Venting 1.2.3.4

I think this depends on your relationship and what you need help with.
I’m definitely the planner in our relationship so it made sense that I would plan the majority of it, especially since I love planning.
I just thought my husband would need to be there for some of the big ticket stuff like venue, food/cake tasting, picking his tux etc. I also just wanted to make sure that he didn’t hate anything I picked so I tried to show him decor pictures to make sure that we were on the same page.

View Quoted Comment Thank you im just overwhelmed with wedding planning my wedding is in August and we still have even bother to look at wedding invitations together.

And none of my bridesmaid are no help

Bridesmaids aren’t responsible for planning. You aren’t marrying yourself so fiancé needs to help or let him know there won’t be a wedding.


Many men are into food/alcohol/music instead of dresses and flowers so they help with planning those details.
Invites don’t need to be ordered until 4-6 months before the wedding, around the same time you ask your bridesmaids to be in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Have you spoken to your fiancé about this and asked him for help?

Maybe pick a few invitations you like and show him. I found giving my husband options helpful rather than just saying we need to do this.

For us, I discussed vision with my fiancé, and then I handled most of the initial planning steps, like picking a list of possible companies and getting quotes. From there, I brought my top picks to my fiancé and we picked together. His suit and our DJ were the only exceptions; I told him I’d offer input, but it was totally his call. All of this worked really well for us because he was still involved with every decision and it feels as much his wedding as it does mine, but it felt very balanced and he didn’t have to spend hours on wedding wire, which he wouldn’t have enjoyed nearly as much as I did, haha.


I’d say have a conversation with your fiancé that you’re feeling overwhelmed and would like some help. Maybe give him a few big ticket vendors and ask him to do the heavy lifting. For invitations specifically, I agree with a previous commenter - pick a few you like and let him pick.

View Quoted Comment Thank you soo much for this I appreciate never thought I will become one of those bridezillas😂🤦🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Haha, do not worry - you are not a bridezilla for wanting your fiancé to help!

I am planning ours basically 100%, but that works for our relationship and our dynamic. I am a planner to the nth degree. I like handling details and logistics, he doesn't. I just kinda run some things by him and show him things and he says yes lol

Not much… thank goodness! 😆 Just his attire, some song selections, food tasting and agreeing or disagreeing with wedding ideas that I show him. But, planning events isn’t his thing, but it’s totally mine! So, nope, I don’t expect him to (all of a sudden) be interested in details of flowers, napkin colors, timelines, cake designs, etc.

View Quoted Comment That's my situation I feel like a wedding planner i told him his opinion matters too

Before the wedding, he was in charge of creating the playlists: pre-ceremony classical music, dinner music, and dancing music. On the day of the wedding, his only job was to be on time lol After the wedding, he helped by writing some of the thank-you notes and addressing the envelopes.

I’ve planned a majority of our wedding. We picked the venue (which changed due to Covid). We did our food and cake tasting and of course we selected our first dance song together. He was also in charge of follow up RSVPS for his family and selecting his tux. We spoke about it before planning, because we are also building a house that in doing the full design on and knew it would be stressful. He offered to help in any manner, but didn’t need me to run ever detail by him. Which actually took the stress off! Most boys don’t love this stuff (as much as we wish they did). I never even ran the invites by him lol

Hey Gina: I am a groom!!

1) I definitely agree with Michelle: Bridesmaids (and MOH) aren’t responsible for planning (unless they offer to help but if they don't, you shouldn't expect this). "You aren’t marrying yourself so fiancé needs to help or let him know there won’t be a wedding": YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS to this. It's his day too , he has to help,you out when you ask.

I knew from the get go (and I made it VERY,EXTREMELY clear to my fiancée) that:

1) I didn't want our parents to be involved at all (opinionated, always give negative feedbacks/backlash when you disagree with them ...)

2) I wanted to be involved in the planning and decision-making , I didn't and still don't want to take the lead but at least have a 50% say,especially with the biggest decisions: we made all big decisions together after setting the budget: the date , venue,the ceremony (style and structure), food & drinks, cake flavors, photography.

However: I'm in the minority because ... I have an opinion on almost everything, including centerpieces,decor, flowers LOL! She made the call in most "small" decisions but always asked for my opinion and she did/is doing like Taylor: she brought/is bringing her top picks to me and we picked/are picking either together or alone (when I didn't /don't have an opinion, it happens too LOL).

She has never done anything behind my back and she considers my input (it doesn't mean she says yes to everything but I know she appreciates and considers my opinions), I'm grateful for that.

3) No: you're NOT a bridezilla, you're just super excited and I applaud the fact you want him to be involved because from what i've read on WW, many brides want to plan alone or with mom and/or bridesmaids & MOH but without their groom.

No you,re not a bridezilla for wanting him to participate,you consider it's his day too, not yours only, you just want your planning to be a way to bond with him!

4) I know many grooms don't care about planning because they only want to marry their bride and/or let them pick whatever they want to make them happy but he should at least help you out when you ask, he will enjoy the big day too, won't he?

View Quoted Comment This comment made me cry 😢 lmaoo I am soo overwhelmed i am so glad you are part of your fiance every little details did I mentioned my wedding date August 14 2021 😆🤦🏻‍♀️. That's why I am the way I am lmao but I spoke to him about it and he going to pinch in and take some tasks off my back .thank you so much for this post ! I appreciate your time and congratulations to all

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I couldn't imagine I would make you cry LOL.
I' m glad to know he is going to help.
Contrats to you too!

I love planning events/activities while my fiancé is more ‘go with the flow.’ I think she would be beyond satisfied with just having a videographer and photographer capturing us just having fun on the beach. I found that giving her a few options from my favorites helped in simplifying the process. I always made sure to run things past her first before bringing up those options though.


For example, she really wanted to have a videographer since we’re eloping and wanted to share the video with family and friends. I looked for videographers within our previously discussed budget. We decided on one recently and discussed what additional packages we wanted. She narrowed down the songs to set the mood, and I finalized our choices with the videographer after we settled on three.
We discussed vision for the wedding a few times, as well as color scheme and what was important. But I’m definitely more hands on with the planning. I really appreciate having a coordinator who’s helped in some planning. She’s a day-of coordinator but gave me a few hours of consultation as well. I’ve been really thankful for her continued help. She’s just been awesome!

The same amount of responsibilities you expect him to take in the household and with any children or pets you might have.

That is to say, it takes two to get married and to stay married, so he should be involved. DH and I did everything together except our attire, which we kept secret from each other.

I am not being facetious about this, either. How you plan a wedding is a really excellent precedent for how you manage your life together. If you end up doing all the work... guess who will ALWAYS be doing all the work?

He should be helping in all aspects.

(If he isn't, he better be PAYING for you to have help.)

View Quoted Comment But like I said, this works well for me/us/our dynamic! It seems like its not working so well for you since you're feeling overwhelmed and like you need his help, and thats fine! Just be honest and open with him and be very clear about what you need from him.


Like in your example of not looking at invitations together yet, I wouldn't expect my fiance and I to look at invitations together. He doesn't care about those little details. I will find a few I like for us and say "what about this one? This one?" and find the one he likes best out of the ones I picked. But if that's not enough involvement for you, tell your fiance exactly what you need from him! Y'all are now in this for LIFE, you need to be clear about your expectations in all areas of life going forward.