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Just Said Yes January 2021

Vows

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Ashley, on January 9, 2021 at 8:17 PM

My Fiance really wants us to write and read our own vows and keep them secret from eachother until during the ceremony. I am hesitant because he is really good at things like that and I am not. I am worried that his will be "Major League Baseball" and mine will be "Kindergarten T-Ball" so to speak. I am also worried that if mine aren't the same "level" as his that his mom (and family) will judge me more than she already does (she is also already judging my mom for decisions she is making). It is giving me so much anxiety. He already mostly wrote his and he sent them to his sister. I was talking to her about them and she says that he has never heard him say stuff like that about anyone and it makes her jealous her husband doesn't say those things. It is making me even more anxious about it.

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24 Comments

Just Said Yes May 2022
Christie · on January 26, 2022 at 12:01 PM
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Hi,
Could you give more input about your “template”? We’re planning to do something similar, and send to our officiant for guidance and edits.
Thank you!
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Beginner May 2022
Kristin · on January 31, 2022 at 11:05 PM
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What about doing a private letter vows before the ceremony that each can get and open and read themselves? Takes away the stress of trying to read them in front of a lot of people and worry of judgment, but also creates an intimate moment before walking down the aisle to each other. We're doing this and might have our Reverend just say something like before now the bride and groom exchanged private vows or something along those lines before we do the typical "I take you..." stuff during the ceremony.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Kelsey · on August 1, 2022 at 7:42 PM
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This topic has so many fantastic ideas! I'm currently writing my own vows. I have a Creative Writing degree and writing is part of my job, but my fiancé is an adequate writer at best. Ironically, I think having personal vows was his idea, so I know he is on board with it. Still, I worry about the potential difference in quality since we're not supposed to share our vows until the ceremony. Mine is about 150 words long and takes over a minute to read, but I don't want to cut my vow short in case his is only 15 seconds long.
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Expert October 2023
Julija · on August 8, 2022 at 11:40 AM
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I think of you express your anxiety about it he would be willing to let you see his vows. My fiancé and I are going through the same struggle but reverse. What we are thinking about doing is just writing a letter to each other to read during the prep to help with any pre wedding jitters and just doing the more traditional wedding vows for the ceremony.
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