Virgin wedding night. Tips?

Please don't try to learn from porn, at least not whatever free porn you can find on the internet. The free, professionally-produced stuff is not realistic or anything to aspire to imitate.

Do use lube. Some have said it shouldn't hurt. The fact is, it probably will. Sex shouldn't hurt regularly, but the first time, or first few times, it may hurt if your hymen hasn't been broken already. You can always slow down, take a break, focus on other body parts, etc. Have fun and take everything at a pace you and your partner are comfortable with!

As PPs have said, don't have high expectations. FH and I were each others' firsts, though obviously we aren't married yet. Don't expect it to be like a romance movie. It will hurt and you might bleed. And usually the first time is pretty quick. Also, don't feel pressured. Your wedding day is going to be a big and long day and at the end of the day, you might just not want to or be too tired. We already decided it probably won't happen on our night, it's going to be a long day.

Thanks for asking this question! I'll have to come back to it in a few months

It gets better!

I don't think coconut oil is a good thing to use and porn come on! Virgins have innocent minds to arouse virgins don't agree with that! A big no no for coconut oil if it's not made for personal lubricant because you will get an infection. K-y jelly... explore each others and take time! I envy both of you for keeping to each others until the big day!

Communicate! Tell your partner to communicate too!

This makes things go from good to amazing.

Just relax and let it progress naturally. Also, like another poster said, don't be upset if it doesn't happen that night. My husband and I were so exhausted after our wedding that we fell asleep as soon as we got in the bed haha

Honestly, I would almost wait until the next morning. It's still your "wedding night". I guess gauge how you feel. DH and I were set on doing it, and we were so tired, and sweaty, we just wanted to shower and sleep. The morning after we did and it was nice because we were well rested and could take the time we wanted and enjoy it. It's up to you obviously, but it was much more enjoyable when we were rested.

When I first started having sex I realized how ridiculous sex scenes in movies are. The people in movies say NOTHING to each other. They magically change position and know exactly what the other person wants. This is not reality, you will and should talk to each other during sex. And I don't just mean sexy talk. Communicate (in a sexy way if you want) things that you're enjoying or if you want to change position or if he's enjoying what you're currently doing. Conversation is your friend.

I'm always a little frustrated when anyone says that certain things 100% will/won't/should/shouldn't happen. Everyone and every body is different. Some people will tell you that if you are doing it "right" it shouldn't hurt. It might, it might not. For me, it was *very* painful. But it also might not hurt at all. Some people feel no pain. (Either way it's worth it in the end!) Be sure to have a lot of lube on hand and spend as much time as you need to relax and warm up to it. Be open and honest. It helped me to keep in mind that this was the person that loved me and that he wasn't going to stop just because I did something "wrong" or said I didn't like something.

I love how everyone is echoing the sentiment about peeing afterwards - yes, definitely do that! UTIs are NOT FUN. Once you've had one, you stick to this rule like glue.

Just remember that it gets better! Lol

The first time is always quicker and more awkward, but it will be great. Good luck!

Communicate with each other during. It doesn't need to be silent! If you're in pain, say so! That's the best way to get through it and feel less awkward afterwards!

For me foreplay and oral sex made the experience more comfortable. After about 5 min of oral sex I don't need lube I need a mop lol. Everyone body is different but it's something you might want to try.

I was a virgin too on my wedding night. For me, I didn't need lube and it wasn't as painful as I was expecting. Just go slow and take your time! I also did not find sex awkward at all. You obviously know the person well enough to marry them, so you shouldn't feel uncomfortable! Try not to have high expectations of the night and be happy with whatever happens. Good luck!

Definitely use water based lubricants. Other kinds such as silicone based can get goopy and can also cause an infection. Take your time. Be yourself. Lastly, as others have said... communication is key!

Not a virgin bride, but did 'lose it' later than most:

Use astroglide lube (my gyno recommended it)

Remember that it is definitely not like in the movies - you will not both finish at the same time, or maybe even at all. Focus on what feels good, and exploring together. If you have difficulty finishing, toys are totally OK to use with a partner (and even if you don't need them to finish, they are still fun!).

It might hurt, it might not. You might bleed, you might not. You have no way of knowing what your experience will be until you actually have your experience

So- it may hurt- it may not. I remember more pain than anything- but there is more to that story- but I do remember it hurting.

Second go round- FH and I waited a LONG time- we fooled around a lot- but actual sex was almost 3 years into the relationship- and guess what- I'm SUPER glad we didn't go away for a hugely romantic high expectation weekend- because both of us were hella rusty and awkward and it was goofy and we were like- wow- LOL- But it gets better- it's OKAY if you make noises- and if you slip- and you slap and you clap in various ways.

Personally- I found a little music/back ground noise went a long way to help make me feel less self conscious when it was still new for us.

Please please Don't feel like your sex life is doomed because it might not be all that you dreamed. it CAN and will get better- more practice and communication.

And don't be afraid to put HIS hands where you want them. That's okay too.

okay- that's about all I got for now LOL- relax- have fun- and remember- it's okay to laugh- sex is kind of goofy sometimes- and that's totally okay. There is ALL types of sex- not all of it is super romantic- and not all of it is tear your clothes off before you get through the door. And it's all good when it's consensual and you love them and you're in the moment.

I would recommend seeing your doctor a few weeks to months before the wedding to not only talk about birth control options (if you are considering BC) but also for an exam. I have known of people that have had to go to their doctor to have their hymens stretched before their weddings. If this is an uncomfortable conversation to have with your regular doctor, consider seeing a Certified Nurse Midwife. These are nurses that have significant training in women's health, pregnancy and childbirth. CNM appointments are usually scheduled for a longer time slot than most MD appointments and they are wonderful about patient education and taking extra time to answer questions and help their patients feel safe in asking ANY questions. After all, we nurses have heard it all anyway - believe me - so this type of appointment with questions and suggestions is very appropriate and wise.

Don't feel pressured to do it on your wedding night. It's fine if you're both in the mood. But there are a lot of reasons you might not be: exhaustion, drink, general stress. You don't want to remember your first time as something you rushed through just to get it over with, because you thought you ought to. Wait until you can relax and have fun.