Using Text Messages to Enhance Your Marriage

I like texts for reminders, like please run the dishwasher or I'll be late home tonight. Fun lovely messages or memes are also cute. But most of the time I think you can wait to talk in person for important stuff.

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My husband and I love to send memes to one another as a form of joy. We also send "thinking of you" and "I love you" messages all of the time.

Definitely! Texting is huge for keeping me sane while FH is at work (he’s a firefighter) His typical shifts are 48 hours on 96 off, but there’s some weeks that he can end up being at work for 120 hours straight. Being able to text throughout the day and say goodnight before bed makes it much easier for me. The days I barley hear from him are the hardest.

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Ugh, I completely understand. I couldn't imagine not texting my husband when he's away at work.

I generally agree with all the rules, except for number 10. Because I am a perpetual avoider on tough conversation, it is easier for me to start a conversation via text.... Like hey tonight we need to discuss xyz. But generally we send lots of affirmations, articles we find interesting, reminders, and the like.

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I think it's okay to give your partner a heads up that a tough conversation needs to happen but I don't think you should have those tough conversations via text. Tone and emotion can be misinterpreted in a text message which can lead to a bigger disagreement.

I think texts for fun cute messages or reminders can be great. I also think it’s a decent way of communicating throughout the day of calling is not an option. My venue owner sent this to me the other day. I think It’s a great example of the dos. A cute and loving message sent to answer a question she asked her hubby for me.

View Quoted Comment My fiancé is also a firefighter and texting is definitely the easiest way to communicate during those long shifts!

I agree with the lists. I think they are helpful as guidelines. I think especially for the second list that having self-control and waiting to speak face to face is better. It's so easy for a text to get taken out of context, tone issues, misunderstandings and clarifications, etc. Sometimes it's tricky when there are long work shifts or other distance issues where text is all that's available so that's why I think it should be remembered as a guideline rather than a list of rules.

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Sending little love notes through texts are the best.

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I completely agree with you.

I don't entirely agree with the don'ts because my FH has communication barriers (he has Asperger's) and though it is only mild, texts are super helpful in communicating. When we are in a fight and I have to go to work or vice versa. I will sit, cool off and send him a detailed message about what is bothering me and what I wish he would have done or what I think can be fixed. It gives him the time to read through it and carefully consider the right thing to say as well as explain himself. It leaves no room to cut one another off. Also, because of his Asperger's, in person he shuts down if he feels like he is in trouble or knows he did something wrong. We just find that sending a text is better sometimes. We don't misinterpret the tones or anything like that, we have been together long enough to just know I guess. Granted, when we are not at work and have time to hash things through, we do it in person and try to just talk one person at a time. all in all though, I think the best communication for disagreements for US is texting because it helps him understand better and gives us time to not over react.

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Thank you for sharing this perspective. I can definitely understand why all the guidelines don't work for your relationship. As always, do what is best for you.