This doesn't even really pertain to my wedding but it's weighing heavy on my heart and I just need a safe place to unload it. It's gonna be a long one so thank you if you read the whole thing.
One of my first posts on WW was about my FMIL wanting to be included in wedding planning and being a little rude about it cause we weren't really (and still aren't) planning anything cause our wedding is well over a year away. We also do not get along very well, she doesn't like my "attitude" and I don't care for hers. A lot of the advice I had received was to move out of her home, well we're now doing that.
FH and I have been together for 6 years, and just got engaged Christmas 2020. We have been living with his parents for about 5 years. Well we have found our first home and are closing on it next Friday and are so excited to really start our lives together. We are moving about 45 minutes away from his parents, 30 from mine but only 2 minutes from his brother and SIL who just welcomed our first nephew into the world last week.
Every time someone mentions us moving, FMIL gets defensive that we're "leaving her" and "don't want to be near her" instead of just being happy that her youngest son is purchasing his first home at 24 years old. I wasn't letting it bother me, while yes, the distance is appreciated, we're not moving to be away from her, we're moving to be closer to FH's brother, her oldest son. Her and FH work for the same company so it's not like she's never going to see him again, because she also HATES the drive up to where we're moving even tho it's really not that bad, but she refuses to drive it.
FH and I have been packing for a couple weeks, she gets mad every time we say we're leaving something and ask her what she wants us to do with it instead of just throwing it out like we want to. FH played baseball when he was younger and has a shadow box from when he played in Cooperstown, FH doesn't want it and she cried that he didn't want it, she doesn't understand that not everyone holds the same sentimental value to objects that she does.
FH took every thing off the walls in our room and filled in all the nail holes, she asked him if he would paint the room he told her no, we both work full time so don't have time to paint, his room is HUGE and we would need to buy multiple gallons of paint for the room which we don't really want to spend the money on since we're ya know buying a house, and we also don't know what their plans for his room is after we move. We already painted their entire upstairs since we were the only one's living on the second floor and FH was bored during quarantine, and redid the upstairs bathroom all on our own dime. She huffed and puffed that we wouldn't paint, while her other two sons left their bedrooms a complete mess when they moved out.
Anyway, the thing that really got me, is she's openly being rude and uninterested about us moving to other people. She went up to FBIL's house on Sunday to meet her first grandchild. My SIL's mom had asked her how our house hunting was going as she knew we were looking to move closer, FMIL ignored her, so SIL told her we got a house. SIL's mom then asked again FMIL if we had a closing date, SIL told her we were closing May 7th, FMIL stated she "didn't know this" , SIL mom trying to make conversation said "oh so they must have gotten an inspection" SIL told her we did and it went well, FMIL rudely stated "oh I didn't know that" all while moping about us moving.
FMIL knew ALL of this, we told her when our offer was accepted, and showed her the house, just last week we were reshowed her pictures of the house.. The day of our inspection she threw an absolute hissyfit because we didn't invite her to come, we told her a week in advance when the inspection was, and she at no point showed she would have liked to attend. We didn't invite her to be spiteful (which is what she thinks) but we really didn't invite her because 1. it was at 3:30 on a Friday when she works until 5, 2. She complains everytime she has to drive to the town we're moving to, and 3. She wouldn't have offered anything to the inspection, the only person we invited was my dad because I was going alone since FH had to work, and my dad knows more than I do about houses so I wanted him there to ask the questions I wouldn't.
It's hurtful to know that she's even acting like this about our moving to people not in our immediate family, it's more hurtful that she can't just put on a face and be proud and excited that her youngest child is making this big move in his life. She wants us to go out to dinner (by us I mean FFIL, FMIL, FH and myself) to "Celebrate" the birth of our nephew, but they don't want us to go out to celebrate our home purchase. I don't know why I'm hurt or surprised cause this behavior is normal for her, she hasn't cut the cord on FH yet, and I think she resents me for being in his life. But how could you not be happy for your child moving forward in life, especially when FH and her aren't very close as he can't stand her cause she smothers.
Sorry this is long. I just need to get this off my chest. May 7th can't come soon enough.
