Venting: why do family take it upon themselves to disregard your choices?!

Good for you for standing your ground. I hope she got the hint and plans the party that you want 😊

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Agree!!

Regardless of who's planning, your feelings come first since it's in your honor !

If I were any of your BM I would not have pushed back. I would simply refuse to go anywhere, cruise or winery, to a party that should have been planned in your honor by others, that you rudely planned for yourself. And whatever your reasons, it has ALWAYS, in any situation including as a bride, to plan a party in your own honor for yourself. Funny that you seem to think you should plan, and others who would normally do it, should shut up.

You are definitely not being unreasonable! This is your bachelorette party and your friends. When she gets married, she can go on a cruise for her bachelorette party. Continue to stand your ground. If she does not like what is planned, she can stay home .

By the way, I love the wine weekend trip idea! I would choose that over a cruise any day.

View Quoted Comment There is no rule that says that any pre-wedding events MUST be planned by the bridal party. The main issue here is that the group as a whole decided not to go on a cruise (also COVID is still a thing so thats a really smart decision), but then one person brought it back up again. If the bride has already said that she would rather do a winery, why should she just sit back and let someone plan something she's already told her she doesn't want?

I know the whole issue here is your family disregarding your wishes, and I'm sorry. It would be especially upsetting since your other BMs also prefer the winery over the cruise (I would, too!).


I love cruises, but during Covid I would never go on one. Plus, the CDC just put out this week that cruises cannot leave US ports until Nov. and I see your wedding is in Dec. so it seems a moot issue at this point. However, again, the issue is that your family/BM is not listening to what YOU want.

View Quoted Comment There is no rule against the bride herself planning her own Bachelorette party, as long as she is being considered of her bridal party then she can absolutely plan it herself. People plan their own birthday parties at bars all the time and nobody says a thing. Just because you are old school doesn't mean that is the way it has to be done or your wrong. Things have changed with time and I found that more bridesmaids would much rather take a back seat when it comes to planning things for the bride. If her friends are happy with the plans then there is simply no issue. It sounds like only one of her bridesmaids wants to do a cruise that nobody else wants and is trying to push for it. The bride is in the right for putting her foot down on a demanding bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment Bachelorette is either in the brides' honor, and guests going plan, whether BP or other. And pay brides share. Their decisions what to do, not the bride, like planning gifts for yourself.
Or ,party type 2 for Bridesmaids and may be others too, the bride does the planning , and then the bride is supposed to pay everything. ( many brides do this instead of thanking BM at a Rehearsal dinner.

Here, bride planned first trip, then second winery, even though she is not paying. So she takes all control, then is upset someone does not agree with her second plan, as though no one should comment on her plans. Unless bride is planning to pay the entire winery trip for all, she really has no business planning at all. But she is upset anyone else but her gets any say. Bride is being very over controlling.

View Quoted Comment Sorry, Judith, but I think you need to read the post again. OP said that a cruise was brought up, not planned, and that the bridal party was in agreement that that is not want they wanted to do. The idea of a cruise should have ended right there, when the BRIDAL PARTY was in agreement. Now one bridesmaid is brining it up again, not the entire party. So who's being over controling? Certainly doesn't sound like the bride.

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Lol what?

My fiancé and I have planned his entire bachelor weekend. And if my bridesmaids and MOH hadn't planned my bachelorette, I would have myself. Seriously, where the hell is this wedding manual? Do they have it on Amazon?

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Oh my gosh, did you even read this post? Who said she was planning something that her bridesmaids weren't comfortable with? Better yet, who said she wasn't planning to pay for anything? If you aren't going read a post and give a helpful response, why even chime in?

View Quoted Comment I jave been in several WP recently, and in 3 of them where the bbride tried to take over planning for her bachelorette, and in each one one (or all 4 in one WP) made it clear thay if she wanted to plan, no one was coming. Because it becomes like a bride taking control asking or demanding an exact gift for herself. And times Only on reality is such rudeness considered acceptable. changed that much. Most groups want to make the plans, if they are giving this gift to the bride. They do make snide or cutting remarks to brides who do it. People are not as accepting as you seem to think. As for birthday parties, it is still rude to throw those for yourself, too. TV and media push this be- as- rude- or- selfish- as- you - wanna- be line, and no, everone does not accept it.

View Quoted Comment Obviously you are much older than my crowd of people because that is old school. Nowadays it's perfectly acceptable for the bride to plan her own Bachelorette party. Stop living in the past. Hate to tell you but things have changed and yes this is one of those changes.

View Quoted Comment Yes, in the etiquette book or electronic etiquette book sections. Parties in a person's honor should never be planned by the one being honored. Not showers, not birthday parties, and not bachelor or bachelorette parties. Any general etiquette book. Or check online .
Even the knot editors book.

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I could give you a laundry list of "etiquettes" that are broken all over this site depending on your personal beliefs and tradition. You don't hold a doctorate in wedding etiquette. Stop telling people what to do. If you don't have something helpful to say, you really don't have to say anything.

View Quoted Comment Right, the op isn't even asking for advice on her bridesmaids not wanting her to plan her own party. Obviously all of her bridesmaids but one is happy with what is planned. And the one that isn't happy is trying to push for something that nobody wants to do. Rule states that the majority always wins. And thats exactly the case here and the op has put her foot down with the odd ball out.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!!!

Yes exactly. You try to answer the questions the best way you can to help the person who asked. Not shove your beliefs and what you think down everyone's throat. Plus like one person mentioned some etiquettes are a little different in different cultures, religion and I found out through being on here that even different states have different styles of etiquettes.

View Quoted Comment Excuse me?
I’m rude for planning it myself? I love to plan things and when I spoke to my bridal party they were totally on board. No one has an obligation to plan a party on my behalf. Clearly I’m a total asshole for saving my bridal party time effort and money!

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Judith, I generally have great respect for your comments but I feel as though in this scenario you have very peculiar etiquette beliefs which do not correspond with what is very much accepted today.

There is nothing wrong with a bride planning her own bachelorette. Assuming that ‘no one should plan a party in their own honour’, I imagine people would need to stop planning their birthdays parties annually too. I am not sure what bachelorette parties you have been to lately but this event is all about having fun with my girls before the big day.

I am paying my fair share of costs for my own attendance as well as a great portion of costs for the group so as to ensure those attending can have a lovely time without breaking the bank. I consulted them in depth to ensure that they were ok with the plans and the estimated cost per person. No one so much flinched at the idea of me planning it myself and frankly, this circle of friends consists of a group of educated women with very contemporary beliefs and I don’t think any of them to waste their breath on bickering about me behind my back for something so trivial.

I am not sure what your original interpretation of my post was but I can guarantee you that none of this drama was necessitated by me planning my own bachelorette. If anything, my bridal party are relieved because frankly I’ve spared them time, effort and money for an event that they don’t have any obligation to actually plan.