Vent! Guests wanting to invite other guests

Hi FutureMrsD. I understand where you and many others are coming from, saying that all significant others should be invited. Unfortunately we don't have the budget to accommodate for everyone's boyfriend and girlfriend, otherwise we would've had to leave out a few of our loved ones that we definitely want in attendance. Married and engaged couples were invited, no doubt about it. We had to make some tough decisions with the rest of our guests in relationships. Ultimately we chose to prioritize those in long-term relationships (defined by those who were in a relationship at the time we got engaged in December 2018) and those living with their significant others.

Preaching to the choir here. It seems not everyone has the same view point as us and thinks that just because someone is in a relationship, they're entitled to a guest at my wedding. This is not any party where you bring a date. This is a WEDDING, where those in attendance are there to celebrate the newlyweds. If you don't know either of us, how can you truly celebrate us?

I actually recently got invited to a wedding where my mom and brother knew the groom well. They ended up inviting me, mom, dad, and my brother. I guess they were trying to be nice by inviting me, but I just thought it was weird since I know of them, but I don't know them if you know what I mean haha. I won't be going to that one.

You're absolutely right, just because I don't think it's rude doesn't mean others won't think it's rude. However, rudeness is not objective, it's subjective based on different perceptions, cultures, and other various factors. Regardless, as I mentioned before, based on my research we are following proper etiquette guides that married, engaged, or cohabitating couples should be invited as a unit. If my resources are not correct, please inform me of a source that states all significant others should be invited as a unit. We did not make a mistake with our invites. Our guest list is our guest list for a reason. Everyone's financial and personal circumstances and limitations are different, which is why what works for me may not work for you, and vice versa.

Haha, I feel like those types of invites are ones where the bride and groom are actually hoping you'll decline, but they felt they had to invite you to be polite. I gotta admit, as much as I tried to avoid having those guests on my list, I ended up with a couple of those "pity invites" to avoid burning any bridges.

Me on the opposite hand, FH recently attended his cousin's wedding (across the country) last month and I wasn't invited. Granted, we weren't engaged yet when the invites were sent out, but we had been together for about 7 years by then. His other cousin did not invite me to either of her weddings (also both across the country) at the time FH and I were together for about 2 years and 6 years respectively. I've never met either of them because we don't live anywhere near each other, so of course it makes sense that they had to do what they had to do for their budget and their guest list. No hard feelings. We happily invited both his cousins and their husbands to our wedding. Now, if we were married and I hadn't been invited, that would be a totally different message received.

Long story short, this is why I am always so surprised there are people who feel they are entitled to receive an invitation. In my opinion, it's a very selfish opinion to have because weddings are so expensive!

The only people that "need" to be there are you, FS and an officiant. Other than that, it's your wedding. You've put thought into this, and your logic makes sense to me. As to the actual question, I think your venue would object to people coming for the drinking/dancing portion that aren't in your final headcount, regardless of whether they ate or not. You could always offer to open it up to them if people decline, but B-listing is another touchy subject around here (though I've been B-listed before and never batted an eyelash at it).

Yeah, I've been "surprised" before by not being invited to a high school friend's wedding, but now that I'm planning my own I totally get it. Way too expensive.

THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY READING ANYTHING I WROTE OTHER THAN WHEN I MENTIONED THE GIRLFRIEND WAS NOT INVITED.

Of course we didn't just willy nilly choose not to invite someone's girlfriend. There were several reasons that went into our decision, whether others agree with it or not.

I would say "I'm so sorry, but our venue does not allow for us to account differently for guests regardless if they do or do not attend dinner. We are already at capacity and won't be able to accommodate any additional guests. We hope that you will still be able to come and celebrate with us!"

Curious to know what are some of the more abrasive things that you have come up with? Also 100% agree that you do not need to invite your FH's Friend's Brother's girlfriend... Thats so removed from from your friends (I imagine), I think its super rude that he even asked, and thought it would be appropriate for them to not even come to your ceremony but allow you to pay for their drinks all night.

Your wrong SO and GF are the same people their status can change at any given moment and you've wasted time including them now what do you do if the status change and he move on and want to bring his new thing but the old thing feel invited already.....leave them out

You don't owe nobody an explanation your not wrong its your day your money your event do as you please

I would politely tell them no! I had 2 family members not even ask and just add random people to the rsvp. I had to call them tell them no.

I agree it was a rude thing for your guest to do, and agree that a discussion with the person is definitely required. If they aren't going to take up a seat or a meal, MAAAAAAYBE, but they'll probably still be drinking (soda or alcohol), so you'll have to take that into account (not everybody has an open or cash bar. Some people pay per what people drink). Also, if the invite didn't specifically include a plus one (not everybody is allowed to bring a plus one), then that just means no.

Good luck!