We had a fabulous time without them.

View Quoted Comment

Well this is truly unfortunate. Sometimes family does not give the support we would like and eventually it causes stress. Added stress and anxiety really isn't something you need at this time. If they are not supportive of you, you are not obligated to invite them to your wedding. I would send them a save the date anyway, but proceed with your plans as if they will not be in attendance. You then have done your part in extending the olive branch.