Vows for Adult Stepchildren

My personal opinion is that it's really inappropriate to include other people, especially children who cannot legally vow to do anything, in your wedding vows. If your FH's children are adults I think it's also very odd to include them in wedding vows to their father.

However, I think it would be really nice in your vows to EACH OTHER to include something along the lines of "I vow to care for and love your children as if they were my own and create a loving family bond, etc etc."

My personal opinion is that it's really inappropriate to include other people, especially children who cannot legally vow to do anything, in your wedding vows. If your FH's children are adults I think it's also very odd to include them in wedding vows to their father.

However, I think it would be really nice in your vows to EACH OTHER to include something along the lines of "I vow to care for and love your children as if they were my own and create a loving family bond, etc etc."

The key point being that it's wonderful to think about joining as a family, but the vows you make are and should be to each other.

I agree with Lady. It has never sit right with me when couples do this, and especially in this case when you are not even close to his daughters and won't meet the older one until just before your wedding. I would include something in your vows to each other about the kids, but I wouldn't say vows to the kids themselves.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate your opinion. Vows to children are fairly common in remarriages. They are separate from the vows we share with each other - they will happen after. We're not asking the children to say vows to us, but rather giving them our vows so they know we are promising ourselves to them and our family as a whole, rather than just to each other.

View Quoted Comment

I know it's super common and I totally get the sentiment behind it and think that is very nice. It still just doesn't seem appropriate to say vows to 4 year olds who definitely don't understand the magnitude of what you're saying, or to grown women who you're not close with. You can get that sentiment about family across in vows to your H without actually promising things to the kids.

Every wedding I've seen this at people definitely give it the side-eye and think it's kind of weird. Just wanted to share another point of view as something to think about.

If you decide to go ahead with this, i honestly wouldn't say any vows to your grown stepchildren even if your FH says something to your kiddos.

View Quoted Comment

It was a 2nd marriage for both of us and he also has 2 young adult daughters. They were 18 and 20 when we got married. It just still seems weird to say vows during your wedding ceremony to the kids.

View Quoted Comment

Common maybe, but that doesn't mean they work for all situations. Both of my parents remarried when I was a tween and I would absolutely NOT have wanted any part of either step-parent saying vows to me. Maybe consider writing your vows/personal sentiments in a letter to present to them, rather than making a public declaration.

And in any case, your relationship with them will be built over time, whether or not you find the perfect words to say to them on your wedding day. Actions are more meaningful than words, so it's much more important that you take time to get to know them before and after your wedding.

I am always very wary of vows to children, however common they may be. Your FI can make vows to you to care for your children as his own. But he really can't be certain he can keep any vows he makes to the children, because he would have no legal right even to see them if you two broke up. (And I know you don't want to think about this, but 67% of all second marriages end.) Making vows to them now that he may not be able to keep risks teaching them that they really can't trust the promises that adults make.

Congratulations on finding love again! I am also a widow and getting re-married. I have a 10 year old, and we want to include her somehow without it sounding creepy that my FH is making a promise to her as well. We are ultimately going to probably make mention of our promise to look after all the children coming into our marriage and include her in the tree ceremony we are devising without actually having him make a vow to her. That way, her importance in our family is recognized, but it's also respectful of her choice not to be adopted right now.