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Savvy November 2019

venting groom's parents want us to change dates?

Morgan, on March 28, 2018 at 4:23 PM Posted in Planning 0 46

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My FH's family keep forgetting we have set a date. We haven't sent out STD's yet because there's still 18mo between now and the big day, but we have told all our family and friends multiple times. They asked AGAIN if we picked a date and we told them again.
This time, his mom pulled it up on her calendar and started getting mad because it's a Monday. We picked it because it will be our 8th anniversary (and it works out the venue we want is $800 cheaper on weekdays). We explained this to her, and they just said "...but it's a Monday. That's not being considerate of us and people with jobs." As if he and I don't also have full time jobs? We both work 5-6 days a week, we get it weekdays are when people work. But we picked this date because it's special to us and it's not like we cant take a couple days off work.

My family and our friends have all been great about it and excited. It's just his family that keeps asking about it, asking if we're considering other days, trying to guilt us into changing it to the previous Sunday so more of his relatives can come (even though they aren't invited?). Also his sister just got engaged as well and now they're saying we might have to change our plans for her sake..... We got engaged first. Not to be mean, but Her plans have no influence on us. She's nice, but we aren't close, so I'm not about to ask her about her plans and change my plans accordingly.

Idk. Just venting. Getting really tired of them trying to give us their 2 cents when we aren't asking for opinions, we are telling you what's happening.

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46 Comments

Latest activity by happeningmom, on April 10, 2018 at 9:16 AM

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Mim · on March 28, 2018 at 4:26 PM
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Did you ask them if the date worked for them? Generally it's a good idea to ask Cups if the date works for them
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Master April 2017
Anne · on March 28, 2018 at 4:27 PM
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I mean, I wouldn't attend a Monday wedding if it was for anyone other than my immediate family/best friend - so I see their point. However, if they aren't paying they don't get final say on the date.
In my opinion, it would be the least desirable day to attend a wedding... 4 days of work left to go... I would leave at the latest by 9 pm if it was a local wedding.
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Super October 2018
Michelle · on March 28, 2018 at 4:39 PM
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It's rude of them to tell you to change any of your wedding plans because of his sister's new engagement. You were engaged first and made your plans first. If her plans happen to clash with your plans, that was her choosing to create that conflict and they should ask her to change, not you.

As for the wedding day, if they aren't offering to pay the $800 extra for a weekend, plus however much more every vendor charges for the wedding to be on a Sunday, then they should not complain or ask you to change the date.
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Savvy October 2018
Maggie · on March 28, 2018 at 4:41 PM
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If it's a really small wedding, it could be worth it to save the money. Otherwise she has a point. I wouldn't go to a Monday wedding unless it was for someone I was extremely close with. You're basically forcing people to take 2 days off of work.
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Expert October 2018
Deryn · on March 28, 2018 at 4:42 PM
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Agree with this. My FH and i wanted to get married this coming July as that is a special month for us (we started dating July 2016 and got engaged July 2017), but it was too inconvenient and clashed with other events for both families, so we chose a different month.
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VIP December 2017
Jessi · on March 28, 2018 at 4:44 PM
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It is totally fine to pick a date that is special to you, but if it comes on a non-traditional day, you do have to expect that you will get more declines and get more complaining. Since it seems like you are fine with this, you just say “thanks for your input but this is what we have decided” and go about your day. This will happen a lot during planning, trust me.
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VIP May 2018
Brianna · on March 28, 2018 at 4:46 PM
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Did you double check that a Monday would be okay with them before you booked the venue? Usually you make sure the date works with your VIPs before moving forward.
I wouldn't go to a Monday wedding either unless it was local or travel if it was immediate family only. Even then I would be leaving early because I would have almost a full week of work to go. One of FH's cousins is getting married on a Monday now, and they are probably a 2 hour flight away. I would have loved to have gone if it was a Saturday and required no time off, but the Monday would require 2 days off when we are limited on our vacation days.
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Devoted September 2018
2018 Bride · on March 28, 2018 at 4:47 PM
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Yeah agree that a Monday wedding is less than ideal. Also, your wedding date is going to be special whether it had prior significance to you or not. And if you change it to Sunday, your first day as newlyweds would be on your 9th anniversary. Still kind of has the connection but it makes it easier on your guests
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VIP January 2019
NVV2B · on March 28, 2018 at 4:51 PM
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Monday is really inconvenient for your guests. Not only do they have to use PTO, but they also have to go back to work the next day unless they take more time off.
Personally - I would only attend a Monday wedding for my sister, my future brother in law, or my best friend. Thats it.
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Savvy May 2018
Callie · on March 28, 2018 at 4:51 PM
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I'm getting married a Tuesday . Everyone thought it was strange but accepted it
Our was $2000 cheaper and the anniversary of our first date.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 28, 2018 at 5:05 PM
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Monday is inconvenient. But you claim their side of the family isn't invited - do they (parents) know that? You may want to mention that now, and not much later or they will tell these guests to plan to attend and then you are in a pickle. $800 isn't much of a savings (not trying to be snotty), but for the average wedding its maybe different flowers, or less decor to recoup that money. I think Sunday is definitely more ideal, but it is your day. Just be prepared for people to decline after you spent all of this money to host your guests.
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Just Said Yes April 2018
Amy · on March 28, 2018 at 5:11 PM
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A Monday wedding? Honestly, if the date is that important to you, why don't you get married at City Hall then throw a small party on the weekend? I'm not trying to be mean, but I can't imagine many people coming to a Monday wedding. Heck I hate Sunday weddings so I would just skip a Monday! Although a wedding is for you and your FH it is also for your guests, and this is just so inconvenient.
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Dedicated May 2018
Haleigh · on March 28, 2018 at 5:16 PM
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Yeah monday weddings arent very desirable. As a hair and makeup artist I wont even book them, I did one and the whole mood was just kind of a drag, not to be rude. But it seems like youre having a similar feel. What about a Friday wedding? Or even Thursday? If none of this appeals to you and its just the date you are after than its going to have to stand monday or not.
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Master August 2017
firstoneat56 · on March 28, 2018 at 5:18 PM
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I know you’re date is final but I do think it’s inconsiderate to pick a Monday for a wedding. Is having a wedding on the anniversary of your dating really more imporatant than the comfort of your guests?

The sister thing is wierd. Looks like they’re trying to find any excuse for you to change the date.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on March 28, 2018 at 5:28 PM
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Well, my parents’ 2 cents are important, we selected our date with ALL the parents’ input and everyone was on board. We would’ve changed it for any one of them.

Mondays are definitely tough. So, be prepared these inputs to continue (especially after save the dates go out and people start to plan and realize the day of the week). There are very few people in the world who I’d travel for a Monday wedding for, and I wouldn’t be happy about it UNLESS it was a proper destination wedding and I was making a vacation out of it (my bff will get married in Mexico and I don’t care at all what actual day it falls on, I’m spending the week!).
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July 1993
WED18 · on March 28, 2018 at 5:34 PM
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I have to agree with your FIL's that Monday is just not a good day and I'm surprised you didn't check with them first regardless if they are helping to pay or not. Whatever day you get married will become your new special day - it doesn't have to be exactly on your anniversary. Sounds like you and FH need to open the lines of communication better with his parents and make sure they understand who is and is not invited though. I agree with you on the sister thing though.
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on March 28, 2018 at 5:37 PM
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If it makes you feel better, we told FILs parents that we wanted a winter wedding and they straight up said “no. That’s not going to work”. We did end up letting them talk us out of it. The weather here is just too unpredictable to ask people to sacrifice their time and energy to get here. We listened to what they had to say and we realized how right they actually were (again for this area). So we went with September 22,2018. If you want your date then do it. But sometimes parents are literally just trying to help. Bottom line it’s your decision
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Just Said Yes April 2018
Amy · on March 28, 2018 at 5:38 PM
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Actually the more I think about it, the more I realize that saving $800 will probably not be worth the date choice. Although etiquette says guests that decline should give a gift, in our experience so far this is not the case. I can guarantee you will get more guests on a non-Monday and make up the difference in the gifts you receive. Are you having a super small wedding like 50 people and we are all overthinking this?
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Super January 2018
Miaaa · on March 28, 2018 at 5:52 PM
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This is totally out there..but I'm guess your date falls on a Sunday this year. If you're willing to do it and have money, why not get married this year instead? There's still plenty of time for wedding planning and you'd make your IL's happy without compromising on your date.
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Expert May 2018
J · on March 28, 2018 at 6:01 PM
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Your FH’s parents might be the only one complaining to your face about having your wedding on a Monday, but other people are definitely thinking that it’s inconvenient and complaining behind your back. I was invited to a friend’s out of town wedding on a Monday and was basically like “WTF? Um, no.” It was one of very few weddings I’ve been invited to that I didn’t attend (and I’ve been to over a dozen by now). But I didn’t say anything to the couple about it being odd. So maybe they are actually doing you a favor by being honest with you. $800 really isn’t that much to save in the scheme of things and you’re going to have a lots less people come and they will be inconvenienced and less happy about coming (unless perhaps you are only having a very small wedding with family and closest friends who mainly live in town).
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venting groom's parents want us to change dates?